Reasons why some people should consider dating an AS

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madbutnotmad
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17 Oct 2020, 11:53 am

I believe there is a great deal of info on this site that illustrates our failures in relationships and sure,
this is understandable when considering the major deficits that the condition often causes for people who have the condition.

However, i was wondering if there was a flip side.
I would say that there may also be reasons why some people may actually prefer a partner with ASD.

Qualities such as:

Loyal
Honest
Faithful
Child like
Innovative
Able to think out of the box
Individual
Can be independent
In some cases able to develop considerable talent
Childish humour (can be fun if on same wave length)
Logical
Kind (rather than lacking in empathy, compassion once they are aware of what the situation is)
Can be creative

Any comments..



AuroraBorealisGazer
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17 Oct 2020, 12:01 pm

Yes I think we on the spectrum have a great deal of positive things that would make us great partners.

While the traits may not all be universal, we each have our own wonderful attributes that the right person would love.

It's good to bring these things up to counteract all of the negative things that are said about us.



Fnord
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17 Oct 2020, 12:15 pm

madbutnotmad wrote:
... I would say that there may also be reasons why some people may actually prefer a partner with ASD.

Qualities such as:

Loyal
Honest
Faithful
Child like
Innovative
Able to think out of the box
Individual
Can be independent
In some cases able to develop considerable talent
Childish humour (can be fun if on same wave length)
Logical
Kind (rather than lacking in empathy, compassion once they are aware of what the situation is)
Can be creative

Any comments...
Your post reminds me of someone who came through my office looking to be hired.  I asked him what his good qualities were.  He replied, "Under the right circumstances, I am trustworthy, loyal, helpful, friendly, courteous, kind, obedient, cheerful, thrifty, brave, clean, and reverent."

Then I asked him what his bad qualities might be.  He replied, "Under the wrong circumstances, I am neither trustworthy, loyal, helpful, friendly, courteous, kind, obedient, cheerful, thrifty, brave, clean, nor reverent."

(He got the job due to his skills and sense of humor.)

People's behavior changes depending on the circumstances.  Under the right circumstances, an aspie may be all of those things you mentioned; but under the wrong circumstances, the same aspie might behave differently.  The corollary of, "When you have met one aspie, you have NOT met them all" is "The way an aspie behaves on first meeting does not guarantee the same behavior on the next meeting."


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Pepe
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17 Oct 2020, 4:18 pm

madbutnotmad wrote:
I believe there is a great deal of info on this site that illustrates our failures in relationships and sure,
this is understandable when considering the major deficits that the condition often causes for people who have the condition.

However, i was wondering if there was a flip side.
I would say that there may also be reasons why some people may actually prefer a partner with ASD.

Qualities such as:

Loyal
Honest
Faithful
Child like
Innovative
Able to think out of the box
Individual
Can be independent
In some cases able to develop considerable talent
Childish humour (can be fun if on same wave length)
Logical
Kind (rather than lacking in empathy, compassion once they are aware of what the situation is)
Can be creative

Any comments..


My comment is: "Yup". 8)


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Laughter is the best medicine. Age-appropriate behaviour is an arbitrary NT social construct.
Don't tell me white lies. Gaslight me at your peril. Don't give me your bad attitude. Hypnosis, psychosis. Tomarto, tomayto. "Go after people and not institutions; people hurt faster than institutions." I didn't say that. Honey badger.
If I'm so bad, pass me by. ;)


And one more thing,


"A stranger is a friend gang-stalker you haven't met yet." Humour is not meant to be taken seriously, yet many on the left pervert its intent.
Truth may be inconvenient but it is never politically incorrect...The Oracle of Truth has spoken...8)


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Pepe
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17 Oct 2020, 4:25 pm

Fnord wrote:
madbutnotmad wrote:
... I would say that there may also be reasons why some people may actually prefer a partner with ASD.

