My father died

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My brother emailed me to let me know that our father passed away yesterday. Although my siblings maintained relationships with him, I have had nothing to do with him for probably 40 years or so.

I have to admit my first thought was "The bastard finally died." I don't need to go into the details, but I am glad I don't have some possible interaction hanging over my head anymore. I knew he was failing and was fearing a last minute request for some kind of reconciliation, which I did not want but would have felt like a jerk denying the last wish of a dying man. Thank God that did not happen.

At the same time, I am feeling sad today. I think it is sadness over the loss of a father, just any father, not him. And also the loss of never having had a family that was like a regular family. I cannot remember a single good interaction with him, or a single thing good about him. That is also sad.

My brother wrote, "this chapter is ended."

Amen.

((Amen))

Thinking of you, blaze.

Your loss will prompt a lot of emotions and memories. Please know they're all valid, and we're here for you if you want to talk about those feelings.

Sending you hugs as you process this news.

I am sorry for your family's loss.

My father and I were also estranged long before he died.  While I miss the 'daddy' he was in my early single-digit years, I do not miss the man he became as much.  I grieve more for what might have been than for anything else.

Again, I am sorry for what you and your family have lost.

Wise words, Isabella. Thank you.

Sorry to hear you're feeling sad blasingstar

Thank you, Fnord and domineekee. I really appreciate the support.

I’m here if you want to talk.

I send my condolences for your loss.

I had the same reaction when I heard mine died. Since I've only met him twice after the age of three, I had no real feelings of sadness or loss - at least not for him.

But Isabella is spot on, the event triggered all kinds of memories and emotions, followed by a lot of soul-searching and reflection. In the end, the whole thing was actually beneficial for me, as it forced me to look at some stuff that has been festering out of sight for too long and even reconsider my adamant position about not wanting any children myself.

What I wanted to say is that I hope you're not feeling in any way guilty and that anything you feel right now, as conflicting or confusing as it might be, it's perfectly natural and probably healthy. And I wish you peace and fast healing

Sorry to hear of your loss.

When my mother dies I had not seen her or had contact for nearly 30 years. To my surprise I was very upset.

Sorry for what sadness and confusion you are feeling.

My sympathies on the loss of your father BlazingStar, conflicting feelings I think are normal, even if the memories aren't generally happy ones.

Even if you arent grieving in a typical sense, there is the emotional turbulence from memories and a need to be gentle on yourself while you process them.

Thank you all. I don't know what to say in response.