Sometimes I hate YouTube

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Sometimes when I have a nap I love listening to a video on YouTube that has one person speaking about anything interesting that I can picture in my head (sort of like meditation).
But sometimes YouTube is crap at finding what I want. Here are a few things in YouTube videos that makes me want to punch the person doing the video:-

- Starting off with several minutes of "hey, what's up y'all, today I'm gonna be doing a video on [subject], which was requested by [names of various other YouTubers], and you can find out more about my channel by the description and clicking the link to my other channel, and don't forget to hit that like button and subscribe, and let me know in the comments below......." JUST GET ON WITH THE VIDEO ALREADY!! !! !! !! !
- Two or more people talking over each other (particularly American guys), so you can't really follow what they're saying properly
- Videos that I was just looking for...but have no audio speaking, just a bunch of slides that you read, which is quite difficult to read when your eyes are closed
- Ads that go on for about 3 minutes if not skipped, which you can't keep skipping when you want to relax and sleep, so you've got to listen to the whole ad and hope it doesn't go on for too long. Yes I'm too poor to pay to have no ads
- Speakers who just sit and mumble in front of the camera, and keep stuttering and going "um, uh, umm" between words. I prefer a more professional speaker, like you get with audiobooks
- Videos that are too short, like 100 interesting facts in a 6-minute video. I like 30+ minutes, but when I use the filters to search for longer videos I just get mostly the s**t I mentioned above
- If I type in ASMR speaking it's always WHISPERING. I hate whispering. And the whispering is usually done by a sexy young girl who knows nothing about what she's whispering about, just wanting a million likes from guys who like to masturbate themselves to sleep
- Too many nouns being said (or too many words in a sentence that can't be pictured in your mind), or if it goes into too much scientific detail. For example I love listening to things that I can imagine myself in. If listening to an audio video on depression for example, I don't want to know too many details of what goes on in the depths of the brain among depressives. Instead I rather examples of scenarios being given and how a person with depression reacts to it and how to overcome it. That way I can picture it all in my head, as I am a rather visual thinker. Or have it dumbed down at least.

Anyway I've probably missed a few other YouTube pet peeves of mine but can anyone relate? This is more of a rant that I wanted to get off my chest.

Totally identify with this.

I hate it whenever I see even the mini image of this song appear. I HATE IT. IT IS SUCH A WUSSY SONG BLEGH.

Gosh. Am addicted to U Tube, but get massively annoyed by it too.

But you didn't touch on any of the reasons that I get annoyed.

What annoys me is the ignorance and illiteracy of the folks who host.

For example I was watching a vid on the "Mandella Effect". That's that meme about how certain things get misquoted or misremembered by most folks,...and therefore...something is happening to the entire time space continuum! Spooky!

It was named after Nelson Mandela because a lot of folks remember reading his obit twenty years BEFORE his much celebrated release from prison and rise to being head of state.


The young lady hosting the vid said in a sincere voice "its named after Nelson Mandela. I don't know who he was. Or what he famous for, but I know that he was a South African man."

Gawd...you're hosting a vid about a flaky subject. So the least you could do is to not present yourself as a dumb ignorant air head!, by admitting that you never heard of South Africa's equivalent of George Washington and MLK Jr. combined!

In another vid a guy talked about shipwrecks around the world. He talked about a wreck in the "cannery islands" (like "Cannery Row".

Dude!

Those little yellow birdies are named after the islands where they were discovered!! !! ! Both the birds and the islands are spelled and pronounced "Canary".



One guy who does good entertaining cram courses on science and history in his videos, and gets my praise.

But in one video even he said "the people who built Stonehenge probably had no idea that their monument would become world famous!"

How could a guy as smart as him say something that dumb?

Stonehenge was built five thousand years ago in the Bronze Age by folks who had no idea how big the "world" (ie planet) was, and probably thought the whole universe was the land occupied by their little tribe in England. And relative to their society Stonehenge was a major undertaking and a sacred site. So to them it was already a revered site throughout what they then though WAS the world. To them it was already "world famous". Just like the folks on Easter Island probably though those big stone heads were already world famous. Stonehenge was to them what the Pyramids were to Egypt and what the Gothic Cathedrals were to Middle Ages Europe, and what Mecca is to the Muslims today.

Sorry...I just hafta VENT sometimes!

If you haven't already, you should check out Vsauce naturalplastic.

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC6nSFp ... t-N3Rm3-HA

Things I dislike:

- Reaction videos where the YouTuber barely even reacts.

I was hoping for some jokes, a bit of commentary and to hear someone's thoughts on a film or video. Not to watch someone stare blankly at their screen and then say "Well, that was my reaction guys, please subscribe for more".

-Similarly, reaction videos where someone is incredibly zoned out and slow on the uptake.

