A life lesson for the active guys here: never chase.

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Isn't it much nicer to cause the girls to crush on you at first sight then to chase them?

Interesting thread...I tend to agree with the consensus here that when a lady is interested, she will show in subtle or not-so-subtle ways...The less conservative the lady, the more OBVIOUS she will be...NTs even use the word "aggressive" to described this last type...

Of course, there are always exceptions to the rules...And in this case, i am the exception; i much prefer to be chased than to chase...Boyfriend #1 chased me for 4 years...I felt deeply in love with him...Boyfriend #2 chased me for more or less the same amount...Boyfriend #3 chased me--long-distance--for appx 7 years...With boyfriend #4, i felt pressured to date him by our mutual friends, so he did not have to chase me...The draw-back of preferring to be chased than to chase is that I DID NOT CHOOSE THEM; THEY CHOSE ME...And so, all above attempts to LOVE failed grossly...

Looking back, i am glad that i learned my lesson...And by the time i was chased by he who became my beloved (Aspie) husband, i was mature enough to have a say on the future of our relationship...And i was able to help him per se...That is only after he convinced me...And he was very persuasive...And as i have stated here in WP before, i ended-up falling in love with his superior logical brain...

Boo posted a link to this thread in another thread and I didn't want to go off topic there.

Is this not anecdotal evidence?

I know couples where the woman made the first move and where the man made the first move. It's not consistent.

I know more women than men who have been consistently rejected for making a move. Me being one of them. I've been gently made fun of by my friends for consistently trying.

It's laughable to me that there's people out there who think women have all the power in this. I am so powerless.

Are you sure he really made the first move without her showing super strong signs of interest? people usually don't tell you the minor details.

Yes, it was the day after he met her. His friends all thought he was mad. He took her by surprise. He was just so smitten with her he felt he had to make a move or someone else would.

I see what you're saying about small signals. They had been on a group of friends on holiday and she had sat and talked to him happily. This wasn't a cold approach

Cold approach never, ever works.

I thought men were hard-wired to chase.

Last edited by magz on 10 Jun 2021, 2:10 am, edited 1 time in total.: inappropriate content removed

Turns out it wasn't hardwired, it was mainly cultural.

Fnord is the best!

They were “hard hired” by the media, but it’s all a false illusion.

I am bumping this thread.

I don’t think it's generally a good idea to come on strong with indicating interest towards someone who hasn't indicated any interest towards you. Conversely, I don't think we should always just wait until someone shows us interest before we do anything either.

I think at first, it's better to try to drop subtle hints of interest and decide how to proceed based on what reaction you get. If the average guy doesn't make any effort to communicate interest to anyone, and just waits for a woman to show an interest in him, he'll generally remain single.

I do agree though that if you've communicated your interest to a woman in some way and she doesn't do anything to show interest back, continuing to pursue her is generally not a fruitful endeavour. I think if someone is actually interested, progressing towards dating them is probably going to be pretty seamless more often than not.

I would say anyone who fails to show interest will likely remain single (regardless of gender or sexuality).

The problem for heterosexual females is that if we do show overt (or even subtle!) interest we are immediately labeled as sluts, hussies, or abusive personalities. Even by our own same-gendered friends.

Both men and women have a horrible time trying to relate to others. This problem is even starting to affect NTs, so this is a huge hint there is something wrong with society at large.

I have a tremendous amount of empathy, but defending myself gets exhausting.

Yeah, absolutely, but I meant being the first to show interest. Maybe my perception has just been warped by having no one ever show an interest in dating me, but don't women tend to get approached by interested men? I'm sure it tends to be more so that way than vice versa.


Yeah, that's pretty dumb.

Perhaps this may be true in mainstream society, but surely there are plenty of left-leaning oddball subcultures in which this is not the case?


I think the problem is atomization. It's much easier to have a social life if you are part of some group within which you can have a sense of community. Too many people just don't have that.

^ Only ulra-conservatives men would have such thoughts; I have never known men like that in my circle.

I feel it is an exaggerated claim.