Does anyone else find cheating super hard to understand?

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Teach51
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02 Aug 2020, 1:44 pm

Lol my ex husband loved the thrill of "sneaking around." Many NT men do it seems, I know quite a few. Some of my male friends say they can separate sex and emotions completely and they don't consider it cheating, they just need sexual variety. This does not mean I approve because I don't.


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kraftiekortie
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02 Aug 2020, 2:03 pm

I can’t separate sex from regard for a woman.

I can’t have sex with someone I dislike.

If I want a “release,” and “no one is available,” I rely on myself.



hurtloam
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02 Aug 2020, 2:46 pm

TracyLou wrote:
Yes, but again what is cheating? My husband has Aspergers and is extremely good looking, he gets quite a bit of attention from the ladies, but I don’t know what actually happens when he visits the same supermarket on his own sometimes and there always seem to be a shop assistant who fancies him. I can pick these things quite well and in he always smiles at her, so why does she think he wants more than being friendly.

I find out over time, that he checks them out and he knows which ones fancies him, then he will go to their checkout. Why does he feel the need for this? He does it behind my back, but in front of our children if they are with him. So yesterday I found out that there is this one lady who he has obviously notice that she fancies him. She ignored me and was all over him. So the second time I am with him. I went to go to her checkout, which I have no problems with her, I thought I would chit chat like you do, but before we got served he walked to another checkout, he couldn’t face her in front of me, but he went to her checkout in the past with our children. But all this time he is looking at her and she blushes and smiles. He has an effect on her and he is enjoying it. As no one is at her cashier she gets up and walks past us and stops and looks at my husband waiting for a response, he looks at her and smiles, she walks away, then comes back again standing there, I ask her if she needed anything she goes red again and walks away and sits back at her cashier, still looking at my husband, it was uncomfortable. My husband is enjoying the whole thing. Why does he encourage them? I find it humiliating. Now I don’t want to go back to that supermarket.

What does all this mean, it has happened several times, with other women, when he goes out alone. I find out later that he seems to latch onto the women who fancy him. Then they think he wants a relationship with him.

When we got home I calmly ask him about, he gets annoyed and says he doesn’t know what I am talking about.

I’m never allowed to talk about other women, ever.


That's horrible. He's being really disrespectful towards you. He knows exactly what he's doing.

That woman had some gall hanging around when she saw you with him. Shocking behaviour from her.

If I were her and found out that attractive man who had been chatting me up had a wife I would be livid. I'd be staring daggers at the creep.

I gets more tricky with friends and colleagues.

My friend's husband developed a bit of a crush on me. She actually thought it was hilarious because she knew I would not touch him, but I had to stop hanging out with them because I wanted to nip the thing in the bud and not give him any encouragement, especially because he's quite good looking. I could have been tempted.

I did flirt with a married guy I worked with years ago and told an ex about it, but that was only because I wanted to let the ex know I had moved on. I would never have flirted in front of his wife, but even at that I feel really bad about it now. It was really inappropriate and wrong of me.

That cashier had absolutely no shame.



The_Face_of_Boo
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02 Aug 2020, 4:03 pm

A female acquaintances once told me “very good-looking men are a headache”. ; so she prefers the less good-looking men. lol



MaxE
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02 Aug 2020, 8:08 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
I can’t have sex with someone I dislike.

Well I've been married 35 years, but before that I could certainly not have had sex with somebody I disliked.

However "liking" someone is a fairly weak criterion. When you think about it, the fact that somebody (female) is willing, in fact even wants, to have intercourse with you (male) is reason enough to like that person. If you think about what intercourse involves, it's actually quite affirming for anybody to want to do it with you.


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auntblabby
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02 Aug 2020, 11:44 pm

that1weirdgrrrl wrote:
auntblabby wrote:
IMHO people should not treat their partners like that, if it is not working sexually then they should just come clean and break it off, but don't sneak around behind your partners back if for no other reason that it is undignified.


This tends to be my sentiment and well. I don't understand exerting all of the effort required to sneak around. It seems much simpler to either fix the unsatisfactory relationship or end it :shrug:

some folk, many folk, are adrenaline junkies. they get off on the thrill.



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03 Aug 2020, 12:35 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Flirting with no intent is stupid, in my opinion.


You calling me "Stupid"? :evil: :mrgreen:


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03 Aug 2020, 12:38 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
A female acquaintances once told me “very good-looking men are a headache”. ; so she prefers the less good-looking men. lol


Hooray for us! :mrgreen:


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03 Aug 2020, 12:49 am

i'll buy that for a dollar.



ReapTheWhirlwind
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03 Aug 2020, 12:51 am

I take intentions and romance pretty seriously, but casual flirting is pretty harmless. I've been lead on many times because I'm way too optimistic, but whenever it's back and forth meaningless flirting, I really don't get any butterflies. It's just playful and it feels fun.


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AmeliaOgden
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03 Aug 2020, 2:48 am

Have you considered of giving your husband freedom? If he stays with you than it means he really loves you and wants to be with you



Pepe
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03 Aug 2020, 2:49 am

ReapTheWhirlwind wrote:
I take intentions and romance pretty seriously, but casual flirting is pretty harmless. I've been lead on many times because I'm way too optimistic, but whenever it's back and forth meaningless flirting, I really don't get any butterflies. It's just playful and it feels fun.


Brother! <hug> :mrgreen:


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kraftiekortie
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03 Aug 2020, 7:02 am

When a woman flirts with me, I tend to take it seriously as a default. Later on, I might understand that it didn’t mean much in a truly amorous sense.

I’ve made mistakes of this nature in the past...and I still do.



hurtloam
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03 Aug 2020, 9:13 am

kraftiekortie wrote:
When a woman flirts with me, I tend to take it seriously as a default. Later on, I might understand that it didn’t mean much in a truly amorous sense.

I’ve made mistakes of this nature in the past...and I still do.



Same. It's rare I get any interest so I'm like oooh, this guy likes me. It's taken me too long to learn it means nothing.



The_Face_of_Boo
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03 Aug 2020, 9:43 am

kraftiekortie wrote:
I can’t separate sex from regard for a woman.

I can’t have sex with someone I dislike.

If I want a “release,” and “no one is available,” I rely on myself.


You love your left hand too much.



rdos
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03 Aug 2020, 2:03 pm

Teach51 wrote:
Lol my ex husband loved the thrill of "sneaking around." Many NT men do it seems, I know quite a few. Some of my male friends say they can separate sex and emotions completely and they don't consider it cheating, they just need sexual variety. This does not mean I approve because I don't.


Sneaking around, in the literal sense of things, is certainly not an NT trait. It's a speciality of NDs and aspies. :-)