23 Oct 2020, 9:17 pm
23 Oct 2020, 10:17 pm
23 Oct 2020, 10:37 pm
23 Oct 2020, 10:48 pm
honeytoast wrote:
Going to try to keep this as short and relatively private as I can, since I don't want to share too many details online and it involves another party. Also stating a warning to please not PM me trying to swoop in and attempt be the next partner I end up with. I'm not into that at all.
I have been with my SO for almost 4 years - known them longer than that. We have essentially grown up with each other, been through so much, they accepted me for being autistic, and were there for me. I cannot ever thank them enough for the love and kindness they have shown me while I was a horrible person to them. Lately I have had feelings where I feel like I need to step away from the relationship. Because of past mistakes, I feel that I had trapped them into a relationship with me. I am their first partner, first...everything. It makes me feel extremely guilty enough to the point where I think things should end. I do not think I can get over it enough to function properly. The pain I caused them haunts me. Thinking about it makes me vomit. We had a long conversation and asked for a little break while I thought things over. There had been other issues as well, but I don't think they are too relevant. I can explain if someone asks.
I still am very torn. I feel bringing this up out of nowhere and break off a decent relationship is very hard. They still love me very much and I do too, but now I see myself breaking up with them as an act of that love. They can be better off with someone other than me. Someone who will not make the same choices I did. If I do end things, I will be single for the first time in a long time, I will have to move out, I will have to find a job. All that scares me. I don't want to leave a nice relationship.
My head is full of thoughts and I am too numb to think anymore. I hate myself for bringing this upon them. I want to go back to normal, but if I do resume the relationship, things will continue to get worse. I'm scared and I don't know what else to do.
I have been with my SO for almost 4 years - known them longer than that. We have essentially grown up with each other, been through so much, they accepted me for being autistic, and were there for me. I cannot ever thank them enough for the love and kindness they have shown me while I was a horrible person to them. Lately I have had feelings where I feel like I need to step away from the relationship. Because of past mistakes, I feel that I had trapped them into a relationship with me. I am their first partner, first...everything. It makes me feel extremely guilty enough to the point where I think things should end. I do not think I can get over it enough to function properly. The pain I caused them haunts me. Thinking about it makes me vomit. We had a long conversation and asked for a little break while I thought things over. There had been other issues as well, but I don't think they are too relevant. I can explain if someone asks.
I still am very torn. I feel bringing this up out of nowhere and break off a decent relationship is very hard. They still love me very much and I do too, but now I see myself breaking up with them as an act of that love. They can be better off with someone other than me. Someone who will not make the same choices I did. If I do end things, I will be single for the first time in a long time, I will have to move out, I will have to find a job. All that scares me. I don't want to leave a nice relationship.
My head is full of thoughts and I am too numb to think anymore. I hate myself for bringing this upon them. I want to go back to normal, but if I do resume the relationship, things will continue to get worse. I'm scared and I don't know what else to do.
Based on what you have said, I can only say: "Don't".
Don't end the relationship because you imagine something is going to happen.
It sounds to me that you are looking for an escape.
If that is true, do end the relationship.
Yes, Fey, I *meant* the relationship should end if she doesn't want to be in it.
Last edited by Pepe on 23 Oct 2020, 11:45 pm, edited 1 time in total.
23 Oct 2020, 10:49 pm
23 Oct 2020, 10:54 pm
23 Oct 2020, 10:55 pm
23 Oct 2020, 11:42 pm
23 Oct 2020, 11:43 pm
malavois wrote:
I agree completely with Feyioken. If your partner wants to be with you, they are probably making that decision while fully aware of who you are. They are allowed to make that decision for themself.
Not only that, but things continuing to get worse is not necessarily a foregone conclusion. I am very emotionally reactive and have done and said many, many hurtful and destructive things, to others and to myself. In the beginning of 2020 my relationship seemed doomed. However, in April I started a behavioral therapy group and it’s like a different world. Don’t give up!
Not only that, but things continuing to get worse is not necessarily a foregone conclusion. I am very emotionally reactive and have done and said many, many hurtful and destructive things, to others and to myself. In the beginning of 2020 my relationship seemed doomed. However, in April I started a behavioral therapy group and it’s like a different world. Don’t give up!
I totally agree.
Thank god this thread isn't in The Haven.
That forum "creeps" me out.
24 Oct 2020, 12:53 am
24 Oct 2020, 12:54 am
Pepe wrote:
honeytoast wrote:
Going to try to keep this as short and relatively private as I can, since I don't want to share too many details online and it involves another party. Also stating a warning to please not PM me trying to swoop in and attempt be the next partner I end up with. I'm not into that at all.
I have been with my SO for almost 4 years - known them longer than that. We have essentially grown up with each other, been through so much, they accepted me for being autistic, and were there for me. I cannot ever thank them enough for the love and kindness they have shown me while I was a horrible person to them. Lately I have had feelings where I feel like I need to step away from the relationship. Because of past mistakes, I feel that I had trapped them into a relationship with me. I am their first partner, first...everything. It makes me feel extremely guilty enough to the point where I think things should end. I do not think I can get over it enough to function properly. The pain I caused them haunts me. Thinking about it makes me vomit. We had a long conversation and asked for a little break while I thought things over. There had been other issues as well, but I don't think they are too relevant. I can explain if someone asks.
I still am very torn. I feel bringing this up out of nowhere and break off a decent relationship is very hard. They still love me very much and I do too, but now I see myself breaking up with them as an act of that love. They can be better off with someone other than me. Someone who will not make the same choices I did. If I do end things, I will be single for the first time in a long time, I will have to move out, I will have to find a job. All that scares me. I don't want to leave a nice relationship.
