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adromedanblackhole
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08 Oct 2020, 12:19 am

dracblau wrote:
I used to have a bad habit of making friends with people who would end up ridiculing and bullying me, or using me for something or other that they felt they could take from me without reciprocity. It has only been in the last few years that I’ve finally been able to drop those ‘friends’ and just keep the ones that are nice to me.
I think blindness is a good word, as I assume people have good intentions if they are befriending me.

Yes I have found a good deal of my friends were people who actually didn't like themselves very much and the basis for their friendship with me was for them to have someone to ridicule or feel like, "well, at least I'm not like THAT weirdo." Some saying as much. Which is funny, because I generally felt like I was mostly biding my time with a lot of these people, they didn't offer me conversation that I found particularly engaging. But we were activity buddies and had fun things to do together. Really I feel the best advice is to just focus on what you enjoy doing and find ways to monetize it. Few things make me feel better than knowing I'm making 2-3x more monthly than some of these people.



Summer_Twilight
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13 Oct 2020, 1:50 pm

I made friends with quite a few predators because these people seem to pay attention to me. It's when I would like them I would have the hardest admitting these are not really friends.

- When I was 20, I made friends with this older man who claimed to share the same beliefs. I made the mistake of giving him the address of my roommates. After one letter, we ran into each other the next night where he started getting pushy

"When are we doing to do this or that?" "Why didn't you write back to me?"

He also hugged me and kissed me on the cheek.

I got away from him and said "You get away from me."

-Then last year, I tried to network with this man on the bus because we had similar profession but he had an agenda as he was lonely.
1. He invaded my space
2. He asked me lots of personal questions
3. He started bossing me around
4. He put his arm around me and tried to steer me into a train car



TurnpikeAl
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14 Oct 2020, 5:39 pm

Not the same kind of predator, and probably not as bad in most cases, but-- I've long tended to attract people who want me to buy them things, give them money, or drive them places. It's frustrating, because I try to give people the benefit of the doubt, but when I see the pattern, then I start to distance myself from them.


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Summer_Twilight
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19 Oct 2020, 2:41 pm

TurnpikeAl wrote:
Not the same kind of predator, and probably not as bad in most cases, but-- I've long tended to attract people who want me to buy them things, give them money, or drive them places. It's frustrating, because I try to give people the benefit of the doubt, but when I see the pattern, then I start to distance myself from them.


There are different predators

1. Roommates can be predators if you don't know them especially if they think you look gullible
2. Employers can be predators and especially if they exploit their employees for their benefit by making and breaking their promises.

As for your commentary, I have learned to pick up on the fact that someone is a predator and one hint is if they get tog know you way too fast. They will also ask you lots of personal questions.



TurnpikeAl
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20 Oct 2020, 9:37 am

Summer_Twilight wrote:
As for your commentary, I have learned to pick up on the fact that someone is a predator and one hint is if they get tog know you way too fast. They will also ask you lots of personal questions.

Another red flag is guilt trips.


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Summer_Twilight
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20 Oct 2020, 2:47 pm

Other signs of a predator are those with narcissistic traits

1. Those people latch onto you as a friend but what they want are a "Narcissistic supply."
2. Meanwhile, they work on undermining you by gossiping to other people
3. Do things like gaslighting - making you question your insanity.



adromedanblackhole
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26 Oct 2020, 9:24 pm

Summer_Twilight wrote:
Other signs of a predator are those with narcissistic traits

1. Those people latch onto you as a friend but what they want are a "Narcissistic supply."
2. Meanwhile, they work on undermining you by gossiping to other people
3. Do things like gaslighting - making you question your insanity.

My spidy senses are tingly that this very much describes my boss and I am unsure what to do about it.

I definitely get the feel in the air this woman gossips about me. She shares my ideas with the team for specific niches I'm looking to work in. I just all around get the sense this woman is pathologically two-faced and hellbent on undermining me and I am at a lack of ideas what to do. I know as much that I can't openly tell her any of this. But if I avoid her she has a problem with that, if I appear too positive she has to rain on my parade. If I'm cautious she says I'm too negative. If she wants me to do something I don't want to do she will push and push and push to the point where I have to get really short with her and then she makes it seem like I'm being unreasonable.

I kidding/not kidding generally think of this woman like a succubus and would love to be transferred to another team. Problem is, I don't really have a legitimate business reason to ask for the switch without it just making me look like I'm overly sensitive or just crazy.



czarsmom
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14 Nov 2020, 12:12 pm

I definitely have had predator blindness. Not only am I ASD, but was born to a high level narcissistic mother. This is definitely a setup for being targeted by predators, since I also learned to become codependent in order to survive being a child of a mother like that. I have spent lots of time learning all about narcissism, sociopathy, psychopathy, and just general nasty people, not because I enjoy focusing on the dark side of humanity, but because I've been repeatedly targeted by these types of people, and want to learn how to spot and avoid them right away. There are some specific traits of predatory people, such as charm, slick speech, playing the victim, being overly helpful and generous, being too friendly right away, gaslighting, and a lot more. Some of these people can be very sneaky and hide their predatory nature quite well. I just went no contact with a "friend" who was like this. I've learned to be very wary of people who are overly friendly, and who use flattery. I've become choosy with who I allow to be my friend. I believe that in general, there are more and more predatory people in the world, due to the anonymous nature of our electronically dependent culture.



Dial1194
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19 Nov 2020, 11:46 pm

I'm honestly not sure if I've been successfully targeted by predator types in the past, because I was genuinely that blind to their existence.

I do know that there was at least one boss who got incredibly frustrated because all her predatory and gaslighting techniques had absolutely no effect on me because I simply did not respond "properly" - not only was I unable to recognize that they were manipulations, I wasn't manipulated because I had no idea that she might even want something. I only actually learned about it after she left, from another co-worker.

My general approach to people is that sure, they might be predators, but generally this comes with a large serving of them trying to manipulate me, find out information about me, or manipulating others into affecting me. I plow through the first like a supertanker, never give out personal information to anyone anyway, and don't even notice the third. Trying to manipulate me is like trying to shoulder-check an office block - not only won't it work, I probably won't even realize it happened, unless it's something ultra-blatant like most sales techniques.