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My girlfriend doesn't respect my need to have time by myself

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XFilesGeek
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15 May 2020, 12:47 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
XFilesGeek wrote:
blazingstar wrote:
Thank you Isabella and XFG. You have said more clearly what I was trying to say a bit more gently. It had to be said.

This is one of those situations in which there is no GOOD solution. The LEAST BAD is the best anyone is going to get.
Unless the couple can really make progress in therapy, which is a longshot, but still possible.


Exactly. Another concern of mine is what if the child is autistic?

Retro already said that his girlfriend doesn't respect his needs as an autistic person. Does anyone think that she'd respect the needs of an autistic child?

Retro needs to start setting boundaries and asserting himself because he may be the only advocate this baby has.



People care for their children more than their spouses.


True.

However, just looking around on WP, there are plenty of people with stories to tell of growing up with parents that didn't accommodate their autistic needs.

IMHO, Retro's girlfriend sounds like a spoiled cow.


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Teach51
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15 May 2020, 1:14 pm

XFilesGeek wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
XFilesGeek wrote:
blazingstar wrote:
Thank you Isabella and XFG. You have said more clearly what I was trying to say a bit more gently. It had to be said.

This is one of those situations in which there is no GOOD solution. The LEAST BAD is the best anyone is going to get.
Unless the couple can really make progress in therapy, which is a longshot, but still possible.


Exactly. Another concern of mine is what if the child is autistic?

Retro already said that his girlfriend doesn't respect his needs as an autistic person. Does anyone think that she'd respect the needs of an autistic child?

Retro needs to start setting boundaries and asserting himself because he may be the only advocate this baby has.



People care for their children more than their spouses.


True.

However, just looking around on WP, there are plenty of people with stories to tell of growing up with parents that didn't accommodate their autistic needs.

IMHO, Retro's girlfriend sounds like a spoiled cow.


Precisely my sentiment^


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hurtloam
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15 May 2020, 2:23 pm

IsabellaLinton wrote:

They know they are having a girl. In my mind this suggests she will be raised with the same expectations as her mother, like an ally. She might grow to treat Retro the same way. :( In my gender-reversal scenario, this would be akin to the couple having a baby boy who would learn cultural standards from the father.


I thought I might pick up on this point so that it doesn't send Retro into despair that he may never connect with his daughter. My Mum wanted us to be her allies.

However, I've always been very close to my Dad. He wasn't the crazy hysterical one who had irrational mood swings.

Actually, he's a little crazy too, but I didn't have to walk on eggshells around him in the same way.

There is hope.



IsabellaLinton
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15 May 2020, 2:29 pm

hurtloam wrote:
IsabellaLinton wrote:

They know they are having a girl. In my mind this suggests she will be raised with the same expectations as her mother, like an ally. She might grow to treat Retro the same way. :( In my gender-reversal scenario, this would be akin to the couple having a baby boy who would learn cultural standards from the father.


I thought I might pick up on this point so that it doesn't send Retro into despair that he may never connect with his daughter. My Mum wanted us to be her allies.

However, I've always been very close to my Dad. He wasn't the crazy hysterical one who had irrational mood swings.

Actually, he's a little crazy too, but I didn't have to walk on eggshells around him in the same way.

There is hope.


So true. My mother wasn't anything like Retro's GF but my dad was autistic, and we bonded very well. We were really close and always understood each other. I didn't mean to suggest there's no hope, but rather that Retro should insist on having a relationship with his daughter that doesn't reinforce his GF's ideals.


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Kitty4670
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17 May 2020, 6:28 pm

I really think couple counseling is the best.