Qualities such as:

Loyal
Honest
Faithful
Child like
Innovative
Able to think out of the box
Individual
Can be independent
In some cases able to develop considerable talent
Childish humour (can be fun if on same wave length)
Logical
Kind (rather than lacking in empathy, compassion once they are aware of what the situation is)
Can be creative

Any comments...
Your post reminds me of someone who came through my office looking to be hired.  I asked him what his good qualities were.  He replied, "Under the right circumstances, I am trustworthy, loyal, helpful, friendly, courteous, kind, obedient, cheerful, thrifty, brave, clean, and reverent."

Then I asked him what his bad qualities might be.  He replied, "Under the wrong circumstances, I am neither trustworthy, loyal, helpful, friendly, courteous, kind, obedient, cheerful, thrifty, brave, clean, nor reverent."

(He got the job due to his skills and sense of humor.)

People's behavior changes depending on the circumstances.  Under the right circumstances, an aspie may be all of those things you mentioned; but under the wrong circumstances, the same aspie might behave differently.  The corollary of, "When you have met one aspie, you have NOT met them all" is "The way an aspie behaves on first meeting does not guarantee the same behavior on the next meeting."


I think personal integrity comes into it.
Just because a situation turns "sour" doesn't mean a person has to lose their personal value system.

We are not flotsam, bobbing aimlessly on the sea of life's circumstances.
Well, I'm not,
most of the time. :mrgreen:


_________________
Laughter is the best medicine. Age-appropriate behaviour is an arbitrary NT social construct.
Don't tell me white lies. Gaslight me at your peril. Don't give me your bad attitude. Hypnosis, psychosis. Tomarto, tomayto. "Go after people and not institutions; people hurt faster than institutions." I didn't say that. Honey badger.
If I'm so bad, pass me by. ;)


And one more thing,


"A stranger is a friend gang-stalker you haven't met yet." Humour is not meant to be taken seriously, yet many on the left pervert its intent.
Truth may be inconvenient but it is never politically incorrect...The Oracle of Truth has spoken...8)


THERE WILL BE NO COUP IN AMERICA!


KT67
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17 Oct 2020, 5:20 pm

Ok maybe this is cos it's a trigger for me cos of my past but why do people think 'childlike' = more suitable for dating?

Unless it's 2 childlike people together.

2 childlike adults who are capable of dating would be better dating each other rather than dating someone who isn't childlike cos then nobody would hurt the other one out of power imbalance. Just like teens ought to be dating other teens not adults.

But people who aren't emotionally young for their age shouldn't be seeking out people who are.


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The_Face_of_Boo
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17 Oct 2020, 6:17 pm

The only thing ASD people have in common is the ASD, and even that varies in severity.


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Clueless2017
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17 Oct 2020, 9:47 pm

Yes!! !...Thank you for shifting the focus to all of the POSITIVE an Aspie has to offer to a relationship...My most handsome (Aspie) husband posses all the above-mentioned qualities and more :wink: ...All of which made him so attractive to me...Please allow me to share a few of his many strengths...From hereon, i will call him as i always do: MI AMOR...I met him when we were both volunteering our time to assist the Haitian refugees in our community...He was working full-time at that time, carrying 50 lbs sacks of salt at a local water plant...Yet, he still found the time to volunteer his time for no monetary gain...He was teaching Haitian Kreyol and i was one of his students...Most Aspies excell at something at a level of excellence...MI AMOR has Linguistic Intelligence...He is fluent in three of the latin languages...This characteristic, in and of itself, makes him very attractive not just to me but to other women...At the time that he approached me romantically, i had just gone through a disappointment and was very hesitant...However, MI AMOR persevered and convinced me with his LOGIC...I fell in love with his brain... :D ...Furthermore, he is a professional cook with one decade of experience...Although he no longer works as a cook, he enjoys cooking for both of us...MI AMOR, been Aspie, does not cares about the social norms imposed by my Mexican culture which generally keeps men outside the kitchen...I ABSOLUTELY LOVE THAT HE IS NOT CAPABLE OF LYING!! !...But he is too smart to self-incriminate, so he simply remains silent...He is extraordinarily CONSIDERATE towards me due to my frequent health ailments...And to my parents who are elderly...He is very good to my nieces and nephews, which means a lot to me...I cater to him, because it makes me feel important in his life and gives me great joy, but not because he is demanding...Never!! !...He is as hard-working as my father...(Before him, i never knew someone as hard-working as my father)...When i met him he was making the minimum wage (I made more money than he)...However, he was very generous with me and still is--whatever i want...Thankfully my wants cost no more than 5 dollars generally... :D ...And the list goes on and on about his many qualities...As i always say, I AM VERY BLESSED TO HAVE HIM...Good night everyone... :heart: :heart: :heart:



