Help for really stressed mum

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I am hoping someone can advise me. I have a 2 1/2 year old son who was recently diagnosed ASD 2. I have been to hell and back to try and get a diagnosis and have lost many friends and family in the process who believed me crazy.
I have recently moved inter state and my little boy is attending 30 hours a week of ABA. 12 weeks ago my son was completely non verbal and now he is saying single words when looking in books and using single words to request things eg “help” “bottle” “dummy” when I am playing with him he makes good eye contact but when I speak to him he is hit and miss. I would say his expressive language is better then his receptive.
I am not getting very good guidance from anyone and trying to do everything I can for my little boy on my own. I have been extremely pleased with his improvements but his aba clinic seem to play down all his improvements and have made me feel very depressed.
My question is, at what age did your children’s language improve. What is a language delay and the children ended up with good communication? The fact my child is saying words is this an indication language is to come?
My sons biggest issue is language, he eats well, sleeps well, excellent fine/gross motor, no behavioural issues and fine transitioning from one thing to another. His biggest issue is communication.
Please help me

He’s 2 1/2. There are “normal” kids who don’t speak all that well at 2 1/2. Does he speak the single words clearly?

He’s probably 6 months to one year behind in what is considered “normal” for age 2 1/2 in terms of expressive language. I have a bachelors in speech pathology, though I’m not a speech pathologist.

Very few kids at that age, even “normal” kids, listen very well at 2 1/2.

How is he in his play? Does he play with trucks, say, like they are trucks? Does he make pretend “engine” sounds?

How is his nonverbal language? Does he show you things? Showing you things is called “joint attention.”

Is he toilet-trained?

It’s actually possible that the early intervention services that he has received has benefited him. I’m sorry they are not treating you well as a parent.

Especially if he starts speaking sentences by age 3, I would say the prognosis is good.

I started speaking at age 5 1/2. By 6, I spoke like a “normal” kid. I became independent at age 20.

I have a son who is almost 4 and has only now started using something approaching phrased speech. Six months ago I worried if he would ever talk. Every kid is different though

It sounds like you are working hard to do the best you can for your kid. My advice is to remember that ABA, speech therapy, etc is all really hard work for such a tiny one to undergo. Don't forget to help him de-stress and decompress too. I was fortunate enough to have parents like you who took me to professionals for help when I was a kid, but sometimes it felt like all day long I was constantly being judged and picked at and told I wasn't enough (it honestly still feels like that sometimes). It sounds like he does really well when you are playing. I bet there's a reason for that. I bet it's a context that is less stressful for him.

There are ways to incorporate bi-directional communication into playtime too though. Take this example for instance (skip to 5:15 for what I'm talking about):

Overall, communication is more important than speech. Is he learning how to communicate his wants and needs, or are the words he says echoes of things he's heard without meaning necessarily attached to them? At this juncture, I would be inclined to ask his speech therapist about supplementing his verbal speech with PECs (picture exchange communication cards) or AAC (alternative augmentative communication; basically an app on a tablet or phone that can be programmed to speak words at the touch of specific buttons).

Your son may speak, and he may not; it's too soon to tell, and every autistic is different. Some days I give lectures at universities, other days I use AAC on my iPad. It just depends. The important thing is that your son has a way of expressing his thoughts, wants, needs and opinions. If his specialists aren't working on making this happen yet, it's up to you to push them to make sure they start. Good luck.

If he’s using single words now, it’s quite possible that he might “catch up” to other kids by age 3. I’ve seen this happen. And I’ve read about this happening.