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KT67
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13 Oct 2020, 10:22 am

Not every AFAB person out there wants a cis boyfriend...

Yes, I'm technically bi. But in the real world, there aren't guys out there who I fancy or like to look at in the street.

I'm tired of being on here and it being assumed I'm a cis het woman. I don't want to look pretty, I don't want a boyfriend who looks buff. I want a pretty girlfriend, I want to look handsome. Although I'd settle for 'just average' re my own looks.

And it's not a political statement either. Not unless chasing girls when you're 11 and in a school that teaches section 28 propaganda counts as political statement rather than something natural. I've always thought guys and girls are hot but girls are mostly hot (even irl where they don't look like Taylor Swift) whereas a few famous guys are hot too.

I've had boyfriends cos I've felt afraid to say no to cis men who were taller than me and cos I've felt societal pressure to be 'normal'. I wasn't attracted to them. But 5 years ago, I decided to live for myself. This includes only getting into relationships where it's not out of fear or societal pressure but mutual pleasure on both sides between me and a partner.

That means I'm staying single. Unless the right woman comes along.


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Bradleigh
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13 Oct 2020, 4:38 pm

I hope that you can live your best life and pursue the types of partners that you are interested in. I can't empathise with being approached to date, but staying single sure is, I am trying to get past my own hang ups, but I think that it can be important to be more assertive. It is important to put yourself out there to the kinds of people that you are interested in.

I put myself up as bi on a dating app, and used it a bit sparingly, I get really anxious at the idea of swiping as to show I am interested, whether that might bother someone. And with guys especially I do understand that I have some internalised homophobia still, where I am trying to figure out what I like after being so long closeted. But I do suspect that being more sure about what you are interested in can regardless boost confidence in the area.


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FleaOfTheChill
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13 Oct 2020, 7:38 pm

I love your post. :heart:

Don't get me wrong, I understand the frustration and I don't love that. I'm non binary, but I don't go out of my way to look androgynous or anything. My gender identity isn't wrapped up in gender stereotypes is all. I digress a bit. Point is, im afab, and I get annoyed when people assume I'm some cis het girl because I'm not. Yeah, I've been with some men over the years, doesn't mean I've haven't been with some women either. Unfortunately a lot of people just assume everyone is straight. It's weird.

Congrats on living life for you, on your terms, your wants.



green0star
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08 Nov 2020, 11:52 am

being assumed "cishet" is especially a way of life when you come from a religious family and background. Though it is tiresome and feels like a huge compromise like putting on a mask <,<



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08 Nov 2020, 1:25 pm

If you don't want a boyfriend, then don't have a boyfriend. Simple!

(I do not intend to be rude. Just say "No" if a man asks you. (It is a whole lot harder to get a boyfriend then it is to say no to a potential boyfriend)).


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Insertcoolname
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11 Nov 2020, 2:55 am

If anybody tries, just tell them your not emotionally or mentally ready for that. Or straight up tell them how special you are and ur gonna need a genuine relationship and not a fling or casual dating

Eventually, ppl learn how you expect to be treated. And then the right ppl will find u. Stand you ground and dont put up with no BS. Lol
U deserve happiness
And not all men are bad


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cyberdad
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11 Nov 2020, 2:58 am

Bisexuality is curious for me? most bisexual women say they are bisexual but end up only dating women?



Bradleigh
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11 Nov 2020, 3:26 am

cyberdad wrote:
Bisexuality is curious for me? most bisexual women say they are bisexual but end up only dating women?


People can be bisexual and still have a preference for one gender or the other. People are not any less bisexual because they have only dated one gender.


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FleaOfTheChill
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11 Nov 2020, 8:25 am

cyberdad wrote:
Bisexuality is curious for me? most bisexual women say they are bisexual but end up only dating women?


I've actually found the opposite to be true with the bi women Ive known. It wasn't a preference though, more like they were approached by more men than women, so it just worked out that way. That and some idea that bi people weren't to be taken seriously in relationships. I'm older though, and for a long time there seemed to be an idea In the lgbtq community that bi women (and bi men for that matter) were something like secretly straight and only bi for attention, not good for long term relationships, promiscuous... it sucked. I hope it's not still like that. I'm out of the loop. :lol:



cyberdad
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12 Nov 2020, 2:27 am

I understand the preference thing, and I also understand than invariably more men will approach a bisexual woman than women.

I also find bisexual women are often incredibly attractive to men (a few that come to mind are the singer Halsey, Drew Barrymore, Bella Thorne, Amber heard, Angelina Jolie and Megan Fox).



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12 Nov 2020, 3:59 am

Does anyone know the percentage of Bi people in the adult population?


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Bradleigh
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12 Nov 2020, 4:45 am

Pepe wrote:
Does anyone know the percentage of Bi people in the adult population?


I have suspicions that it is larger than what is even known, in that many people would be in denial to being bi.


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Insertcoolname
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22 Nov 2020, 7:41 pm

I know a few men who identify as heterosexual but are in an emotional relationship with a man....

Its just what needs u get from who...and everyones different ...

Lol just my opinion.


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KT67
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09 Dec 2020, 10:31 am

cyberdad wrote:
Bisexuality is curious for me? most bisexual women say they are bisexual but end up only dating women?


That's strange, in my experience it's the other way round just cos of ease.

Bi people can fancy any gender/either sex.


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KT67
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09 Dec 2020, 10:37 am

Insertcoolname wrote:
If anybody tries, just tell them your not emotionally or mentally ready for that. Or straight up tell them how special you are and ur gonna need a genuine relationship and not a fling or casual dating

Eventually, ppl learn how you expect to be treated. And then the right ppl will find u. Stand you ground and dont put up with no BS. Lol
U deserve happiness
And not all men are bad


Yep, I agree with the last bit. It's almost like not a 'all men are bad' thing but a 'not all cis guys are ugly' thing which makes me bi - there's hot guys out there but when I say 'out there' I mean 'not in my life but celebrities'.

I'm not saying all cis guys in my life are ugly but they're not physically attractive to me. They just blend.

And when I was younger I felt pushed into being a certain kind of person which, I'm done with doing that now, I just want to be myself even if it's harder. I'm done with dating people I'm not attracted to or taking on certain roles in the relationship.


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Blacker
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18 Jan 2021, 12:36 am

KT67 wrote:
Not every AFAB person out there wants a cis boyfriend...

Yes, I'm technically bi. But in the real world, there aren't guys out there who I fancy or like to look at in the street.

I'm tired of being on here and it being assumed I'm a cis het woman. I don't want to look pretty, I don't want a boyfriend who looks buff. I want a pretty girlfriend, I want to look handsome. Although I'd settle for 'just average' re my own looks.

And it's not a political statement either. Not unless chasing girls when you're 11 and in a school that teaches section 28 propaganda counts as political statement rather than something natural. I've always thought guys and girls are hot but girls are mostly hot (even irl where they don't look like Taylor Swift) whereas a few famous guys are hot too.

I've had boyfriends cos I've felt afraid to say no to cis men who were taller than me and cos I've felt societal pressure to be 'normal'. I wasn't attracted to them. But 5 years ago, I decided to live for myself. This includes only getting into relationships where it's not out of fear or societal pressure but mutual pleasure on both sides between me and a partner.

That means I'm staying single. Unless the right woman comes along.



Well, I think you need support.

Here:

I don't WANT KT67 to WANT a boyfriend. She doesn't want one. Deal with it.

I hope you like my support :]


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