I remember watching a film reaction where the person reacting didn't get a joke from the movie. She spent about three scenes trying to figure it out, which made for rather boring viewing. I think if she'd perhaps cut the video to the part where she caught on to the joke it would have been better. Admittedly I skipped ahead because I got bored of waiting for her to realise.

- YouTube tutorials with obnoxious music or introductions.

Just explain how to do it and show me. Please. I don't want to listen to dubstep or see your username spin around with badly animated flames.

-Tutorials that skip over important information.

"Welcome to my coding tutorial. In this video I'll be taking a bunch of code from another website, explaining none of it and viola I've made something".

(Don't do this).

-The YouTuber-style editing cut.

In the 2000's there was a bit of trend where YouTubers would jarringly cut quickly between different reaction shots often moving to a different part of the room or moving to a different angle. Whilst it's fine to do this, please don't do this EVERY SINGLE TIME you make a joke or remark. It's distracting and becomes a bit annoying after a while. Add some variety to your editing. Make it interesting.

I love the movie reviews, but not the ones where someone just sits in their room mumbling away without showing any clips or explaining anything like goofs or whatever. I like the proper ones like what the Nostalgia Critic does. Those are hilarious.
But most of the good movie reviews are on the movies that I hate like Star Wars.

I also love the cinema sins videos. But I wish they'd do more. I wanted one for the Diary of a Wimpy Kid movies, and when I saw one that was about 15 minutes long I thought I'd found what I was looking for and got excited to watch it. But it turned out that it wasn't a real cinema sins video, it was just done by some inexperienced twit that was absolutely crap at it. But people in the comments thought it was fantastic. Nope, I like the original speakers. You can't beat the original.

If people are going to make crappy home video versions of the original good stuff I wish they'd put more effort into it.

Am already a big fan of Vsauce. But thanks.

I like some of the movie shows. I don't remember if it was cinema sins or something else, but the guy did a wicked fast paced total demolition of the "Twilight Saga" that was hilarious. Pointed out all kinds of flaws... including a truck barreling by the viewer in the opening scene when we approach Bela Swan's new hometown that...has no driver!

I love the people who upload things like Art Attack and shows that are great that it's impossible to get a complete copy of now not just English stuff but also Urdu. I also learn a lot about old music and my parents are always surprised I know something. I can put up with the nonsense because I stay away from it. Or if I look at it, it's out of curiosity.

What I HATE WITH A PASSION is when perverted people make intentionally perverted videos for SMALL CHILDREN where the parent thinks it's okay and you watch a bit longer and it's perverted but implied or subtle or even overt, but in a way that you can't hold them accountable for it as it's slippery even if it's obvious as hell. and sometimes it gets really intentionally. my son's therapist warned me about it ages ago and she researched it and she warned other families too, and she saw some really horrible stuff and her daughter's seven yr old friend started doing perverted stuff randomly, and when they asked her where she saw it, it was in the youtube video. and her lazy stupid nanny still let her wtch it and he rparents didn't care enough. my sons' therapist was fuming mad as there's stuff intended to mess with the kids' psyche too and she had to deal with clients who dealt with that...

sorry- none of the above is coherent due to lack of editing, and just ranting, i can't edit when im fuming mad.

In parody of "Tammany" (1905) and my profound apologies to the ghost of Billy Murray who recorded it for Edison Records.

Hiawatha was no Indian, Lizzie Warren too,
Lived in huts and wiped their butts with leaves and what-have-you,
There are other savage fakers that will never die--
On the Internet they're hid-ing, here's their battle cry!

Look at me, look at me,
Fat guy in a fancy chair, wearing hentai underwear,
Look at me, look at me,
Tape it, fade it, now we've made it, look at me!

Here's a punk with lettuce hairdo prancing through Japan,
In a forest finds the body of a hanging man!
That's exactly what he came for, so the cameras roll--
Didn't have the decency to dig a six-foot hole!

Look at me, look at me,
Filmed a dead man on a limb, hanging's much too good for him
Look at me, look at me,
Found a stiff and made a GIF, look at me!

YouTube algorithms are the kind I'd call accursed,
Drops good content every day and only shows the worst,
Creepy people sit in basements fetishizing kids
Making dirty comments on a bunch of children's vids!

Look at me, look at me,
Middle-aged and balding man, in the 4chan Party Van,
Look at me, look at me,
Filthy punks in bathing trunks oh look! at me.

Some folks do cool stuff for YouTube like the airplane guy,
Peter Sripol's what they call him, he learnt how to fly!
Though his homemade aeroplane's the finest thing around,
Be nice if the YouTube platform never left the ground!

Look at me, look at me,
Ego trip is plain to see, we act like we're on TV,
Look at me, look at me,
Rubes and boobs now on the tube say, look at me!