I Am Scared Of Being Assessed.

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I mask a lot. I did not realize how much until yesterday. Someone put a link up and I watched it. It made me aware how much I mask and I masked from an early age. I thought everyone masked and it was often a puzzle how well others masked! It never even occurred to me that some were not masking!

Anyway, I am really concerned about two things.

The first is being told I am not on the spectrum when I am.

The second is being told I am on the spectrum when I am not.

And actually, whatever the results are when I am assessed, I want them to make perfect sense. I don't want to feel "Well that's not me?" I want to feel "Yes. That is me and who I am".

The ladies advice was to lwarn to unmask, but I can't do that. I have spent so many years masking that I hardly know what is masking and what is unmasking any more. I have gradually learn't what is expected. I have learned what common phrazes mean when they don't mean what they say. I am intelligent, so a great number of traits are well hidden. They are admittedly minor traits... But all these masks are like onions. (Remember Shrek and Donkey?)

I never forget watching the same lady in the link shown talk about masking, when I first started looking at autism just before I joined this site, and I remember that alarm bells were screaming at me that what she was saying I did, but it took me a lot of thought to unravel it. I identified what I call manual masking where I mentally am constantly adjusting my every move and word I say to maintain a mask, but the already programmed masking I did where I had previously done the same to such an extent that it "Stuck" so it was like I was no longer masking, as my body and mind had learned the mask so effectively over time that it stuck? Example. Trying to stop figiting. Various teachers and also my parents over the years would tell me off for figiting. I now know it to be stimming. When I learned to stop one stim another would start somewhere else! The thing is after many, many years of concentrated effort where I reached the point where I had concored all stimms (This was before I knew about autism), I found the shutdowns (I didn't know what was causing them or what they were called in those days) were massively increasing. (It makes perfect sense now!)

So anyway. I am concerned that if I am on the spectrum, that I will be diagnosed as being on the spectrum, and if I am not I will be diagnosed as not being on the spectrum, and that it will all make perfect sense ad sit right with whatever I am assessed to be with. I probably have quite a time to wait before I am assessed as yet. I hope it is soon though... The stress of waiting... Well. In the past I have cancelled things or let things go because I could not cope with the waiting... (Now I know what it is called as this is another feeling I didn't know what it is called until recently...) but it gives me anxiety in the waiting. And the more I wait the more anxious I get.
What works for me best to avoid anxiety is if I had a phonecall out of the blue and was told "Please come now for your assessment". The only problem with that is though I would avoid the anxiety, they may need to pick me off the floor when I get there as I will likely have shut down due to the sudden change! Haha. But anxiety or shutdowns... Grrr! (STIM, STIM, STIM!! !! (Virtual stimming!) HAHA!)

Oh dear. Calm down Mountain Goat. It might never happen!

"Whenever two people meet, there are six identities present. Each person as they think of themselves, each person as they think of the other, and each person as they really are."

Also, those who study Dunning-Kruger syndrome estimate that your odds of finding a competent assessor are about 10%, although the chances of them getting lucky and being right may be better.

I dont think anyone knows what is happening with this lockdown.
Just 10%? It goes to show how difficult it is to assess people!

Remember, childhood traits are really the most important evidence. So make sure you have all that information. The complains about stimming are important. Any complains about daydreaming/inattention? Other complaints from school?

Girls don't seem to get as much complaint from school. Maybe that explains their much lower diagnosis prevalence.

I thought I was masking when interacting with my daughters therapist (specializes in ASD). Apparently, I didn't fool her at all . This was before I started exploring ASD, although I knew I was ASD from reading about AS in the late 1970s.

MG,
Your assessment isn't really based on how you describe yourself to the doctor, because that's all subjective. You will answer some questions but primarily, the diagnosis will be based on hours of quantitative tests and objective scores. You can't fake that stuff. It's pretty hard to fool clinical data especially when it's double-blind and developed by research scientists.

Thanks both. Much appreciated.

Some of it IS based an interviewing you. Just relax, and be honest. Just let your true self come through. A trained therapist will be able figure out your true self (whichever it is, ASD, or NT).

I recommend what the others are saying, do your best to be yourself and don't be afraid to share any of your past history or experiences. During my last assessment I didn't hold anything back - I would interrupt often with previous examples from my life to ensure my point of view was getting across. I'm not saying you have to be this honest, but share what you feel most comfortable with and take into consideration what the assessor is requesting.

