Faux pas
03 Apr 2020, 4:20 am
Sometimes people (including, but not only, people with mild ASD (nothing I have got to say here applies to people with anything more serious than that)) have problems with social skills because they say ‘inappropriate’ things and then feel embarrassed. You could see this as the manifestation of a more general ‘social awkwardness’. (I will use this term to refer to what I am talking about although my use might be slightly non-standard. I’m sure people here will tell me if it is!)
Other examples of this awkwardness is that they don’t express themselves very well and so come across as boorish and maybe a rude (or just plain weird) when they are not really like that at all. Or they are not like that as much as people conclude they are.
And about all of this I think: is the problem here really (just) with the people who are feeling ‘socially awkward’? Isn’t it as much (if not more) to do with the other people they are talking to?
If someone was talking to me and they were ‘socially awkward’ (or shy or nervous or whatever term you want to use) then I would “cut them some slack”. If they said something a bit off I wouldn’t judge them on the basis of just this one incident. (You should never judge people on your first impression of them.) After all everybody puts a foot wrong now and then.
If shyness is the (quite reasonable) fear of social judgement then isn’t the solution to just avoid judgemental people? But are there any such people?
If people who are socially awkward are always dismissed (or rejected or ignored) because of that then they will never learn to be not socially awkward. They are the ones who need social interaction the most but, because of a simple lack of generosity on the part of others, they often get it the least!
