Is anyone else here terrified of other women?

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Whale_Tuune
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06 Aug 2020, 10:28 am

I have a very difficult time socializing with other women. There seems to be high expectations amongst women for how sensitive and socially aware women should be, and I don't measure up to them. Women are openly cold and mocking towards me and take everything I do against me...

I particularly have tendency to give off nonverbal cues that other women take poorly, by accident. I've been accused of "glaring" and scrutinizing. I would love more female friends, because I need advice about navigating life as a young woman, but other women seem interested in tearing me down.

I've heard similar things from other women on here and about Aspie women in general. I know it's not politically correct anymore to say that women are meaner to other women, but that's certainly been my experience.


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Amity
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06 Aug 2020, 11:06 am

Can relate, wouldn't say I'm terrified of them, except sometimes in group situations.

It's been my experience that women are more likely to be psychologically aggressive than men, who tend to be less so :D .

I've given up to be honest, I don't have the social energy to fulfill the expectations of a woman my age.


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Edna3362
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06 Aug 2020, 4:08 pm

Not me though.

Experience tells me it's highly likely the opposite.
In fact, the idea of interacting with males for most part usually feels more foreign to me.

I've been surrounded mostly by females my whole life.
Are very likely tried to cater whatever social pitfalls I had than take advantage of it.

What makes me wary is the person's demeanor than the gender.


Female dynamics here are very different.
The social dynamics here are also different.

But yes, the expectations of females being more socially aware and sensitive are the same.
Sensitive enough to be more socially patient than impulsive and not misread me on first meeting.


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07 Aug 2020, 9:43 am

Nope, not me. Some women can be horrible, but I've ran in to horrible men too. As in, horrible in the whiny, insulting, manipulating way that is usually associated with women. Men are perfectly cabable of that, too. It's very rare of me to be afraid of another woman, and when I am, there's usually a reason for me to believe that the situation will soon escalate to physical violence.



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07 Aug 2020, 2:21 pm

Whale_Tuune wrote:
I have a very difficult time socializing with other women. There seems to be high expectations amongst women for how sensitive and socially aware women should be, and I don't measure up to them. Women are openly cold and mocking towards me and take everything I do against me...

I particularly have tendency to give off nonverbal cues that other women take poorly, by accident. I've been accused of "glaring" and scrutinizing. I would love more female friends, because I need advice about navigating life as a young woman, but other women seem interested in tearing me down.

I've heard similar things from other women on here and about Aspie women in general. I know it's not politically correct anymore to say that women are meaner to other women, but that's certainly been my experience.


No, I’m not terrified of other women. Maybe they’re terrified of me though? I’m not chatty/perky/smiley & others often take it personally. Oh well.



AuroraBorealisGazer
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07 Aug 2020, 11:48 pm

Whale_Tuune wrote:
I have a very difficult time socializing with other women. There seems to be high expectations amongst women for how sensitive and socially aware women should be, and I don't measure up to them. Women are openly cold and mocking towards me and take everything I do against me...

I particularly have tendency to give off nonverbal cues that other women take poorly, by accident. I've been accused of "glaring" and scrutinizing. I would love more female friends, because I need advice about navigating life as a young woman, but other women seem interested in tearing me down.

I've heard similar things from other women on here and about Aspie women in general. I know it's not politically correct anymore to say that women are meaner to other women, but that's certainly been my experience.


I'd say I'm always very wary of other women. They seem to utilize many social cues that don't register with me and their relationships with one another are very complex. I also have a highly rational (possibly perceived as robotic) personality type which may be off-putting to them. I tend to 'mask' myself at a higher degree around other women to get by and not cause upset. I think I've gotten a lot better at blending in through mimicking, but never enough to achieve friendships with them. (I do have a best friend in another state who is female, and have had a few female friends in the past but they were hard to come by).

Like you, I frequently do things that people, particularly females, perceive in negative ways. It's puzzling, frustrating, and puts me on edge because I now expect to be blindsided by someone who's taken offense for reasons unclear to me.

