I Want to Confess to My Crush

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Thundragon
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17 Jun 2020, 1:03 am

Hello, I've made a few posts about this before, but I have recently decided that I want to tell my good friend about my feelings for him.

I've been friends with my crush for a little over a year now. We have tons in common - we're both autistic, we have the same interests in gaming and drawing and we both love animals. We even have the same birthday. My crush and I have been voice-chatting on Discord for a few months now, and I find that my feelings for him only deepen every time we talk.

Last week I decided to ask him if he wanted to meet up at his local nature reserve (now that the current lockdown measures will allow stuff like that). I didn't specify that it was a date. He said he was happy to meet with me.

I've tried thinking back to the few times we met at the Asperger's social group we go to, to see if maybe he has shown signs of harbouring any attraction towards me. One time I caught him looking at me and giving me a little wave as I was speaking to someone else, and a couple of times he kept coming over to talk to me instead of spending time with other friends. Another time he put his hand on my shoulder from behind to get my attention, and kept it there until I turned to see him. This was all during the social gatherings with the Asperger's group, and before we started voice-chatting more regularly (we mainly voicr-chat once a week, with an occasional text in between). He compliments me a fair bit as well.

Now, this guy is a very friendly sort, so I'm not entirely sure if he has any feelings for me or if he's just being friendly. Also, seeing that he is autistic as well, I'm not sure if he'd know that I like him in that way, or if he'd pick up on any signals. It's even more difficult to process these emotions since I'm autistic as well.

I want to confess my feelings to him when I meet up with him this weekend - you see, I'm moving to another country around the end of this year, and I don't want to leave regretting not confessing my feelings. I don't want to leave not knowing if I had a chance with him or not.

I was thinking about getting him an early-birthday gift to give him when I meet up with him. Would that be a good way to subtly hint that I like him? I feel like I would struggle telling him in person.



beady
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17 Jun 2020, 2:07 am

Sounds like you have been making a sensible slow progression in your relationship and telling him your feelings is the logical next step.
Are you prepared for all of his possible reactions?
He might be surprised or happy or say he just wants to be friends or he might need to process this information and not really respond at all. To add giving him a gift at this point might be a bit much. Maybe do one of those big steps at a time : tell him how you feel this time. Then, depending on his reaction, give him the gift next time you get together?



kraftiekortie
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17 Jun 2020, 6:46 am

It’s nothing to “confess” to. You didn’t commit a crime.

Tell the guy you want the relationship to go further. He just might think this is really cool.

I’ve never had a woman tell me they had a crush on me. He’s one lucky guy!



Pepe
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17 Jun 2020, 7:11 am

If you are going to another country, I don't see how you can have a normal relationship.
If he is interested in you, can you see a long-distance relationship working out?

Ask him.
What can happen?
You will be leaving whatever the outcome, right?

I'm curious.
Ask for *MY* sake.
And get back to us. :mrgreen:


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Steve1963
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17 Jun 2020, 7:15 am

ask for your sake. you'll regret it forever if you don't. trust me...I know.



kraftiekortie
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17 Jun 2020, 7:17 am

Giving him an “early birthday gift” could very well convey the message well.

Why couldn’t I have met you when I was 18? :)



Pepe
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17 Jun 2020, 7:23 am

Steve1963 wrote:
ask for your sake. you'll regret it forever if you don't. trust me...I know.


I'm not into "regrets" myself.
But there is no reason on earth I can see why the OP shouldn't ask.

I guess the pain of rejection is an issue at her age.
She is only 18, after all.
But life is like that. <shrug>


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Pepe
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17 Jun 2020, 7:24 am

kraftiekortie wrote:
Giving him an “early birthday gift” could very well convey the message well.

Why couldn’t I have met you when I was 18? :)


Have you considered she may not be into Hobbits? :mrgreen:


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Steve1963
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17 Jun 2020, 7:32 am

Pepe wrote:
I'm not into "regrets" myself.

Really? Nothing you wish you had done differently in the past? I find that hard to believe...



Pepe
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17 Jun 2020, 7:43 am

Steve1963 wrote:
Pepe wrote:
I'm not into "regrets" myself.

Really? Nothing you wish you had done differently in the past? I find that hard to believe...


I have given this quite a bit of thought.
No, I am not into "Regrets".

There is no turning back time, in this universe.
And it isn't useful grieving about lost opportunities or poor outcomes.

My attitude is:
You do the best you can, at the time, with what you got.
You can't do better than that.
That doesn't mean you can't learn from your experiences.

Regretting your past is pointless.
Focus on the now and the future. :wink:


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Thundragon
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17 Jun 2020, 10:56 am

Thank you for all the tips! It seems that everyone thinks I should let him know about my feelings. Thing is, I'm terribly anxious and I even found it difficult asking him to meet up. I haven't seen him for about 5 months (thanks, lockdown) and I worry I may have another anxiety attack when I go to see him. Hopefully that doesn't happen, and I actually do muster up the courage to talk to him about my feelings. I'll try and speak to him when I see him at the end of the week.



The_Face_of_Boo
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17 Jun 2020, 11:57 am

Initiate texting with him frequently, this one is a big obvious sign.



Pepe
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18 Jun 2020, 12:52 am

Thundragon wrote:
Thank you for all the tips! It seems that everyone thinks I should let him know about my feelings. Thing is, I'm terribly anxious and I even found it difficult asking him to meet up. I haven't seen him for about 5 months (thanks, lockdown) and I worry I may have another anxiety attack when I go to see him. Hopefully that doesn't happen, and I actually do muster up the courage to talk to him about my feelings. I'll try and speak to him when I see him at the end of the week.



Why do you have to talk with him face to face?
Write him a letter or text him.
Nothing wrong with that, in my book.
That way you have plenty of time to think about what you want to say.

Texting: I am interested in having a relationship with you.
How about it, buddy boy? :thumright:
Texting: I'm breaking up with you: :thumbdown:

Easy peasy. :wink:


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The_Face_of_Boo
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18 Jun 2020, 1:35 am

^^
Texting: I am horny, hug me.

Texting: I am done, goodnight.



Thundragon
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18 Jun 2020, 5:12 pm

Pepe wrote:
Why do you have to talk with him face to face?
Write him a letter or text him.
Nothing wrong with that, in my book.
That way you have plenty of time to think about what you want to say.


I suppose you're right. Maybe I can text him about it after the meetup.



Basil342
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18 Jun 2020, 5:48 pm

This is interesting to me. I'm the type of guy who is oblivious to signs of interest. Been that way my whole life. When I was 16 I was so nervous I wrote my crush a letter folded it up and kept it in my pocket. I was so scared. Honestly, I wrote that letter 100 times. Never had a GF by that point. I finally got up to courage to give it to her. She read it and a few days later she wrote me back. To my surprise, she liked me too. We decided to hang out and even though we were so awkward in the beginning she became my GF. We were together for 7 years believe it or not. It just wasn't meant to work out. However, I learned a lot from those 7 years and never regretted giving her that letter.

Now coming from a guy who really is clueless when a lady is interested in me. I need a girl to be blunt. Make it very clear you're interested. You don't have to come out and say "OMG I love you, marry me!?!?" but you have to make it clear.

My suggestion is to meet up with him. Tell him about how you're leaving for another country. Explain why, and say something like "You know I'm really going to miss you. I really enjoy spending time with you, talking about this and that..." let him know how you feel about him and why you like being with him. He should be able to piece that together. If he hasn't just keep getting more obvious. Let it be genuine. Speak from your heart. Don't start with "I like you and this is why" start with why and finish with "I think I like you."

Hopefully, that helps a little. Good luck.