Do women simply just dislike Aspie men?

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Steve1963
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15 Aug 2020, 6:06 am

hurtloam wrote:
It's not the lack of image, or not dressing right or doing your hair right that puts women off. It's the passivity, the lack of confidence, the boring conversation, the lack of affection, the obsessions, the lack of communication, the mixed up communication, the lack of executive functioning skills. Women want a partner, not someone to take care of.

I'm generalising. There are responsible aspie men out there, but looks are the least of some blokes worries.

Really, really, REALLY well said. I'm running into this problem as I get older. The older I get, the less I'm able to properly care for myself and my family, at least in an emotional sense. My wife's not having it though, which is causing some marital strife.



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15 Aug 2020, 7:09 am

hurtloam wrote:
cberg wrote:
You don't. We need to transition from an image based society to basically anything more substantial.


It's not the lack of image, or not dressing right or doing your hair right that puts women off. It's the passivity, the lack of confidence, the boring conversation, the lack of affection, the obsessions, the lack of communication, the mixed up communication, the lack of executive functioning skills. Women want a partner, not someone to take care of.

I'm generalising. There are responsible aspie men out there, but looks are the least of some blokes worries.


As a male, I don't have a problem with looking after my partner.
Some men are rather protective.

Women have been influenced by evolution in looking for a provider for themselves and their offspring.
Not all, but it is in the background.
This is part of the reason why many women are prepared to be with someone not quite in their physical league if they are a good provider. :wink:
This is a guide, not a generalisation. 8)



hurtloam
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15 Aug 2020, 11:17 am

Pepe wrote:
hurtloam wrote:
cberg wrote:
You don't. We need to transition from an image based society to basically anything more substantial.


It's not the lack of image, or not dressing right or doing your hair right that puts women off. It's the passivity, the lack of confidence, the boring conversation, the lack of affection, the obsessions, the lack of communication, the mixed up communication, the lack of executive functioning skills. Women want a partner, not someone to take care of.

I'm generalising. There are responsible aspie men out there, but looks are the least of some blokes worries.


As a male, I don't have a problem with looking after my partner.
Some men are rather protective.

Women have been influenced by evolution in looking for a provider for themselves and their offspring.
Not all, but it is in the background.
This is part of the reason why many women are prepared to be with someone not quite in their physical league if they are a good provider. :wink:
This is a guide, not a generalisation. 8)


You wanna be someone's carer? Go for it. I want an equal. I don't want to Mummy to someone who won't pick up their socks and who can't cook.



Romofan
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15 Aug 2020, 11:33 am

I think, looking back, that most of the women that wanted me were on the Spectrum. Nt types often considered my scruffy appearance and indifferent dress to be risible.


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The_Face_of_Boo
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15 Aug 2020, 12:04 pm

hurtloam wrote:
cberg wrote:
You don't. We need to transition from an image based society to basically anything more substantial.


It's not the lack of image, or not dressing right or doing your hair right that puts women off. It's the passivity, the lack of confidence, the boring conversation, the lack of affection, the obsessions, the lack of communication, the mixed up communication, the lack of executive functioning skills. Women want a partner, not someone to take care of.

I'm generalising. There are responsible aspie men out there, but looks are the least of some blokes worries.


Aka, we are potatoes and grown up toddlers.



hurtloam
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15 Aug 2020, 1:17 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
hurtloam wrote:
cberg wrote:
You don't. We need to transition from an image based society to basically anything more substantial.


It's not the lack of image, or not dressing right or doing your hair right that puts women off. It's the passivity, the lack of confidence, the boring conversation, the lack of affection, the obsessions, the lack of communication, the mixed up communication, the lack of executive functioning skills. Women want a partner, not someone to take care of.

I'm generalising. There are responsible aspie men out there, but looks are the least of some blokes worries.


Aka, we are potatoes and grown up toddlers.


You seem like a grown up who's got-it-together



The_Face_of_Boo
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15 Aug 2020, 3:41 pm

hurtloam wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
hurtloam wrote:
cberg wrote:
You don't. We need to transition from an image based society to basically anything more substantial.


It's not the lack of image, or not dressing right or doing your hair right that puts women off. It's the passivity, the lack of confidence, the boring conversation, the lack of affection, the obsessions, the lack of communication, the mixed up communication, the lack of executive functioning skills. Women want a partner, not someone to take care of.

I'm generalising. There are responsible aspie men out there, but looks are the least of some blokes worries.


Aka, we are potatoes and grown up toddlers.