There is a group of female co-workers on my work team that, while (all but one) are nice but, I've never been able to break into. They can be clique-y and pre-covid would often go out to lunch together but wouldn't invite me. Their leader is very two-faced and I suspect doesn't like me. 99% of the time I am indifferent to it, but occasionally I wish I wasn't an outsider.

I wish I could offer some words of wisdom. Best idea I have is, if possible, try to find groups that are more prone to being odd-balls. Some women scientist for example, are easier to interact with (at least in my experience).



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08 Aug 2020, 12:08 pm

I wouldn't say I'm afraid of other women in the same way you are, but I do sometimes find other women my age or younger can be like a threat to me if they are louder than me. Also I get more sensitive if a woman picks on me than if a man picks on me. Well, in my personal experience I have had more women pick on me than men. In this context it seems like women are more like dogs and men are more like cats; an unfriendly dog is more likely to bite you while an unfriendly cat will walk away. So to me a bitchy or nasty woman is more likely to emotionally bully me while a nasty or bitchy man is more likely to just distance themselves socially from me, which I find less of a threat.


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Lost_dragon
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08 Aug 2020, 8:25 pm

Personally, no. I have a fairly balanced mixture of female and male friends. Sometimes this shifts to being more female or male sided. Other women usually aren't mean to me. As a child and a teenager, the girls I knew were indeed cruel emotionally to me and the boys would hurt me physically. This changed when I reached late adolescence / adulthood.

It should probably be noted that most of the women I am friends with aren't straight and I'm not straight either. We're not usually competing with each other and I am never accused of doing so. Instead, there's usually a lot of playful flirting that goes on in the group.

People tend to assume that I'm a responsible person and tend to turn to me for advice or to confide in.

When it comes to my friendships with straight women, the friendship typically takes longer to develop. I can think of a few exceptions to this. Most exceptions were through shared interests such as comedy, film and coding where we both talked excitedly about our ideas to each other then quickly became friends.

Occasionally I've been treated like a trophy / achievement before which I definitely dislike. From parents who demand to know why I'm not dating their son.

Regarding the unfriendly dog VS cat analogy, I tend to find that mean women either confront or distance themselves from me (sometimes both). There usually isn't much bite in their words and I typically stand my ground. Whereas, when men are mean to me they tend to be much more persistent about it. Especially if it's due to a rejection. Not all, some take it well...others definitely don't.


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blooiejagwa
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08 Aug 2020, 10:57 pm

I used to post that here very often...

but then realized I felt exactly the same about men too, found them both scary.

Women are just more frightening-

because u know over time from experience how they are towards you. like they can sense u are 'off' and even though it's a perfectly honest type of 'off' there are the types who see that as a reason to .. various nasty things.
Also when someone who looks perfectly nice/kind/etc -which is what I think of EVERY woman-- actually ends up being horrible- it feels very disappointing.

but with men they have it all over them, somehow, what type of person they are or at least,
how they feel. So no need to be disappointed or surprised because it's quite evident.

With men I feel like I am understood better But then I ponder and realize that I've experienced the same with women.

What it comes down to is I THINK i understand men better so things will be easier. (but it's just an illusion as i keep gtting surprised)

I think because I feel more disheartened and betrayed and depressed when a woman does something mean or lies/slanders/etc
VS a man because it feels like...betrayal?

But now I'm not as scared and I think it's because I've dealt with enough people and horrible things that I feel a bit of courage. From 80 percent horrified of humans, to only 40 percent.


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rottingpetal
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10 Aug 2020, 10:02 pm

Yes. I was bullied by all my female cousins when I was young for being, "weird" or a tomboy. They ridiculed everything I did and would call me a boy if I said something, "too smart." Not just them but I was bullied pretty badly by my female peers from elementary through high school. They would call me homophobic slurs because I was a tomboy. Most of why I was bullied (by both boys and girls) was because of my physical disability, it intimidated my peers, being socially awkward didn't help either...

I had a best friend in middle school who shared a psychical disability like me (not the same issue, but she's in a wheelchair too). She was much more liked, probably because she's NT unlike myself. She was the complete opposite of me and unfortunately she got a boyfriend near the end of middle school and publicly humiliated me in front of our whole class. It hurt so much I couldn't stand the thought of having friends again. I felt used.