Clueless2017
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17 Oct 2020, 9:57 pm

Clueless2017 wrote:
Yes!! !...Thank you for shifting the focus to all of the POSITIVE an Aspie has to offer to a relationship...My most handsome (Aspie) husband posses all the above-mentioned qualities and more :wink: ...All of which made him so attractive to me...Please allow me to share a few of his many strengths...From hereon, i will call him as i always do: MI AMOR...I met him when we were both volunteering our time to assist the Haitian refugees in our community...He was working full-time at that time, carrying 50 lbs sacks of salt at a local water plant...Yet, he still found the time to volunteer his time for no monetary gain...He was teaching Haitian Kreyol and i was one of his students...Most Aspies excell at something at a level of excellence...MI AMOR has Linguistic Intelligence...He is fluent in three of the latin languages...This characteristic, in and of itself, makes him very attractive not just to me but to other women...At the time that he approached me romantically, i had just gone through a disappointment and was very hesitant...However, MI AMOR persevered and convinced me with his LOGIC...I fell in love with his brain... :D ...Furthermore, he is a professional cook with one decade of experience...Although he no longer works as a cook, he enjoys cooking for both of us...MI AMOR, been Aspie, does not cares about the social norms imposed by my Mexican culture which generally keeps men outside the kitchen...I ABSOLUTELY LOVE THAT HE IS NOT CAPABLE OF LYING!! !...But he is too smart to self-incriminate, so he simply remains silent...He is extraordinarily CONSIDERATE towards me due to my frequent health ailments...And to my parents who are elderly...He is very good to my nieces and nephews, which means a lot to me...I cater to him, because it makes me feel important in his life and gives me great joy, but not because he is demanding...Never!! !...He is as hard-working as my father...(Before him, i never knew someone as hard-working as my father)...When i met him he was making the minimum wage (I made more money than he)...However, he was very generous with me and still is--whatever i want...Thankfully my wants cost no more than 5 dollars generally... :D ...And the list goes on and on about his many qualities...As i always say, I AM VERY BLESSED TO HAVE HIM...Good night everyone... :heart: :heart: :heart:

... ... ...
How could i have forgotten his most outstanding attribute ...He is what i call a silent hero...I mean, he enjoys helping others without the spotlight...His GENUINE KIND HEART is what i admire the most in him...Thank you God... :heart: :heart: :heart:



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17 Oct 2020, 10:04 pm

Clueless2017 wrote:
Yes!! !...Thank you for shifting the focus to all of the POSITIVE an Aspie has to offer to a relationship...My most handsome (Aspie) husband posses all the above-mentioned qualities and more :wink: ...All of which made him so attractive to me...Please allow me to share a few of his many strengths...From hereon, i will call him as i always do: MI AMOR...I met him when we were both volunteering our time to assist the Haitian refugees in our community...He was working full-time at that time, carrying 50 lbs sacks of salt at a local water plant...Yet, he still found the time to volunteer his time for no monetary gain...He was teaching Haitian Kreyol and i was one of his students...Most Aspies excell at something at a level of excellence...MI AMOR has Linguistic Intelligence...He is fluent in three of the latin languages...This characteristic, in and of itself, makes him very attractive not just to me but to other women...At the time that he approached me romantically, i had just gone through a disappointment and was very hesitant...However, MI AMOR persevered and convinced me with his LOGIC...I fell in love with his brain... :D ...Furthermore, he is a professional cook with one decade of experience...Although he no longer works as a cook, he enjoys cooking for both of us...MI AMOR, been Aspie, does not cares about the social norms imposed by my Mexican culture which generally keeps men outside the kitchen...I ABSOLUTELY LOVE THAT HE IS NOT CAPABLE OF LYING!! !...But he is too smart to self-incriminate, so he simply remains silent...He is extraordinarily CONSIDERATE towards me due to my frequent health ailments...And to my parents who are elderly...He is very good to my nieces and nephews, which means a lot to me...I cater to him, because it makes me feel important in his life and gives me great joy, but not because he is demanding...Never!! !...He is as hard-working as my father...(Before him, i never knew someone as hard-working as my father)...When i met him he was making the minimum wage (I made more money than he)...However, he was very generous with me and still is--whatever i want...Thankfully my wants cost no more than 5 dollars generally... :D ...And the list goes on and on about his many qualities...As i always say, I AM VERY BLESSED TO HAVE HIM...Good night everyone... :heart: :heart: :heart:


