When people say smile more what do you mean?

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hollowmoon
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24 Mar 2020, 1:37 am

My sister told me to smile more so I just sat in class and walked around the entire day smiling and people thought I was crazy. Then she said “you don’t smile to yourself you smile AT other people!”
So is the only time your supposed to smile is AT other people? And when like when your talking?
This is so confusing...



Blue_Star
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24 Mar 2020, 2:12 am

When you walk in the hall & are about to pass someone, look at them lightly and smile. When you're speaking with someone, instead of just listening and nodding, smile slightly sometimes. If you're in a lecture, smile when you notice the lecturer's eyes scanning towards your portion of the room. After saying something non-negative, smile as the other person starts talking. I'd say it's about smiling slightly when one catches another's glance.

This isn't a big, cheesy, ear-to-ear grin, but a genuine, small, slight smile. The ear-to-ear ones tend to come across as creepy or mocking or such (assuming you're not doing it to someone in a humorous moment). Smiling doesn't have to be a huge, but only enough to keep your mouth from looking frowny. For me, that means my mouth looks basically flat/straight across and my cheeks pull up slightly.

I got called out for this once at a retail job where a fellow worker came up to me and said something like, "I never see you smiling! Do you smile? Smile more! Life isn't so bad." I stopped smiling, looked right at him, and told him, "This is me not smiling. I have a naturally frowny face. The only other smile I have is this." Then I did the creepy big pulled-back smile. He was a bit taken aback but shut up (and sorta apologized).

PS I'm assuming you mean "When People Say Smile More What Do They Mean?"



SharonB
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24 Mar 2020, 3:42 am

It means they are uncomfortable.

I am a smiley ASD person (in socially appropriate ways as noted in post above, but often "inappropriately": to myself or when super stressed). My ASD-like BFF is not smiley. It never ever occurred to me to ask her to smile more, ever. There are plenty of times I have asked her what she's thinking or how she feels, but I do not project my discomfort on her and "demand" this socially-defined behavior. That said, there are benefits to conforming, and as you experienced, one needs to know the rules. There can also be gender bias in it, so careful there (google "woman need to smile more").



warrier120
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24 Mar 2020, 11:31 am

When people say that, it means they are uncomfortable with your facial expressions. If you're autistic and the person saying it is NT, then that means they are uncomfortable with the way you, as an autistic person, are expressing yourself. (It's not something you can really control.)

I've been told this crap so many times! I often do not smile in front of other people if doing so is not out of genuine feelings. (I tend to smile when uncomfortable, nervous, truly happy, or laughing.)


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lostonearth35
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24 Mar 2020, 11:43 am

There is nothing worse than well-meaning morons telling you to smile when you no reason to do so:

"Smile! Life is too short to be sad!" :D
"Not as short as *your* life is going to be if you don't shut up." :x



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24 Mar 2020, 8:33 pm

hollowmoon wrote:
My sister told me to smile more so I just sat in class and walked around the entire day smiling and people thought I was crazy. Then she said “you don’t smile to yourself you smile AT other people!”
So is the only time your supposed to smile is AT other people? And when like when your talking?
This is so confusing...

Just keep a good mood and a friendly opinion towards the ones you are looking at. It reflects in your face and people will notice and are a nicer way towards you afterwards just because you seem more friendly then. Once you are talking to or looking at someone who you like you may give them a little smile in addition to show that you are liking them.


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BlueOysterCultist
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30 Mar 2020, 12:29 pm

hollowmoon wrote:
My sister told me to smile more so I just sat in class and walked around the entire day smiling and people thought I was crazy. Then she said “you don’t smile to yourself you smile AT other people!”
So is the only time your supposed to smile is AT other people? And when like when your talking?
This is so confusing...


When somebody tells you to smile more, it's because your default facial expression makes them uncomfortable. However, you aren't here to make them comfortable and their feelings aren't your responsibility. You don't owe anybody a smile.

When people tell me to smile more, I just give 'em the Kubrick Stare and tell them that I'll smile at their funeral. That usually teaches them.


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