Do women desire marriage and children more than men?

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MSBKyle
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04 Mar 2020, 4:04 pm

What I've noticed in my own family is that most of my female cousins are married and have kids while many of my male cousins are unmarried and don't have any kids. I have a set of cousins where there are 2 brothers and 1 sister. The 2 brothers are not married nor have any kids and the sister is married and has 2 kids. There is another brother and sister on the same side of that family where the sister is married and has kids and the brother is single and does not have any kids. On the other side of my family where there is a brother and sister, the brother is single and does not have any kids and the sister is married but does not yet have kids. Another cousin of mine who is 14 expressed that his sisters will have to give his parents grandchildren because he has no desire to ever have kids. I don't know if it's just in my families where the males don't want to get married or have kids or if a lot of men feel this way. As a male myself, I don't plan on getting married and definitely not having kids.



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04 Mar 2020, 4:22 pm

I don't know. However, I have been the told by ex-girlfriends that they wanted to "take the relationship to the next level" under a "my way or the highway" ultimatum.


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04 Mar 2020, 4:41 pm

At least in my environment, I found that as it became more socially acceptable, more women choose not to have children or marry. Back in the day a woman who would dare say she didn't want them was pretty universally considered a monster.

I would also say that most people want a family - the desire seems to kick in later in men though.


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04 Mar 2020, 4:46 pm

I know a lot of young women who are nervous about getting married or having children (in either order), because they are worried they'll end up raising their children alone if the relationship ends.

I haven't asked many young men about their opinion.

My brother desperately wanted to marry and have children. It was always his goal.

Most young people can't think about marriage because they can't afford it. They date long term instead, whilst living with their parents.


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nick007
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04 Mar 2020, 5:31 pm

In the old caveman days, women were the nurturers who took care the kids while men where the hunters who went out a lot. It makes sense to me that women will still feel the motherly instinct some while guys are less likely to feel the fatherly instinct.

I never wanted kids but that's cuz I have aLOT of disabilities & issues & believe I'd be de-evolving society by having kids with my genetic makeup & I don't wanna adopt cuz I know I'd be a horrible parent since I cant even take care of myself due to my issues. I had a high desire to get married thou cuz I HATED being alone when I was single but the marriage goal is taking a backseat rite now. Me & my girlfriend are both disabled & it'll majorly screw up benefits if we got married. So instead we just live together & act like we are even thou we're technically not. My girlfriend wants kids but she'd rather be with me & not have kids & she knows she couldn't handle being a mom at this point in her life with her issues.


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hurtloam
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04 Mar 2020, 5:41 pm

The maths don't add up. These women are marrying and having kids with an equal number of men, so it's not that more women than men want kids.



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04 Mar 2020, 5:45 pm

I don't really think that women desire marriage and kids more then men. (Apart from when one is young). But rather, I believe that in the western world, men have to be far more cautious.


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04 Mar 2020, 5:46 pm

hurtloam wrote:
The maths don't add up. These women are marrying and having kids with an equal number of men, so it's not that more women than men want kids.
Re-read the subject line. It references the magnitude of desire, not the relative numbers.

Although the text of the first post is misleading along those lines.


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hurtloam
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04 Mar 2020, 5:52 pm

Fnord wrote:
hurtloam wrote:
The maths don't add up. These women are marrying and having kids with an equal number of men, so it's not that more women than men want kids.
Re-read the subject line. It references the magnitude of desire, not the relative numbers.

Although the text of the first post is misleading along those lines.


Ah ok, if we view this as only based on single people then that becomes an interesting question.

I don't want kids, but I'm not opposed to marriage. I find that men aren't serious about me or my friends and seem to not want to get married... until... They meet that one woman who knocks their socks off and they marry her. Not really sure what's wrong with my little band of losers, but men don't want commitment at all... until they do.



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05 Mar 2020, 3:34 am

I think because women are seen as potential mothers and nurturers (in conservative societies at least) they're socially programmed to see it as a goal they have to achieve. I've seen women feeling guilty because they don't want children but society expects it. Where i live being married almost always means you have to have children.



Callafiriel
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05 Mar 2020, 4:04 am

AprilR wrote:
I think because women are seen as potential mothers and nurturers (in conservative societies at least) they're socially programmed to see it as a goal they have to achieve. I've seen women feeling guilty because they don't want children but society expects it. Where i live being married almost always means you have to have children.


This!

And also the other way around. I know so many women who only got married because they got pregnant. And not 30 years ago but in the last few months. And there I was thinking those days were long gone...



AprilR
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05 Mar 2020, 4:11 am

^ Social programming definitely exists. I also think the so called gender differences are also a result of it. (there's even a book about this subject!)



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05 Mar 2020, 4:42 am

That's the impression I've gotten, which is very weird since women are the ones who carry the risks of pregnancy. You'd think that that would make many women to not want children.



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05 Mar 2020, 10:16 am

I wanted to get married and have children, but I was always afraid I would have a child with a disability and I wouldn't know what to do for him or her. I would have felt guilty giving my traits to a child and compromising that child's future and health. It became a moot point because no man ever asked me out. I now face a future of aloneness.



AprilR
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05 Mar 2020, 10:22 am

IstominFan wrote:
I wanted to get married and have children, but I was always afraid I would have a child with a disability and I wouldn't know what to do for him or her. I would have felt guilty giving my traits to a child and compromising that child's future and health. It became a moot point because no man ever asked me out. I now face a future of aloneness.


Don't feel that way, life is not all about marrying and having children. It's enough to have people around you that care about you.



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05 Mar 2020, 11:06 am

Fnord wrote:
I don't know. However, I have been the told by ex-girlfriends that they wanted to "take the relationship to the next level" under a "my way or the highway" ultimatum.
Something else just occurred to me: The concept of the "Biological Clock".

If I remember lessons from Biology class correctly, a woman's fertility begins in her early teens, peaks in her 20s, and declines until her mid 30s when there is a sharp drop before it ends completely by around 50. This means that unless a woman has children by the time she reaches 35, she is unlikely to have any children at all.

(Please forgive the "mansplaining", but no one else was addressing this aspect.)

Of course, there are exceptions, and medical intervention can allow a woman in her 60s to conceive and give birth, although there is a high risk of the child having physical and/or mental problems.

My point is that for many women, there is MAYBE an urge to "fulfill their reproductive destiny" before the inevitable "deadline", in much the same way that anyone might feel an urge to complete a homework assignment the night before it is due. MAYBE this explains why women seem to desire marriage and children "before it's too late".

I know ... that's a lousy analogy. My only excuse is that I am a man with no first-hand experience with the reproductive aspect of a woman's "Biological Clock". I'm guessing, so please don't be offended.


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