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bambambalkavizzy
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02 Nov 2020, 5:56 pm

I've recently found out that I'm autistic and gay. As recently as a month ago I would never have thought of myself as gay or autistic even though both were clearly true...but now that I know, I'm finding it hard to make them a part of my identity. It's like I always thought I was the same as all my friends, but now that I know I'm different in two pretty major ways, its hard for me to reconcile that with who I thought I was before...

Anyone else have this problem or am I just crazy?



Bradleigh
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02 Nov 2020, 7:42 pm

You are still yourself, putting titles on your traits do not change you from the person you were a month ago. For the record, rather than call yourself autistic, it can be better to see yourself as a person with autism, it might seem like a pointless difference, but it is one that you do not have to be defined by it.

I imagine it probably would be scary to have the view of your identity change in as quickly as a month. It pretty much took me an entire year of suspecting my non-binary gender to accepting it as a part of who I am, and it was only at the end of that process in rethinking how I thought of gender that I suddenly realised that I was bi. Altering how you see even yourself can be difficult, especially if you are feeling pressured.

Don't feel rushed to feel forced into suddenly having to make these things large parts of your identity. Just take it slow and explore things a bit. There is this one YouTube channel I have really liked called One Topic At A Time, who shows a lot of memes such as LGBT ones, they are generally wholesome and good fun. Maybe watching some could help become a bit more comfortable, such as the r/SuddenlyGay ones?


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Max1951
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07 Nov 2020, 1:06 pm

bambambalkavizzy wrote:
I've recently found out that I'm autistic and gay. As recently as a month ago I would never have thought of myself as gay or autistic even though both were clearly true...but now that I know, I'm finding it hard to make them a part of my identity. It's like I always thought I was the same as all my friends, but now that I know I'm different in two pretty major ways, its hard for me to reconcile that with who I thought I was before...

Anyone else have this problem or am I just crazy?


As to gay spectrumites; there's a lot of us...www.twainbow.org

As to reconciling who you are now to who you were a month ago...your probably are the exact same person you always were, but now you feel that you know that person better. A rose by any other name is still a rose :)
Errol



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30 Nov 2020, 2:10 am

I don't think you are crazy, but...do you really have to reconcile them? Can't you just go on living your life without thinking about these things too much?


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Bradleigh
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30 Nov 2020, 2:41 am

starkid wrote:
I don't think you are crazy, but...do you really have to reconcile them? Can't you just go on living your life without thinking about these things too much?


I don't know if it is intended, but that almost sounds like telling someone to stay in the closet and not think about their sexuality. People tend to build a picture of themselves when they make decisions of what they want, and it can be confusing when the picture you built up can suddenly feel like a mismatch. I think that self reflection is very important, and reconciling your identities is a part of that.


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ElabR8Aspie
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02 Dec 2020, 3:51 am

We are all Yin and Yang.

Male left side(earth),female right side(heaven)

Fact.

Problem is,the lower mind likes to choose sides as into 'i am this or i am that'.

Sexuality,hedonism,defies logic,aka the higher mind.

Find balance,minus sexuality and hedonism.

Look at your weaknesses and strengths.

Combine the two,in tandem though.

Full embodiment.

'Level' this and that.

Understand this and that.

Compartmentalize,Distinguish,Discern,

But as one,ultimately,and mindful of the facts.

Walk in even step.



Offset
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03 Dec 2020, 8:23 am

Reconciling on your identity, depends on the circumstances and the situation.

I feel kinda bitter and pessimistic about a lot of gay socialization. With trying to befriend people and make deep relationships. Bars, clubs, brunches, functions, wine tasting groups, chit chatting etc. all of that is really difficult for me due to my social cue issues. For gay men, it's very normal for them to schmooze, mingle, and merge right into situations like this. For me, not so much.

However, I love how I can watch really old tv shows from decades ago, and classic sitcoms, and movies and stuff like Hee Haw and westerns like Gunsmoke and Bonanza and other stuff, (Especially The Three Stooges, Laurel and Hardy, Abbott and Costello, and The Marx Brothers; oh my days.), and also older music too. That's the part of my personality I like. How I become really involved with trivial stuff like that I guess.

I really hope this helped you. I wish you all the best, please stay strong. Much love. :D :heart:



ElabR8Aspie
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03 Dec 2020, 3:32 pm

Offset wrote:
However, I love how I can watch really old tv shows from decades ago, and classic sitcoms, and movies and stuff like Hee Haw and westerns like Gunsmoke and Bonanza and other stuff, (Especially The Three Stooges, Laurel and Hardy, Abbott and Costello, and The Marx Brothers; oh my days.), and also older music too. That's the part of my personality I like. How I become really involved with trivial stuff like that I guess.


When we were a child,non programmed,uncorrupted,non identity,just true self,no ego.

Without false identity,other than our true nature.


It just was and is.


Reconnecting with tv shows we liked as a child,bares fruit.

