People get mad at me over doing things I like too much

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HacKING
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17 Mar 2020, 7:03 pm

I have this issue where anytime I find an activity that I love so much that it makes some of my stress away and I can engage in a lot, someone gets mad at me for being so "distant" or "aloof" and makes it impossible for me to engage in this activity or enjoy it because they constantly put pressure on me to pay attention to them and it's frustrating.



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17 Mar 2020, 7:08 pm

What they're likely expressing is called "Jealousy". They're likely jealous of the activity that has taken your interest away from them, and they cannot stand it. My dad did the same thing when I started taking music lessons, when I became interested in theatre, when I bought my first Ham radio, when I started studying astronomy, and when I started dating. Some people simply cannot stand to see you being happy unless you are admiring them.


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17 Mar 2020, 8:13 pm

My partner benefited by knowing I had Aspergers as my seemingly obsessive interests were just me being me. :D

I could do them during the week and compromised by having a "together day" on the weekends.



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17 Mar 2020, 9:18 pm

HacKING wrote:
I have this issue where anytime I find an activity that I love so much that it makes some of my stress away and I can engage in a lot, someone gets mad at me for being so "distant" or "aloof" and makes it impossible for me to engage in this activity or enjoy it because they constantly put pressure on me to pay attention to them and it's frustrating.


Can you treat it like a job, in that you are unavailable at certain hours, but still stay in touch enough to be socially active? Some people are just bored and unable to entertain themselves. They might be either improved or repelled by relentless attempts to teach them self-sufficiency. You could also just keep changing the subject back to your interest.



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17 Mar 2020, 9:44 pm

HacKING wrote:
I have this issue where anytime I find an activity that I love so much that it makes some of my stress away and I can engage in a lot, someone gets mad at me for being so "distant" or "aloof" and makes it impossible for me to engage in this activity or enjoy it because they constantly put pressure on me to pay attention to them and it's frustrating.


People used to say very similar things to me. They'd be very bothered about my passion for the natural world, and terrestrial invertebrates in particular. I was constantly told I should "join the real world" and stop obsessing. The joke is on them, since as of this month I am now a professor of insect physiology. 8)

Anyway, what I am trying to say is that you should take other people's negativity and need for socialization with a grain of salt. It depends on the context: if you like the person who wants you to spend more attention on them it might be worth it to dial back the shop talk when you are around them, but if you don't like them I say ignore the advice.


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18 Mar 2020, 5:07 pm

^I agree, if someone is close to you it might be an idea to give them a set time separate to when you are focusing on an interest so that you can focus on them. Then when you are doing your interest you can give it your full attention. For anyone else, I wouldn't worry that they're mad, particularly since this is your way of dealing with stress.



Dear_one
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18 Mar 2020, 5:26 pm

^^ There are some people whose development got stunted, and go through life expecting to be as interesting to everyone as they were to their mothers around age two. It is best to disappoint them as early as possible.



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18 Mar 2020, 10:35 pm

Dear_one wrote:
^^ There are some people whose development got stunted, and go through life expecting to be as interesting to everyone as they were to their mothers around age two. It is best to disappoint them as early as possible.


That's really well expressed. I've met some of those recently. It's frightening to see people so dependent on a constant stream of positive feedback. It's normal to enjoy praise, but to be offended if you don't get it....?


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19 Mar 2020, 7:51 am

HacKING wrote:
I have this issue where anytime I find an activity that I love so much that it makes some of my stress away and I can engage in a lot, someone gets mad at me for being so "distant" or "aloof" and makes it impossible for me to engage in this activity or enjoy it because they constantly put pressure on me to pay attention to them and it's frustrating.


Relatable, man! Everything I do, I have to do right--so I sometimes annoy people by disappearing into a room to write, fix things, listen to records, or whatever. Autism opens us up to having some incredible capacities for good hobbies, but the rest of that stuff kind of comes with the territory.


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19 Mar 2020, 9:37 am

I have to be careful right now to balance doing things I need to do with things I want to do during my enforced shut in time. My activities are in suspension and so is my job. Should I use the time to clean out my closet or write?