As an adult now, it's harder for me to approach anyone. If someone decides to keep in touch with me, I'll try my best. Most of my male friendships are still there, even from high school. I tend to somewhat get along with really nerdy girls like myself, but I get really self conscious because I can never really relate to them (interest or hobby wise). I've had a handful of my female companionship's end because I didn't feel like keeping up with them for long. All the women who I shared a bond with are completely different people now.

I figure women evolve much more quicker than men especially with the introduction of children. From what I've seen, even when there's a child introduced, it can still take a guy a lot longer to mentally mature and adapt. In other words, I think I have better success with maintaining male friendships because they're still very childish like me. Women are much more open minded and can adapt to a life situation quickly. Other than being in a serious relationship, my life hasn't changed much due to being aspie.



carmen.linnet
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22 Aug 2020, 4:02 am

Big time.



blooiejagwa
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22 Aug 2020, 7:54 am

Edna3362 wrote:
Not me though.

Experience tells me it's highly likely the opposite.
In fact, the idea of interacting with males for most part usually feels more foreign to me.

I've been surrounded mostly by females my whole life.
Are very likely tried to cater whatever social pitfalls I had than take advantage of it.

What makes me wary is the person's demeanor than the gender.


Female dynamics here are very different.
The social dynamics here are also different.

But yes, the expectations of females being more socially aware and sensitive are the same.
Sensitive enough to be more socially patient than impulsive and not misread me on first meeting.


Ah! Well put
Feel it's the same in women of my culture and other similar cultures. Western women are scary tho..to me.. Have had too many bad experiences with them only ....unnecessary mslander bullying etc since young...seen them do it to others too.. Even remember one woman who routinelyy screamed at and bullied my mom when we were kids and living here at one time...or elder women allowing it of preteen girls and in one case actively encouraged it. Never had such experiences in rural areas herethough... Feel rural area is more conducive to 'sisterhood' feeling..
in the rural area here i lived or in england (stayed in a village there fr a while)
Have had zero bad experiences with women of other cultures n countries. Apart from XHs mom who was just...unique ...horror.


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blooiejagwa
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22 Aug 2020, 8:08 am

Wait i take that back my mom n i witnessed a terrible instance in KSA totally unwarranted.. Race based violence .. Many like 6 Arab women ran up beating with long sticks Pakistani village women who were sitting there quietly next to us with everyone else waiting fr instructions on where to go...shouting, bakistan bakistan haram haram..

They even were shouting n doing this to old woman among them etc
My mom among dozens n dozens there was the only one who spoke up instantly trying to stop them n showed anger n successfully put a stop to it though she cd have been hurt too n spoke up fr them . this was outside the Prophets mosque in Madinah of all places...and those women had their faces covered so I guess that emboldened them further

Admire her loads for that.. N angry still to think not one other woman from all those eomen.. including Arab ones.. who cd have spoken the language better than my mom's broken Arabic... did a thing or tried to comfort after even...
Will never forget that. Told others n told my mom again that I will never forget that as long as I live.


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Whale_Tuune
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23 Aug 2020, 9:09 am

Ugh, that's horrible, also doing it outside a house of worship.

Idk if it's just women in the West who are catty then... Also, that's interesting. Most of the women I've encountered have been quite willing to judge. Granted, I've given off negative cues unintentionally, but even so, women are more openly cruel to me.

It may just be confirmation bias though, idk.


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blooiejagwa
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23 Aug 2020, 9:26 am

No ..think one's insecurities increase and clash more if the culture is assimilated and it offends or stands out too much..
Or maybe misread cues
Whaale tune.. Those ladies were meant to be guarding the place... :evil: they tried to claim the ladies were ignoring orders tp stay seated and going to a closed off site, but they werent.. In fact they were in middle of rows so how could they. That's why i hate ppl who idolize Saudi when really they get away with anything inc human rights crimes


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blooiejagwa
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23 Aug 2020, 9:32 am

Whale_Tuune wrote:
Most of the women I've encountered have been quite women are more openly cruel to me.

It may just be confirmation bias though, idk.


Maybe they are jealous of u fr having ur own mind.. and not sacrificing it fr herd mindset/unspoken and arbitrary rules .


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