Along with the games and stuff we liked as a child.


'Part of my personality you like offset',is who you are,your true essence.


Tv shows and music,and what we gravitate to,are a good guage
and show our true nature,be it from past lives.

Cause,where else would our 'likes' come from?


Call it personality,identity,character,or whatever,

it is essentially a barometer of true nature and essence.


Dna imprinted.



pawelk1986
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04 Dec 2020, 2:38 pm

bambambalkavizzy wrote:
I've recently found out that I'm autistic and gay. As recently as a month ago I would never have thought of myself as gay or autistic even though both were clearly true...but now that I know, I'm finding it hard to make them a part of my identity. It's like I always thought I was the same as all my friends, but now that I know I'm different in two pretty major ways, its hard for me to reconcile that with who I thought I was before...

Anyone else have this problem or am I just crazy?


You don't even know how many :(



futuresoldier1944
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05 Feb 2021, 5:23 pm

bambambalkavizzy wrote:
I've recently found out that I'm autistic and gay. As recently as a month ago I would never have thought of myself as gay or autistic even though both were clearly true...but now that I know, I'm finding it hard to make them a part of my identity. It's like I always thought I was the same as all my friends, but now that I know I'm different in two pretty major ways, its hard for me to reconcile that with who I thought I was before...

Anyone else have this problem or am I just crazy?


Well I was diagnosed with Asperger's when I was 14 but I didn't really accept the fact that I had Asperger's until about 4 years ago when I had a falling out with a friend that was caused in part by my Aspie behavior. I've also had same-sex attraction since I entered puberty but I didn't accept the fact that I was bisexual until about 3 years ago. Hopefully my mental health counselor whom I have seen off and on since I was in junior high school can help me to learn more about my Asperger's and to cope with having the condition.

As for my bisexuality, I'm not exactly sure how I will deal with it or should deal with it. I plan to eventually marry a woman because I don't really see myself marrying a man or even being in a long-term committed relationship with a man. I just have a very strong sexual attraction and lustful urges toward very masculine men, especially men with big muscles and/or men with beards. I'd probably, at most, consider having a "friend with benefits." I've pondered the possibility of having an open heterosexual marriage in which my wife would accept me having one or more male lovers. However, I'm not sure that my future wife would really consent to that no matter how progressive she may be. So I might just have to experiment with my bisexuality and sow my "rainbow" oats before I meet my future wife.

I'm still a virgin and have not had any direct sexual contact with a person of either sex before. The closest I've ever come to sex is a lap dance from a totally nude female stripper. I have accounts on both Grindr and Scruff, but I've never actually met any guy who I chatted with on Grindr or Scruff. I currently live with my parents in a smaller city, which has a limited number of guys on Grindr and Scruff who I'm attracted to. And we're still living through the covid pandemic.

After the pandemic is over, or at least after I receive my covid vaccine, I'll try to meet up with a guy on Grindr or Scruff and lose my "gay virginity," if you can really call it that. I used to live in Washington, D.C. and I've been trying to find another job there. So I might just wait to lose my "gay virginity" until I move back to D.C., which is full of gay guys. Plus once I'm back in D.C., I'll also try to wade into the heterosexual dating pool. Maybe I'll be lucky enough to find my future wife sooner rather than later and I'd then lose my "straight virginity." I don't plan to wait to have sex with a woman until marriage. However, I don't really plan to sleep around with a bunch of women either, which I would consider doing with men.

P.S. If you want to private message me about anything, you're more than welcome to.



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06 Feb 2021, 7:48 am

I believe Starkid is very pro-gay, and would never advocate for people to “stay in the closet.”

She just believes that one’s sexuality should not determine one’s total self.

She advocates that he embraces his gayness, and not “reconcile” it to anything.



goldfish21
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07 Feb 2021, 5:17 am

bambambalkavizzy wrote:
I've recently found out that I'm autistic and gay. As recently as a month ago I would never have thought of myself as gay or autistic even though both were clearly true...but now that I know, I'm finding it hard to make them a part of my identity. It's like I always thought I was the same as all my friends, but now that I know I'm different in two pretty major ways, its hard for me to reconcile that with who I thought I was before...

Anyone else have this problem or am I just crazy?


I'm also both.

But I've known I was gay as far back as I can remember - like 5 yo? So there was only accepting it and letting others know about it, but no surprise to me that I'm gay. Seems odd to ME not to know your own sexual orientation before now & being blindsided by it. But, I'm me and have only lived my life, I have no idea when other people realize what their sexual orientations are. I suppose it is Possible some people do not know until your age - especially since some peoples' sexual orientations are fluid and may change from more gay to more hetero or back and forth.

Aspie, though.. that one took a lot more reading and learning & thinking back over my entire life to reconcile, which, IMO was very.. enlightening? Relieving? Both? It was nice to finally have an explanation that fit like a glove vs. any other possible disorders I'd read about that didn't quite fit.

We're all crazy. Welcome to the club. 8)


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