You seem like a grown up who's got-it-together



On very shaky foundations tho.



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15 Aug 2020, 6:25 pm

You know, I'm starting to think this train of thought about us being highly regressive just because we're different is hurting people on the spectrum immeasurably. I make decent money, study a lot, drive etc. & I'm just as alone as guys who can't find their socks. We can acknowledge the disturbing ways people look down on us without harboring that kind of hostility ourselves.


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15 Aug 2020, 6:38 pm

I mean this reminds me of the "Autism $peaks" trope about all those poor confused parents out there in the world; total ignorance towards adults with ASD is the result. It stops people from looking at us as equals & screws with our heads. We don't owe our parents some debt based on personal grievances over biology.

If this is the inevitable norm & we're all going to have to live with it or get blackmailed/drugged by psychiatrists into behaving as absolutely NT as we can without dropping dead, someone let me know please?


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15 Aug 2020, 7:29 pm

cberg wrote:
You know, I'm starting to think this train of thought about us being highly regressive just because we're different is hurting people on the spectrum immeasurably. I make decent money, study a lot, drive etc. & I'm just as alone as guys who can't find their socks. We can acknowledge the disturbing ways people look down on us without harboring that kind of hostility ourselves.


I agree with this assessment.



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15 Aug 2020, 9:04 pm

By that logic I have to wonder if there's any reason at all for me not to give up.


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15 Aug 2020, 9:16 pm

hurtloam wrote:
Pepe wrote:
hurtloam wrote:
cberg wrote:
You don't. We need to transition from an image based society to basically anything more substantial.


It's not the lack of image, or not dressing right or doing your hair right that puts women off. It's the passivity, the lack of confidence, the boring conversation, the lack of affection, the obsessions, the lack of communication, the mixed up communication, the lack of executive functioning skills. Women want a partner, not someone to take care of.

I'm generalising. There are responsible aspie men out there, but looks are the least of some blokes worries.


As a male, I don't have a problem with looking after my partner.
Some men are rather protective.

Women have been influenced by evolution in looking for a provider for themselves and their offspring.
Not all, but it is in the background.
This is part of the reason why many women are prepared to be with someone not quite in their physical league if they are a good provider. :wink:
This is a guide, not a generalisation. 8)


You wanna be someone's carer? Go for it. I want an equal. I don't want to Mummy to someone who won't pick up their socks and who can't cook.


Ouch! 8O
I think you have misrepresented my intent/message.
Obviously there has to be some sort of reciprocal relationship.

BTW, How did you go from my saying some men are naturally inclined to be protective to you being a "mummy" to someone?

I did explain the influence of the evolutionary process where men were the providers of protection and sustenance and women were concerned with the care of children while the hunters, err, hunted. :mrgreen:

All organisms are influenced by the natural selection process.
Humans aren't the exception.
It is in our genetic coding. ;)



hurtloam
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16 Aug 2020, 4:08 am

In traditional gender roles women seem to mummy men who don't know how to cook or use a washing machine or organise how to get the family together.

Men might want to kill the robber who tries to murder their family in their sleep as "protection", but women pick up all the stupid crap men won't do.

In the 21st century we don't need men in our homes giving us more work to do.

I've been messed around by guys so much I've realised my life is actually pretty good, why would I want a hanger in dragging my standard of living down anyway. They bring me nothing but pain. They can go live their selfish little lives out of my face.



Last edited by hurtloam on 16 Aug 2020, 4:23 am, edited 1 time in total.

cyberdad
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16 Aug 2020, 4:20 am

hurtloam wrote:
but women pick up all the stupid crap men won't do.

In the 21st century we don't need men in our homes giving us more work to do.

I've been messed around by guys so much I've realised my life is actually pretty good, why would I want a hanger in dragging my standard of living down anyway. They bring me nothing but pain. They can go live their selfish little lives out of my face.


You sound like my wife :lol:



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16 Aug 2020, 4:22 am

cyberdad wrote:
hurtloam wrote:
but women pick up all the stupid crap men won't do.

In the 21st century we don't need men in our homes giving us more work to do.

I've been messed around by guys so much I've realised my life is actually pretty good, why would I want a hanger in dragging my standard of living down anyway. They bring me nothing but pain. They can go live their selfish little lives out of my face.


You sound like my wife :lol:


Which reinforces the enjoyment of my freedom :lol:



hurtloam
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16 Aug 2020, 4:25 am

That's why I can't be bothered trying to make friends anymore. It's always me organising things. The 2 I've kept over the years put in an equal effort