Do women desire marriage and children more than men?

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dragonsanddemons
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05 Mar 2020, 11:16 am

I can only speak for myself, but as a female, I think I am extremely unsuited to both marriage and motherhood, and have no desire whatsoever to get married or have kids. My brother has a girlfriend and one of my female cousins has a boyfriend, but I haven't asked and so don't know what their ultimate plans are.


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IstominFan
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06 Mar 2020, 12:08 am

April,

I am fortunate now that I do have a lot of people who do care about me.



magz
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06 Mar 2020, 2:44 am

Among my family and friends - I think the distribution of wanting or not wanting a family is roughly equal between the genders. The women seem more obviously decided either way than the men - their time window for such a decision is narrower and their input, at least on physiological level, is much greater - but I don't think they want "more". Just the ones who want children want them more obviously and the ones who don't want them also don't want them more obviously.


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Fnord
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06 Mar 2020, 9:09 am

magz wrote:
Among my family and friends -- I think the distribution of wanting or not wanting a family is roughly equal between the genders...
It cannot be equal. An analogy is the old Chicken-and-Pig story.
Quote:
A Pig and a Chicken are walking down the road.
The Chicken says: "Hey Pig, I was thinking we should open a restaurant!"
The Pig replies: "Hmm ... maybe ... but what would we call it?"
The Chicken responds: "How about 'Ham-N-Eggs'?"
The Pig thinks for a moment and says: "No thanks. I'd be committed, but you'd only be involved."
When it comes to having children, women are committed, while men are only involved.

(No ... I am not calling women 'pigs', nor am I calling men 'chickens'.)


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Teach51
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06 Mar 2020, 9:14 am

In my society the desire for a family and children plus a solid, long term commitment are pretty equal also between the genders.


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Fnord
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06 Mar 2020, 9:26 am

Teach51 wrote:
In my society the desire for a family and children plus a solid, long term commitment are pretty equal also between the genders.
Social commitment, yes. Physical commitment, not so much.

Consider this: It takes a woman about 9 months of physical commitment to produce a child, while a man needs only a few minutes of physical involvement to do the same.

After which, the woman is keenly aware of all the details of each of her children, knowing their names, dates of birth, likes and dislikes, fears, hopes, et cetera, while the man is vaguely aware of some short people running around the house.

:wink: That last sentence was a joke, by the way...


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Sylkat
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07 Mar 2020, 11:43 am

Dear Fnord,
You are unfortunately quite accurate as regards many men....which is why we have so many one-parent households.
And why it is almost always the mother who is trying to carry the burden.
The burden which got to be too heavy for the husband/father/boyfriend, so he....just left. :?


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collectoritis
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10 Mar 2020, 7:18 pm

If she was rich and footing the bill Id consider it - but even then i doubt it :lol:



SharonB
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10 Mar 2020, 8:58 pm

From my ASD perspective, it's cultural. I was just talking to my therapist about this. In my marriage and at my workplace (mostly male) it is expect that I care for the emotions (and others). I can tell you that there are absolutely men far more capable than I am to do so, but they will not b/c they don't want to be made fun of (I see them make fun of each other when one gets "out of line"). I'm the Autistic one and I am put upon to manage the family and workplace emotions b/c I am the woman - not b/c it is my nature or my skill.

So when I had to figure out what next to do in life, I chose family as did my ASD-like grandmother and my ASD-like mother before me. Both chose nurturing men to care for the children. Unfortunately my caring grandfather was ridiculed by his contemporaries and left it up to grandmother (which didn't go well). Unfortunately my caring father who was pressured by his contemporaries was more involved but still left it up to my mother (which went meh). And fortunately my caring husband is a very active father (in fact he has the kids right now while I refresh my spoon supply), so it's going much better for the children.

I do not see my (NT) husband nor (ASD) myself as more or less desiring of marriage or children.



CockneyRebel
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14 Mar 2020, 11:06 am

I've chosen a long time ago that I was going to live a life of freedom.


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