Is it possible to have good social skills?

Page 1 of 1 [ 16 posts ] 

ReginaNightstalker
Emu Egg
Emu Egg

Joined: 12 Apr 2020
Gender: Female
Posts: 5

13 Apr 2020, 8:34 am

I have just about all the traits of Asperger's Syndrome except for the social skills thing.I never meet strangers,can make friends instantly and I'm too trusting. I just feel like I will have trouble finding a job because of the responsibilities attached to it.But who knows?I could pick it up easily.



Ihavestandardsjust
Tufted Titmouse
Tufted Titmouse

Joined: 5 Mar 2020
Posts: 48
Location: uk

13 Apr 2020, 8:36 am

Yes I've found by mostly imitating others.



Velorum
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 11 Mar 2020
Age: 61
Gender: Male
Posts: 885
Location: Cornwall

13 Apr 2020, 9:03 am

I think that if you are ASD its definitely possible to replicate them or achieve a fair approximation. This is often stated as the reason that so many females (who appear to be better at it) have problems getting an ASD diagnosis.

From a personal perspective, I can give the impression of having passable social skills - however, its time limited as I find it exhausting. In fact I do it less and less as I get older.


_________________
ASD/AS ICD-10 F84.5


Mountain Goat
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 13 May 2019
Gender: Male
Posts: 8,369
Location: Wales,UK Relationship: Single Interests: Trains AgeGroup: 40's FavouriteColor: Green Music: CyndiLauper

13 Apr 2020, 9:04 am

Yes. Also some on the spectrum can be very social, so it depends how the autism effects them as an individual.


_________________
Awaiting asessment. Neurodiverse 173/200. Neurotypical 21/200. Empathy 11/80. AQ 39. https://everything2.com/user/Zifendorf/ ... s/shutdown

Buton A Button B


graceksjp
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 17 Aug 2018
Age: 20
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,695
Location: Down the rabbit hole

13 Apr 2020, 10:23 am

theres no reason why not. ive been trained to at least seem like i have normal social skills just the same as any nt. I've gotten so used to it, that i don't mind chatting and making friends and socializing in casual and professional settings in any way


_________________
*404 Error: Inspirational quote not found*

I HOPE EVERYONE IS HAVING THE MOST AMAZING DAY THEY CAN HAVE AND REMEMBERS TO SMILE *(^o^)*

HWAITING!! !! !!


Joseki
Emu Egg
Emu Egg

Joined: 13 Apr 2020
Age: 46
Gender: Male
Posts: 6
Location: USA

13 Apr 2020, 2:53 pm

I've tried very hard in my life to "mask" and mimic, and I think I am fairly successful at it, so long as I remain pretty quiet and don't say something "odd". It is terribly exhausting for me, though. Even with people I feel comfortable around, I can last about 90 minutes max interacting with them. If I don't know them well, we're talking 60 minutes at best before I crash and need to take a time out rest. My social engagement: silent solo rest period ratio is about 2:1.


_________________
Diagnoses: ASD Level 1, Social Anxiety


BTDT
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 26 Jul 2010
Age: 57
Gender: Female
Posts: 6,620

13 Apr 2020, 4:06 pm

I think there are other people on the spectrum who can make friends easily. Problem is, they can't hold on to them for very long.



Ulf
Butterfly
Butterfly

User avatar

Joined: 4 Mar 2020
Gender: Male
Posts: 10
Location: A remote island at the other end of the world

14 Apr 2020, 3:47 am

Joseki wrote:
I've tried very hard in my life to "mask" and mimic, and I think I am fairly successful at it, so long as I remain pretty quiet and don't say something "odd". It is terribly exhausting for me, though. Even with people I feel comfortable around, I can last about 90 minutes max interacting with them. If I don't know them well, we're talking 60 minutes at best before I crash and need to take a time out rest. My social engagement: silent solo rest period ratio is about 2:1.


I can identify with your comment. I can pass quite well for about that time until I either try to tell a joke ( :| that third glass of wine!) or someone starts to talk even accidentally about one of my hyper-interests. Then it’s all over in seconds as the crowd thins out and I don’t do the same until the batteries are exhausted! Recovery time similar. Worst dating story: Out for first date, nice restaurant good food, and she notices that instead of making eye contact I’m looking at her mouth. She leans over the table and says, “ I think you just want to kiss me now, you haven’t taken your eyes off my lips all evening!” It was going Ok till then, because I told her that she was a lovely date but that wasn’t the reason I was looking at her mouth of course. I didn’t really know or think to package that up more nicely or to lie of course :oops:


_________________
Avatar: Le surréaliste - Victor Brauner - (1947) (Sjølvportrett)

Natta syng sine songar - Night sings its songs Jon Fosse


Fireblossom
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 18 Jan 2017
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,574

14 Apr 2020, 9:18 am

It is, but from what I've understood, someone on the autism spectrum can't be a natural talent in socializing the way an NT can. Autistic people learn through mistakes and repeats far more than NTs, who're better at learning by observing others.



rick42
Toucan
Toucan

Joined: 20 Jun 2018
Age: 36
Gender: Male
Posts: 252

14 Apr 2020, 1:25 pm

It's really not possible to have good social skills if you are part of the Autism spectrum.The biggest part of even being on the spectrum in the first place is struggling to sociailze.We can learn how not make as many mistakes overtime by reseach or experience,however we will never be good or even medicore for that matter when it comes to social Skills.



