Is anyone else here terrified of other women?

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madbutnotmad
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02 Mar 2021, 6:29 pm

my advice is for you to try and find a few genuine good nature'ed kind heart'ed friends
and try your best to maintain a good relationship with them

i am afraid we live in a complex competitive world
one that i personally feel has lost its way with regards to spiritual direction

the values in life are based around competition
with the ultimate goal of getting us all to be good old consumers

peace and love is bad for business
spirituality sharing accepting your lot in life
all bad for business, people when they are content with their lot
don't need the products they have to sell us

you can however choose not to take any notice of the rat race
and learn to be happy regardless as to what a holes all the people are around you are being

up to you
just try not to let the nasty folk get to you

know that you aren't doing anything wrong
so you don't deserve to be mistreated

and always remember
that a persons words often are a reflection of their own heart
rather than an accurate description of what they are venting their hate towards

well at least most the time
ocasionally someone pops their head out of a hole and
blows everyone away by saying something really cool

but those moments are few and far between in my experience
so just do your best
be yourself
share your love
try your best to be happy or at the very least content

all the best



ValerieStrawberries
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09 Mar 2021, 5:02 pm

Yes I don't get along with women. However when I worked with preschool they were a few really cool girls I met there. I was bullied by the other workers but a handful of women were nice to me. Even though those few were kind to me, I still suspect them for ulterior motives.



Aero_T
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10 Mar 2021, 8:05 am

I find many other women very kind and understanding. I really like being in women only groups. I am not very good at maintaining friendships though as I seek interaction much less frequently than NT women seem to like.

There are small minded people of both sexes who do not seem to handle differences in other people very well but I find women in general much more ready to be kind thean men. Maybe this is an age thing though, 'teenage brain' definately has a tendency to be more hostile to differences.



sorrowfairiewhisper
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01 Apr 2021, 10:28 pm

I find them to either be in a clique or two faced and bitchy (not all just some)

Also as a biological born feminine women, i also find that alot of women today, try to act like men, being more masculine or alpha or try to "man up"

To me that's intimidating personally.

Only good thing i can say about recent years, is that women are encouraged to not be so self conscious, judge themselves or compare themselves to other women and to not get insecure or jealous when a man doesn't pay attention to you.



DesertWoman
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20 Apr 2021, 12:25 am

It's tough. I've had some good friendships with women, some less so. Remember, if someone isn't nice to you, that's their insecurity and their problem. Don't tear yourself down or internalize any bullying.

I think it's harder for women on the spectrum because we know we're different and that's hard. On top of that we have to deal with other pressures in life, too.

I always had to work harder to make friends. I was bullied a lot throughout my childhood, but there were a few summers and school years that were easier for me. Animals are good companions. Hobbies help.

There are nice, accepting people out there, you just have to find them. I hope the world becomes more attuned to autism and it's not such a "mystery" to everyone. The right people will accept you.



MossyRocks
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22 Apr 2021, 12:06 am

Dreamsea wrote:
Yes. NT women tend to treat me like I’m stupid. In the past I have been ganged up on and lectured by them after saying or doing the wrong thing.

I deal with them by always trying my best to be super polite and quickly apologizing when they get upset with me. NT women are like wasps. You must be careful around them or they will gang up on you and attack. I avoid groups of people when I can.


The few female friends I had treated me like a stupid pet. When I interact with women I always brace myself for condescension or the prodding that they think will make me 'open up'. How do you even avoid being singled out, when simply not being interested in speaking to others is taken by some women as 'she hates me/thinks I'm below her'?



AspieNinja
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02 May 2021, 12:41 pm

After doing a lot of emotional intelligence work, up until ~40yo, I wanting nothing to do with women. They have hurt me emotionally as no man, platonic or in a relationship, ever has- mostly with emotional betrayal and purposely ostracizing me (preteen on). Post-college, I was friends with women by way of being friends with their partner.

NT women eat their own already, and those with fragile self-esteems try to alleviate those feelings by targeting anyone they perceive as an outsider/different and treating them horridly.

Here's a reason I realized women had problems with me but couldn't figure out: jealousy. I conceptually get jealousy, but don't experience it, really. (I don't get revenge either.)

