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Ade C
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18 Oct 2020, 12:56 pm

Could be another mid life crisis (yes, another) but I'm wondering if this is as good as it gets. Failing marriage, children who hate me and a string of broken friendships. Life just doesn't seem to get any better or easier despite feeling like I'm running flat out.
Please tell me I'm not the only one!



Juliette
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18 Oct 2020, 1:11 pm

There have been times where I thought life was pretty amazing, that I couldn’t ask for anything more, but there have also been times that I’ve been brought to my knees, and felt totally broken.

Sorry to hear you’re at such a low point right now. Can you objectively pinpoint the crux of the problem in these relationships?



Joe90
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18 Oct 2020, 1:12 pm

Why do you think your children hate you?


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lostproperty
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18 Oct 2020, 1:41 pm

Ade C wrote:
Could be another mid life crisis (yes, another) but I'm wondering if this is as good as it gets. Failing marriage, children who hate me and a string of broken friendships. Life just doesn't seem to get any better or easier despite feeling like I'm running flat out.
Please tell me I'm not the only one!


Not much to go on there but "feeling like I'm running flat out" against a back drop of failing relationships suggests you're working or being worked too hard, which rarely brings out the best in people in domestic situations. Not an uncommon situation I'm sure.



Ade C
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18 Oct 2020, 1:51 pm

Joe90 wrote:
Why do you think your children hate you?

Mainly by the phrases "Daddy go away" and "you're not allowed in here"!
They're both on the spectrum (undiagnosed) and extremely hard work



Ade C
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18 Oct 2020, 1:52 pm

lostproperty wrote:
Ade C wrote:
Could be another mid life crisis (yes, another) but I'm wondering if this is as good as it gets. Failing marriage, children who hate me and a string of broken friendships. Life just doesn't seem to get any better or easier despite feeling like I'm running flat out.
Please tell me I'm not the only one!


Not much to go on there but "feeling like I'm running flat out" against a back drop of failing relationships suggests you're working or being worked too hard, which rarely brings out the best in people in domestic situations. Not an uncommon situation I'm sure.


Thanks for the validation



livingwithautism
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28 Oct 2020, 7:38 pm

I've often wondered if this is as good as it gets. Being severely multiply disabled, taking psychotropic medications that make me feel numb, living in a group home, being obese. But then, I look on the bright side, and I look at what is going right. I just got a job that's a perfect fit that's only 6 hours per week (which is all I can manage), I lead a jazz quartet, I have staff to help me when I need it. The point is, you have to take the good with the bad.



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28 Oct 2020, 9:36 pm

Some people think on how much worse things are for others, when their life doesn't seem so great.

I know a man in his 50's who's a C-5 quadriplegic because of a trampoline accident when he was 17. How many would want to trade places with him?



Steve1963
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29 Oct 2020, 1:46 am

Ade C wrote:
Could be another mid life crisis (yes, another) but I'm wondering if this is as good as it gets. Failing marriage, children who hate me and a string of broken friendships. Life just doesn't seem to get any better or easier despite feeling like I'm running flat out.
Please tell me I'm not the only one!
You're not the only one. I'm on my 2nd failing marriage. While I don't think my children hate me, I have no connection to them at all. No broken friendships though...can't break what you never had. Again...you're not the only one. This life can be tough at times. I just keep plugging away...



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29 Oct 2020, 5:20 am

I’ve certainly had periods of time when life was bleak and nothing seemed to be going my way. I’ve been through the divorce thing several times, my son actually does hate me and so do the foster children I raised. In fact, even now as I type I get a clutch in my belly and throat thinking of these things.

My life is better now. Hang in through the tough times. You have friends here.


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MrsPeel
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29 Oct 2020, 5:39 am

Ade C wrote:
Joe90 wrote:
Why do you think your children hate you?

Mainly by the phrases "Daddy go away" and "you're not allowed in here"!
They're both on the spectrum (undiagnosed) and extremely hard work


Sounds like the kids were just asking for a bit of space. That doesn't mean they hate you.



Ade C
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29 Oct 2020, 4:42 pm

MrsPeel wrote:
Ade C wrote:
Joe90 wrote:
Why do you think your children hate you?

Mainly by the phrases "Daddy go away" and "you're not allowed in here"!
They're both on the spectrum (undiagnosed) and extremely hard work


Sounds like the kids were just asking for a bit of space. That doesn't mean they hate you.

Fair point, but it's virtually every day!
Despite living in the same house, we spend very little time together



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29 Oct 2020, 5:58 pm

Hang in there ade c the thing you can hope is change. And hopefully for the better . Have had a particularly
Difficult as am having spinal cord damage to several vertebrae , and am in a unsupported situation .
On my own for. A very long while inspite of many requests for help from Many medical persons .
Survived a great traumatic accident , then took three year to get as much recovery as I could . Fortunately am normally a self starter . So am very selective how I spend my spoons . Most often have deal with a negative amount of spoons by end of the day . But it’s. Your attitude that , you own worst . Stumbling block .
Good luck .... 8O


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30 Oct 2020, 9:25 pm

I used to think I was pretty good at giving advice and being able to provide an ear to listen to people and their issues without judgement, then I realised that I continue to have problems and am still very troubled by my own problems I can't fix by myself so I'm honestly reluctant to offer anything of help as I question if any advice I'd ever given been of help to others. Oddly enough I now am sure that I most definitely do not have the skills or advice/self talk/solutions to help myself and my problems and am at a loss as to where to start. I've pressed past the point of anger, guilt, brokenness and feel .. I don't know how to describe the feeling other than its just a complete sensation of nothingness, emptiness. I'm no longer hurt or angry or cynical.. I'm just numb. I'm emotionally numb and the only sensation I have total feeling of aside this is sadness that I miss my family, my children. :cry:



cyberdad
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30 Oct 2020, 9:29 pm

Danusaurus wrote:
I used to think I was pretty good at giving advice and being able to provide an ear to listen to people and their issues without judgement, then I realised that I continue to have problems and am still very troubled by my own problems I can't fix by myself so I'm honestly reluctant to offer anything of help as I question if any advice I'd ever given been of help to others.


Good insight, there's an ed Sheeran song that goes;
"So before I save someone else, I've got to save myself
And before I blame someone else, I've got to save myself
And before I love someone else, I've got to love myself"



idntonkw
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30 Oct 2020, 10:36 pm

Try to learn to cook better if you can - that may get kids interested in eating if you cook something nice. But that may be hard if you don't have anybody to instruct you in person. Kids often ignore and don't spend time with parents or resent them for either saying something, doing something, or not doing something. Are you a responsible parent? Try to enjoy whatever responsibility you take for the children.

You may have to look for friends outside of your family.