BTDT
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 26 Jul 2010
Age: 57
Gender: Female
Posts: 6,620

14 Apr 2020, 3:45 pm

It is possible to have "good enough" social skils. Most NTs recognize the need for experts, and if you are willing to share that expertise, they will gladly overlook the social faux pas you make.



rick42
Toucan
Toucan

Joined: 20 Jun 2018
Age: 36
Gender: Male
Posts: 252

14 Apr 2020, 6:03 pm

BTDT wrote:
It is possible to have "good enough" social skils. Most NTs recognize the need for experts, and if you are willing to share that expertise, they will gladly overlook the social faux pas you make.



Not really.NT'S will always see the Aspie as socially inferior no matter much the Aspie tries to imrpove on his/her social skills.Most aspies will always have bad/terrible social skills.That can't change being that's such a huge part of the conditon the first place.Sure we can learn to make less social mistakes and be sightly less socially awkward overtime,however most of us will always be well below average when it comes to social skills and NT's.



Fireblossom
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 18 Jan 2017
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,574

15 Apr 2020, 9:30 am

rick42 wrote:
BTDT wrote:
It is possible to have "good enough" social skils. Most NTs recognize the need for experts, and if you are willing to share that expertise, they will gladly overlook the social faux pas you make.



Not really.NT'S will always see the Aspie as socially inferior no matter much the Aspie tries to imrpove on his/her social skills.Most aspies will always have bad/terrible social skills.That can't change being that's such a huge part of the conditon the first place.Sure we can learn to make less social mistakes and be sightly less socially awkward overtime,however most of us will always be well below average when it comes to social skills and NT's.


I think this depends on what one considers to be "good enough." If someone doesn't have to deal with you a lot, they might think that your social skills are good enough as long as you aren't so annoying that they'd want to bite your head off when they talk to you.



JustFoundHere
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 13 Jan 2018
Age: 57
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,129
Location: California

05 May 2020, 6:52 pm

On account of a pandemic with 'stay-at-home' directives, and 'social distancing', the reconsideration of just how social-skills might be improved has taken on yet additional facets.

I feel that my views towards social skills & developing friendships will be very much changed after restrictions are lifted. Being the optimist, I sense some improvement beyond mere small-talk. Yet, I remain largely uncertain.

I sense that new acquaintances will be with well........thoughtful people. A timely example: 'thoughtful' might describe people who are currently more conscientious than average regarding protective measures e.g., remembering to wear masks in public, and adhering to social-distancing, and staying at home as much as possible.

Up until before so much had shut-down, socializing was nothing more that 'small-talk' face-to-face at my local coffee house with a couple of post university staff members. A part of me misses these face-to-face experiences. Yet, again, at a (let's hope) near future-time, meeting new people through arts-related activities will become a must!

RELATED: Further details in WP discussion thread, 'How Is Pandemic Influencing Social-Skill Concerns?' (thread has a few responses as of this writing): viewtopic.php?t=386175



Josefine
Emu Egg
Emu Egg

Joined: 8 May 2020
Gender: Female
Posts: 6
Location: Sweden

09 May 2020, 3:52 pm

Yes it’s definitely possible and why not?
I believe autistic people can even have “better” “deeper” and more “meaningful” friendships.
It just takes longer because most of us have an image of what a friendship is that is more of a fantasy or childhood friendship to others.
We compare reality to stories, films, dreams.

While a lot of people in the world especially adults sadly don’t even have friends and if they do it’s just drinking friends, gosisip friends, friends they need for certain tasks.

While what I believe being autistic, having autistic family, partner, friends and worked with autistic youth, and autistic elderly is that autistic people can love people and be friends with people without expectations of getting anything physical in return.

Also the need to connect on deeper level, small talk just doesn’t cut it.
Everyone has a depth, every single person on this planet is interesting so Ofcourse it’s strange that people need to hide themselves so much.
Autistic people that tend to not have as much of those borders either get pushed away or get confused by others people’s limits.

But in the right circumstances are the fist ones to connect.
We need to remember that there is so much people out there that is lonely.
The people we got taught to imitate are stuck in a materialist empty void.
They need friends like us.
People that are curious, can be quiet around and feel comfortable, people with special imagination and interests.

It’s like with art, most art probably from cave paintings until today have been made by sick people of all kinds.
“The burden of society”
Artists are usually not seen as professional or very useful but what would life be without it?
Autistic people are part of the art in this world and it would be very boring without us.

Don’t listen to everyone saying we can’t make friends or have deep relationships. It’s just different and don’t expect less because people could surprise you and when finding other curious people you will grow and learn from each other
:heart:



BTDT
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 26 Jul 2010
Age: 57
Gender: Female
Posts: 6,620

09 May 2020, 4:10 pm

I find that I can continue conversations with normal people, even if it is only at lunch time every couple days.
A lot of people appreciate it when you remember what is important to them.