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Joined: 9 Jun 2020
Age: 57
Gender: Male
Posts: 816
Location: western MA, USA

17 Jul 2020, 1:22 pm

livingwithautism wrote:
Yeah I'm sick of NT bashing and the "us vs. them" mentality.
Agreed. everybody's got some problem or another, even NT's.

Your profile pic reminded me how much I miss bowling. :(


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Joined: 23 Feb 2010
Gender: Female
Posts: 20,104
Location: South-East England

17 Jul 2020, 3:55 pm

Fnord wrote:
livingwithautism wrote:
Fnord wrote:
livingwithautism wrote:
They are more ignorant than mean.  They don’t have first hand experience of being autistic so they don’t understand.
Neither do any of us have first-hand experience of being "normal" -- does that make us any better?
It’s not about better or worse, it’s just different. We are all just people and nobody fully understands everyone else.
Then I have to wonder why not all of us believe this, and see fit only to bash "neurotypicals" for being mean when some of us are often be just as mean as they.

:( Sad.

Anybody can be a jerk, but it is Aspies that often get criticised by the general population for not understanding NTs and get accused of lacking empathy (and Aspies believe it themselves :( ) while NTs not understanding Aspies seem to just be an inevitable thing but all NTs are still automatically in the "have excellent empathy" category.

Aged 31
On antidepressants
Have ASD, ADHD and anxiety disorder
Empathy score: 61 out of a possible 80. (High)


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Joined: 31 Jan 2019
Age: 30
Gender: Female
Posts: 464
Location: Nashville

26 Jul 2020, 5:48 pm

Fair disclaimer: Personal biases about "how people generally are" incoming.

Children are the means of immortality for people who will never have statues made of them or entries in history texts. You are an extension of their status. Everything they are working for... burning themselves out in meaningless wage-labor.... investments made that could have purchased hedonistic living... all of it they are doing in order to attempt to make their clan into nobility eventually.

In primate hierarchical cultures that most resemble ours, this jockeying for generational social power is "everything."

At the same time, our society conditions us to value sociable, industrious behavior as the means to status. This is how someone acquires resource abundance, genetically ideal breeding partners, and the deference of one's peers.

Therefore, if my assessment is accurate in this circumstance, your mother is stressed that you are not enhancing her, and your own, legacy by raising your dynastic position. She probably sees the nagging on these issues as in your best interest for your future happiness, because status, sex, and power = happiness in the minds of many.

We seldom realize, for example, that our most private thoughts and emotions are not actually our own. For we think in terms of languages and images which we did not invent, but which were given to us by our society - Alan Watts


Joined: 29 May 2018
Age: 36
Gender: Female
Posts: 115
Location: USA

28 Jul 2020, 3:12 pm

Vissora wrote:
My neurotypical mom would often say things to me like:

"You don't have any friends."
"You need to stop asking salespeople for their opinion. You need some friends whom you can go shopping together with so that you can consult your friends for their opinion."
"Do you still hang out with any old friends? Other people have friends whom they are still keeping in touch from their childhood days, and you don't have any friends."
"I bet you won't have any bridesmaid when you get married in future, since you don't have any friends."
"You can't even hold down a job."
"You keep getting fired from every job you had."
"Others who are the same age as you are so successful in life and you are still at nowhere in life."

To be perfectly honest, as someone else said here, this just sounds like a toxic parent to me. The last line you wrote is just outright bullying. I’m sure when you describe “NTs” you’re not referring to every NT, but I’ve noticed throughout my life that an unusually high number of NTs seem to fall on the narcissist/sociopath spectrum. As someone in this thread also said, it seems as if a lot of NTs view almost every situation in life as a “winning and losing” situation and seem to approach every situation with that mindset. Maybe your mother sees your success (or lack thereof) as an extension of herself and you not fitting a specific mold is some sort of narcissistic injury.

I’m not trying to diagnose your mother over the internet. I just think a large portion of our society tends to promote values which are consistent with cluster B personality disorders and that your mother may have subconsciously absorbed this throughout her life, whether she’s aware of it or not.