Masking can you be doing it and not know it?

Post Reply New Topic

I had no idea others didn't do it. I used to think that's how everybody functions.

There was a Woody Allen movie Zieleg where he played a character that would adapt to whatever group he was with.

I think that everyone does this to some degree. For example when spending a lot of time with people who have a particular accent, it is not uncommon to start to speak with some of the same inflections.

Aspergers as more of an intentional (manual control) way of life may limit the degree to which unconscious adaptation can occur. The person with Aspergers may have to choose between intentional masking (which can be both taxing and seem fraudulent) or remaining un-adapted.

Can relate to the above type of masking , but not always conscious till after the fact as I burn myself out and realize the spoon count is now down sub zero . Hopefully am aware enough by then to get myself away from a situation.

I honestly do it and don't even think about it sometimes. It's sort of a necessary evil sometimes, so as not to draw attention to myself, get myself in some sort of trouble, or be made fun of. As I've gotten older I do it more, because I don't want to go through what I did when I was younger.

I do it mostly at work and if I am around family. It kind of sucks sometimes and it probably explains some of my anxiety issues and why I'm always tired.

For some HFA s is seems to be a necessary evil . i fear ..( a learned response due to upbringing)?

I appear shy otherwise I'd be walking around all day doing the monster mash or something.

When I a not absorbed in my studies anyway.

Humans have sticks up their bums, they don't like it so I have to be serious all day. Yack.

Thank god I live alone...

Plus I have become more socially aware and smarter either since i've aged or I became schizophrenic 3 or more years ago.

My voices have driven me so mad I am going to take the egoist belief system down...they destroyed my faviourite interests making them about ego....

I couldn't give a s**t about ego

I find it is something that can become habitual if you continue using the same masking..
Generally though, personally speaking.. if I go somewhere new or know it's likely going to cause stress and anxiety, I am aware of masking myself.

Found if you can muster a good self image . Have found it easier to mask in various situations,
Often . And add a smile if at all possible .

I masked subconsciously most of my life. I always thought I was fitting in okay, thought I had friends, had no clue that anyone else knew how "different" I was on the inside. My masking only ever worked on me, in hindsight. I was the only one who thought I was fitting in. I can see it all now, way too clearly.

Masking can be good and can be bad. "Don't speak french to a chinaman" I say.

But there is a overlap between intimacy and vulnerability - when I mask too much I get feeling lonely - or like I am that guy in the "Major Tom" song. If you are never honest and vulnerable with people you can never experience true intimacy and can loose your true self - but if you are "too honest" or "too vulnerable" in the wrong amount, or wrong way or with the wrong people you can get very hurt. On the other hand if you are never vulnerable and never allow yourself to EVERY get hurt you can end up very alone. It is a mater of find the right balance of "a part of" and "apart from". And, while I am aware of this I am still working on finding the right balance.

Sometimes I am hypo-sensative and sometimes I am hyper-sensative and this can make finding balance extra hard.

As a 38 year old who is seeking potential diagnosis, I am sure I have been masking my entire life and didn't realize it. Knowing what (very little) I do now about ASD and looking back, I realize that I assumed my stimming was nervous quirks (Shaking my knee up and down a lot, rocking slightly [apparently, I do not realize I do this], waving my hands near my side when I am frustrated or upset). I learned how to be an expert at employing words effectively, but when people ask me about how I became so articulate they don't realize that words made NO sense to me until I learned how to take them apart and put them back together (I enjoy the heck out of etymology because it helps me understand what words mean) and to this day I have to use long, round-about processes to do simple math equations. People trying to teach me how to do it the "regular" way irritates me. But I have become so good at doing these things (Which I assumed everyone had to do, silly me) that I seem...average more or less. I have odd quirks still, "but doesn't everybody?"

So can you be masking and not realize it? If I am indeed on the spectrum...yep. Absolutely. The things I had to learn to do to "be normal" I thought were just normal things. I didn't realize I was covering up my quirks, idiosyncrasies, etc to function, but now that I do, I feel as if it is a relief that my other behaviors I was covering for are ok.