Your MI AMOR is a better man than I. 8O
But I am still adorable. 8)


_________________
Laughter is the best medicine. Age-appropriate behaviour is an arbitrary NT social construct.
Don't tell me white lies. Gaslight me at your peril. Don't give me your bad attitude. Hypnosis, psychosis. Tomarto, tomayto. "Go after people and not institutions; people hurt faster than institutions." I didn't say that. Honey badger.
If I'm so bad, pass me by. ;)


And one more thing,


"A stranger is a friend gang-stalker you haven't met yet." Humour is not meant to be taken seriously, yet many on the left pervert its intent.
Truth may be inconvenient but it is never politically incorrect...The Oracle of Truth has spoken...8)


THERE WILL BE NO COUP IN AMERICA!


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18 Oct 2020, 1:08 pm

KT67 wrote:
Ok maybe this is cos it's a trigger for me cos of my past but why do people think 'childlike' = more suitable for dating?

Unless it's 2 childlike people together.

2 childlike adults who are capable of dating would be better dating each other rather than dating someone who isn't childlike cos then nobody would hurt the other one out of power imbalance. Just like teens ought to be dating other teens not adults.

But people who aren't emotionally young for their age shouldn't be seeking out people who are.


You're so right.
When I was younger and less experienced, I attracted creeps and abusive people because I seemed "innocent."
I know this has happened to a lot of us.


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18 Oct 2020, 5:05 pm

^ and those people are usually never shy to approach others.

They have this one advantage over other guys.


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18 Oct 2020, 5:58 pm

KT67 wrote:
Ok maybe this is cos it's a trigger for me cos of my past but why do people think 'childlike' = more suitable for dating?

Unless it's 2 childlike people together.

2 childlike adults who are capable of dating would be better dating each other rather than dating someone who isn't childlike cos then nobody would hurt the other one out of power imbalance. Just like teens ought to be dating other teens not adults.

But people who aren't emotionally young for their age shouldn't be seeking out people who are.


Agrees with this !


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19 Oct 2020, 6:47 pm

Those qualities can be found in anyone, ASD or otherwise.



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19 Oct 2020, 7:39 pm

I've been a member of various autistic communities, meetup groups, etc. and met a lot of aspies over the years. I've had long-term friendships and relationships with both NTs and aspies. Many aspies do not possess those listed qualities. In fact, most of the people I've known who tick off all those boxes are highly extroverted NTs.



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19 Oct 2020, 9:52 pm

KT67 wrote:
Ok maybe this is cos it's a trigger for me cos of my past but why do people think 'childlike' = more suitable for dating?


"Childlike" is a positive attribute, in my mind. 8)
It would be a nicer world if everyone had this quality. :wink:


_________________
Laughter is the best medicine. Age-appropriate behaviour is an arbitrary NT social construct.
Don't tell me white lies. Gaslight me at your peril. Don't give me your bad attitude. Hypnosis, psychosis. Tomarto, tomayto. "Go after people and not institutions; people hurt faster than institutions." I didn't say that. Honey badger.
If I'm so bad, pass me by. ;)


And one more thing,


"A stranger is a friend gang-stalker you haven't met yet." Humour is not meant to be taken seriously, yet many on the left pervert its intent.
Truth may be inconvenient but it is never politically incorrect...The Oracle of Truth has spoken...8)


THERE WILL BE NO COUP IN AMERICA!