My head is full of thoughts and I am too numb to think anymore. I hate myself for bringing this upon them. I want to go back to normal, but if I do resume the relationship, things will continue to get worse. I'm scared and I don't know what else to do.
I have been with my SO for almost 4 years - known them longer than that. We have essentially grown up with each other, been through so much, they accepted me for being autistic, and were there for me. I cannot ever thank them enough for the love and kindness they have shown me while I was a horrible person to them. Lately I have had feelings where I feel like I need to step away from the relationship. Because of past mistakes, I feel that I had trapped them into a relationship with me. I am their first partner, first...everything. It makes me feel extremely guilty enough to the point where I think things should end. I do not think I can get over it enough to function properly. The pain I caused them haunts me. Thinking about it makes me vomit. We had a long conversation and asked for a little break while I thought things over. There had been other issues as well, but I don't think they are too relevant. I can explain if someone asks.
I still am very torn. I feel bringing this up out of nowhere and break off a decent relationship is very hard. They still love me very much and I do too, but now I see myself breaking up with them as an act of that love. They can be better off with someone other than me. Someone who will not make the same choices I did. If I do end things, I will be single for the first time in a long time, I will have to move out, I will have to find a job. All that scares me. I don't want to leave a nice relationship.
My head is full of thoughts and I am too numb to think anymore. I hate myself for bringing this upon them. I want to go back to normal, but if I do resume the relationship, things will continue to get worse. I'm scared and I don't know what else to do.
Based on what you have said, I can only say: "Don't".
Don't end the relationship because you imagine something is going to happen.
It sounds to me that you are looking for an escape.
If that is true, do end the relationship.
Yes, Fey, I *meant* the relationship should end if she doesn't want to be in it.
Maybe you are right, old skunk. I hate hurting others and it ends up with me hurting myself because of what I caused. I feel like it's better to not do it at all and to keep it in.
24 Oct 2020, 12:57 am
24 Oct 2020, 12:59 am
24 Oct 2020, 1:12 am
24 Oct 2020, 1:18 am
honeytoast wrote:
Pepe wrote:
honeytoast wrote:
Going to try to keep this as short and relatively private as I can, since I don't want to share too many details online and it involves another party. Also stating a warning to please not PM me trying to swoop in and attempt be the next partner I end up with. I'm not into that at all.
I have been with my SO for almost 4 years - known them longer than that. We have essentially grown up with each other, been through so much, they accepted me for being autistic, and were there for me. I cannot ever thank them enough for the love and kindness they have shown me while I was a horrible person to them. Lately I have had feelings where I feel like I need to step away from the relationship. Because of past mistakes, I feel that I had trapped them into a relationship with me. I am their first partner, first...everything. It makes me feel extremely guilty enough to the point where I think things should end. I do not think I can get over it enough to function properly. The pain I caused them haunts me. Thinking about it makes me vomit. We had a long conversation and asked for a little break while I thought things over. There had been other issues as well, but I don't think they are too relevant. I can explain if someone asks.
I still am very torn. I feel bringing this up out of nowhere and break off a decent relationship is very hard. They still love me very much and I do too, but now I see myself breaking up with them as an act of that love. They can be better off with someone other than me. Someone who will not make the same choices I did. If I do end things, I will be single for the first time in a long time, I will have to move out, I will have to find a job. All that scares me. I don't want to leave a nice relationship.
My head is full of thoughts and I am too numb to think anymore. I hate myself for bringing this upon them. I want to go back to normal, but if I do resume the relationship, things will continue to get worse. I'm scared and I don't know what else to do.
I have been with my SO for almost 4 years - known them longer than that. We have essentially grown up with each other, been through so much, they accepted me for being autistic, and were there for me. I cannot ever thank them enough for the love and kindness they have shown me while I was a horrible person to them. Lately I have had feelings where I feel like I need to step away from the relationship. Because of past mistakes, I feel that I had trapped them into a relationship with me. I am their first partner, first...everything. It makes me feel extremely guilty enough to the point where I think things should end. I do not think I can get over it enough to function properly. The pain I caused them haunts me. Thinking about it makes me vomit. We had a long conversation and asked for a little break while I thought things over. There had been other issues as well, but I don't think they are too relevant. I can explain if someone asks.
I still am very torn. I feel bringing this up out of nowhere and break off a decent relationship is very hard. They still love me very much and I do too, but now I see myself breaking up with them as an act of that love. They can be better off with someone other than me. Someone who will not make the same choices I did. If I do end things, I will be single for the first time in a long time, I will have to move out, I will have to find a job. All that scares me. I don't want to leave a nice relationship.
My head is full of thoughts and I am too numb to think anymore. I hate myself for bringing this upon them. I want to go back to normal, but if I do resume the relationship, things will continue to get worse. I'm scared and I don't know what else to do.
Based on what you have said, I can only say: "Don't".
Don't end the relationship because you imagine something is going to happen.
It sounds to me that you are looking for an escape.
If that is true, do end the relationship.
Yes, Fey, I *meant* the relationship should end if she doesn't want to be in it.
Maybe you are right, old skunk. I hate hurting others and it ends up with me hurting myself because of what I caused. I feel like it's better to not do it at all and to keep it in.
I wish you could overcome your uneasiness.
Your partner will be devastated if you leave.
But you can't stay in a relationship where you are unhappy.
I am assuming you still love him and the reason you are hesitating *isn't* simply because you don't want to hurt his feelings?
Do you love him?
If so, stay.
If you don't, go.
As simple as that, in my mind.
You will get every support from your boyfriend.
If he can forgive you, why can't you forgive yourself?
We are all fallible human beings.
No one is perfect, not even me.
24 Oct 2020, 1:31 am
