I thought this would be a good time to let out this unease I've been having lately: a product of the dueling dynamics in my head. On one hand there's the lone wolf; I probably don't really need anybody to prosper beyond the minimal necessary interaction to climb the ladder in my area of interest. On the other hand there's the desire for genuine connection. Not even connection, just a comfortable, relatable constant. A person whom I am truly comfortable to say anything to without them being offended. A person whom doesn't necessarily need me around all the time and will give me my necessary space. A person whom I can relate to and talk to about the deeper thoughts in my mind. In wanting this I engage in various futile attempts at finding at. One thing I've learned my lesson on is trying to find such a person through various identities such as ASD, my hobbies, my views, and so forth. I learned that people with these same identities can still be too different from myself for me to have this with. So I guess it doesn't matter. This person could be neurotypical and not share all my interests and fit the bill. Most people are too simple minded to have the conversations I want, and the people who aren't are so caught up in their ego and life that talking to them is annoying at best. I have no desire for mere acquaintances anyhow, nor a romance. Just a static and comfortable individual I can relate to. It really isn't much to ask. But the world is so dysfunctional that finding anyone without some agenda or screwed up personality complex that they excuse with the excuse of "past trauma" or however they spin it, is nearly impossible. Here, here's a poem about my simple request to humanity-
I don't want no games or drama.
No lies or deception.
You blame it on mama
to hide from correction.
No more convoluted plots
based on trauma rooted thoughts
Just show me what you are
not something that your not.
No more erratic emotions
and sporadic ghostings.
I can see the good in you
without all the boasting.
No more devaluations
for cheap validations
I have such little patience
for such petty things.
No more excuses
for these abuses
You think I'm stupid?
You've made a mistake.
I tell it like it is,
shoot straight for the cerebellum
You tell it how you feel
too late for the care I tell em.
The truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.
It's all I ask, it's not much.
But in this world, it's not such.
Peace to whom with these words I touch.
Ok, that was pretty fun to write. But yeah, I'd just like a simple yet cerebral friend to relate to. I'm sorry if this offended anyone, I'm just venting.