How soon should I come out as an Aspie

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On Monday I plan on signing up to Catholic dating site and start searching for my future spouse, I was originally planning on waiting until I have a job, but just as I was getting ready to print out my resume and go to a local supermarket that's well known for providing jobs for young adults, the Coronavirus hit. So I figured I'd use the time available now, to get to know someone.

When it comes to dating and relationships, how soon should I come out as having Apsergers?

I told my partner that I'm autistic near the middle of our first date. I could tell we were getting along but I wanted to put it on the table straight away, just in case it would be a dealbreaker or an issue. If I waited a few dates and then told him, it might be more awkward for him to have a sudden change of heart. I also felt that it was appropriate to discuss because we were talking about his own PTSD and how it affects his life.

I don't know what the general consensus is, but I thought it would be easier to tell him from Day 1.

If you aren't really far on the spectrum just skip it and let them find out. Also if you have many noticable autistic traits then you don't have to tell - they'll notice them either and either accept or dislike the way you are. Most people don't know anything about Asperger's and autism or do imagine those people as mentally really ret*d.

I see your point. But what would happen if the couple kept dating or lived together and got married, and one of them hadn't disclosed their autism? What if they decide to have children? I think the non-ND partner has a right to know the other's genetic history. I'm not saying they shouldn't / can't have children. That's not what I mean at all. Autistic parents can be wonderful parents, and they can raise wonderful children (NT or ND). But I can't imagine not disclosing to my partner as if it's some type of secret to be ashamed of. Likewise, how would I be able to spend my time on Wrong Planet or reading books about autism without telling them what I'm doing? Would I have a double life in that regard? I think you need to tell your partner assuming you think the relationship has a future, so you aren't keeping secrets or acting ashamed. Then, it's their choice to accept it or not as they see your personality unfold.

I disclosed to my last ex pretty early, but she also had health issues that she was mentioning so it was easy to bring up. I'm not really bothered to mention it to folks who also have health issues to disclose, but otherwise I might be more hesitant.

Just maybe mention it after you get to know the girl first? It may take a date or two. If you are lucky you can find girls who share a lot of the same traits & that's not nearly as awkward.

Besides, let me know how the Catholic dating site thing goes!

My wife had it figured it out within 30 minutes of talking to me on our first date, her first husband has ASD as have 3 of her grandchildren.

At least she knew what she was getting into!

Sure thing, here's a blog that lists the top 10 Catholic dating sites, I'm going for #6 because it's free and still seems pretty good, but I'll move up #2, CatholicMatch, if things poorly site-wise.

It’s too early for him to worry about that.

My answer is : Never.

They will find it out as a “personality type”, and she should know it before marriage.

These are pretty much my sentiments as well.

Once I'm comfortable with a person, I tend to make jokes about my autism, though, so I guess that's sort of a disclosure?

This is a great question. I've only come out once, early in a relationship when my gf at the time was upset over a miscommunication. I wonder, had I disclosed this to other women on dates, if they would have understood me better. I can imagine that some girls would appreciate this fact, some would dislike the idea of dating an aspie, and many wouldn't care much either way. I guess it makes sense to wait until you have a connection with someone before sharing, but it wouldn't necessarily hurt to put this in a profile.

Anyway, I find this to be an entirely personal matter of whether one feels comfortable enough to disclose. It's really nobody else's business and no one should feel obligated. In a close relationship, it's probably an important detail to share. Again what I'm wondering is, if one shares early on while dating someone new, will this actually lead to better communication and strengthen our connection?

Hopefully some of these thoughts are helpful to you!

That's probably not a bad way to go about it. The only scenario it might backfire in is if the partner also has it, doesn't realize you do too and are making a joke about your own autism and not theirs that they haven't yet disclosed.

You know, unless they're mature enough to date, in which case once they've figured out your motive it will flip to being positive.