Whale_Tuune- you are very pretty. [Seriously. You have excellent bone structure (Aspie interest) and good hair.] Women are jealous of women prettier than them, *especially ones that they notice get attention from men*. I'm not vain and am not jealous, so I couldn't even perceive that jealousy was the cause of their nastiness. It has nothing to do with you personally (they're this way with any 'threat'). iow- it's not you; it's them.

This is important: do not change yourself in attempt to appease their fragile ego, thinking they will be better to you. Kissing their ass will only make them worse. Instead, "Gray rock" them (basically be so boring and unresponsive they don't get their fix from you and move on) and distance yourself.



blackicmenace
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02 May 2021, 3:52 pm

AspieNinja wrote:
After doing a lot of emotional intelligence work, up until ~40yo, I wanting nothing to do with women. They have hurt me emotionally as no man, platonic or in a relationship, ever has- mostly with emotional betrayal and purposely ostracizing me (preteen on). Post-college, I was friends with women by way of being friends with their partner.

NT women eat their own already, and those with fragile self-esteems try to alleviate those feelings by targeting anyone they perceive as an outsider/different and treating them horridly.

Here's a reason I realized women had problems with me but couldn't figure out: jealousy. I conceptually get jealousy, but don't experience it, really. (I don't get revenge either.)

Whale_Tuune- you are very pretty. [Seriously. You have excellent bone structure (Aspie interest) and good hair.] Women are jealous of women prettier than them, *especially ones that they notice get attention from men*. I'm not vain and am not jealous, so I couldn't even perceive that jealousy was the cause of their nastiness. It has nothing to do with you personally (they're this way with any 'threat'). iow- it's not you; it's them.

This is important: do not change yourself in attempt to appease their fragile ego, thinking they will be better to you. Kissing their ass will only make them worse. Instead, "Gray rock" them (basically be so boring and unresponsive they don't get their fix from you and move on) and distance yourself.


Thank you for pointing this out to Whale Tuune. Welcome to Wrong planet by the way, may your stay be enjoyable and fulfilling.


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Joe90
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03 May 2021, 3:46 pm

I seem to feel more comfortable around guys. I'm not saying I don't get along with other women, but I think I'm more sensitive if a woman judges me or doesnt like me than what I am if a guy judges or doesn't like me. Maybe I see other women my age as a threat. At work I'm one of two females, and the other female is near retirement age and I don't see her as a threat. But when she retires I'm hoping they will get another guy in her place because I kind of want to be the only female there. The only thing about guys is they're not so good at knowing what to do when you're crying like women are. They stand there awkwardly or even edge away, while women make a fuss over you and cuddle you.


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Lunella
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04 May 2021, 12:25 pm

I don't tend to get on with many NT women no. I wouldn't say I'm terrified I'd say I just don't really enjoy their company and don't find them that nice. I have met some lovely NT women of course but to be friends with they're not really people who I'd hang out with.

When it comes to other autistic women I've always gotten on amazingly with them, they are usually really fun interesting girls to be around who just get you and don't do the judgy behaviour. They don't get mad at you either if you haven't spoken for a few months, the friendship just picks up where it left off.

I don't really think I've ever had a bad experience with an autistic girl to be honest, not that I can remember anyway. NT girls are another story though, they are very jealous and condescending. I've tried many, many times to gently mesh with them in WhatsApp groups and they just behave like savages to be honest.

I think a lot of autistic girls don't get on with girls in general because they're expecting that NT behaviour but nah, find a nice autistic girl they're usually pretty chill and kind of similar to guys in my experience.


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DianeQ
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14 May 2021, 7:03 pm

Oh I am so sorry you are learning this, like a LOT of Aspie women, you are realizing that women are hard to get along with. Mostly bc women are b*****s. Sorry, they kinda are!
I always enjoyed hanging w the guys more, which works until of course one realizes how dangerous they can be! As I got older alcohol became my social lubricant & I "masked" really well, & had a few friends when younger & several "acquaintances" now that I'm older.
I've gotten used to feeling like the odd gal out in my head but now that I'm just diagnosed I fantasize about some post-covid convention here in Vegas where I walk into the room and all these nice gals of all ages want to be friends!
Sounds goofy I know, too bad! LOL!
We're here for you, post your questions- I'll be your Aspie Grammy Diane! :)



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