I was also very worried about masking and if the result would be an accurate representation of me, but if your honest the assessor will be able to determine who you really are. If your assessor gives you an opportunity to schedule a follow-up when the results are finalized I highly recommend going to better understand your final report and how they came to these conclusions. As another previous post said, most of the report should be an objective look at the test results which can't be easily faked.

Most importantly relax during the testing. Remember these are tests about you and your skills. If they come up as positive for ASD or not they should give you the insight you seek to better understand yourself and to help you on your life journey.

Does anyone know if they are doing assessments with this virus situation?

Actually, everyone does mask, at least to some extent. Most NT's just don't need to mask as arduously and intensively as many autistic people do, because the social norms are closer to what comes naturally to NT's.

Good question. Has anyone gotten assessed recently?

I have not heard of anyone in the UK being assessed since the virus lockdown but I have not been noticing.

I had those same worries. It wasn't until I was sure that I had it that I reached out for an assessment. I felt really good about it when I had the assessment though. It was like they knew my precise problems and knew exactly what to ask. I get the results tomorrow morning, but I basically know what it is going to be.

Myne was by video appointment. There was a 2 year waiting list but I got an assessment straight away because I needed the assessment for going to uni. It's a long wait. You will want to ask yourself if you are going to add to the amount of time you are in limbo about it and don't have an answer for yourself.

I am in a bit of a catch situation because I am having twinges in a tooth that needs removing. My dentist can't do it because I am too nurvous (I am too nurvous to have a checkup) and adrenaline in injections effects me in that my heart slows and I have to force myself to breathe... So I can only have work done if I am knocked out, so I will need to go to the specialist... And my dentist needs me assessed because (And this was before the virus) so I can be put forward in the list as without it there are years of waiting. Last time it was a five year wait and by that time I could not see in my left eye due to the absus pushing up under my eye. (Sight came back after the tooth was removed). I am not on the list as I am a bit scared to see my dentist with the extra restrictions. Before I was on the floor outside the dentist surgery having shutdowns in the rain just for checkups!

But anyway. Without an assessment I can't get to be knocked out without years of waiting. If I am on the spectrum (Or assessed and it has something which explains things) I won't have to wait years.

It is also a similar situation (Though due to the help from the local benefits office staff who realized I was telling the truth and I was not yet ready to find work so all is sorted on that side for now) as I have nothing official to show them without being assessed.

The problem is that while waiting, the pressure comes down to me because it is like I get told to try to get seen sooner rather then later and yet there is nothing I can do to get seen sooner, so why tell me to try to be seen sooner when it is out of my control? (I am not saying recently that pressure has been put on me, but it feels like it when I can't do anything about it. I feel that "Why can't the one who asks me to try to speed things up get in touch directly with the ones who do the assessing, so I am not a middleman?" I am not saying that I am a middleman but I can feel trapped as being an in the middle if that makes sense. It almost feels like I am the problem for having issues. Sorry. Everyone has been kind. Is just the waiting and hoping that I don't get issues from my tooth and hoping that I am assessed before the next benefits review as with the last review I was going to quit claiming to protect myself from going through stress. Fortunately the people in my local benefits office took over and sorted things out).


Sorry. I am not very good at waiting as while waiting I can get stressed because I will be thinking about the assessment.
That is part of why I get shutdowns when I go to the dentist. If I could just go down and be seen there and then as I have psyked myself up to go in, I would cope. But because I have months of waiting for a checkup (I should have arranged for a checkup appointment before this covid began so I have nothing booked because as soon as I book, for the months of waiting I "Carry" the thought that I have the appointment coming like a background stress).

I hope that I am making sense?

I don't understand why you need an autism assessment to get on the waiting list for the dental work. An adverse effect of an injection is a medical problem that is much easier to diagnose, especially since you seem to have had a previous dentist confirm the problem.

Can't you see a doctor about your sensitivity to adrenaline and use the medical notes/diagnosis to get on the dental waiting list? Or have the previous dentist somehow get you on the waiting list?

As for the masking, in my experience hours of questionnaires and cognitive testing help break down the mask quite well. And similar to what others have said, you won't just be interacting in a day-to-day fashion; the psychologist(s) will judge you by your test results and will also observe you completing tests, and it's harder to mask when you are focused on those kinds of tasks.