Is he (ASD male) in love with me or obsessed?

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hello1234hello
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09 Nov 2020, 7:06 pm

I first started talking to this guy with aspergers in the middle of 2018. He asked me out, but I said I wasn't ready for a relationship so I stopped talking to him. For the next 6 months, he proceeded to call me once a month every month (6 times total) despite me never picking up.

Finally, after 6 months, I answered his calls because I felt bad about it and we started talking. In these next four months (end of 2018/beginning of 2019) we talked every night up until 4 am. I started developing feelings strong feelings for him, and him for me, but I wasn't ready for a relationship (due to many personal issues which I won't discuss). So after these four months, I told him I couldn't speak to him anymore and he left it at that.

About a month later he got another girlfriend. I noticed that for the next several months (till August 2019) he kept tabs on all of my social media (i.e. watching all my instagram stories and even liking my first ever post on instagram). Around this time, he sent me another message and we started talking again. He kept asking me out, despite having a girlfriend.

It's now the end of 2020, and he is still waiting for me to go out with him. We did agree to be friends, and only act as friends, because he had a girlfriend. But to this day he insists that we go out.

This persistence though, has been something my friends have attributed to as some sort of obsession with me. What do you guys think, do you think he's actually in love with me, or is it something else? Is this normal aspergers behaviour?

tl;dr: guy has pursued me for 2.5 years and is still waiting



kraftiekortie
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09 Nov 2020, 7:09 pm

The guy has a girlfriend. You would be foolish to go out with him now.

This is not characteristic of Aspergers. It's a sort of stereotypical "male" characteristic wherein one might want their cake, and eat it as well.



Pepe
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10 Nov 2020, 3:58 am

kraftiekortie wrote:
The guy has a girlfriend. You would be foolish to go out with him now.

This is not characteristic of Aspergers. It's a sort of stereotypical "male" characteristic wherein one might want their cake, and eat it as well.


@OP.
Autistic or otherwise, he sounds like a dick because he is already in a relationship.
Piss him off. 8)


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Mountain Goat
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10 Nov 2020, 5:51 am

He may be obsessed with you. If he is please let him down in a kind gentle way as if you are nasty you could wreck his self confidence and his life.
Take it as a compliament that he likes you as he would have put a lot of thought in this before he decided he likes you, but explain to him that you are not interested in dating him.
He also needs to be encouraged to assess himself to know if he liked the girl he is dating or not. Sometimes emotions and feelings are confusing. Sometimes inexperience in dating may lead to not knowing where one stands... Example, one could be desperate to find a friend but also is looking for a future wife at the same time, and be mixing the two concepts up.



The_Face_of_Boo
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10 Nov 2020, 2:13 pm

If his girlfriend is ok about it then you can go poly; a threesome relationship. O Boy.:mrgreen:

Otherwise...it’s cheating.


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goldfish21
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13 Nov 2020, 4:11 pm

Typical aspie limerence, IMO. Yes, it’s a bit of an obsession. It likely won’t really stop until he experiences an intense crush on someone new. Then, when his focus is on someone else, he’ll be able to better accept the fact that you’re merely meant to be friends and you have no romantic interest in him. Until then, be direct in your communications with him and firmly state that you are Friends, not dating, and not going to be in a relationship with one another. He’ll still have his illogical crush on you, but he’ll Also logically realize that you’re not going to be together.


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RightGalaxy
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13 Nov 2020, 11:47 pm

Pepe wrote:
kraftiekortie wrote:
The guy has a girlfriend. You would be foolish to go out with him now.

This is not characteristic of Aspergers. It's a sort of stereotypical "male" characteristic wherein one might want their cake, and eat it as well.


@OP.
Autistic or otherwise, he sounds like a dick because he is already in a relationship.



Piss him off. 8)



Yay Pepe!! !! :D :heart:



RightGalaxy
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13 Nov 2020, 11:47 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
If his girlfriend is ok about it then you can go poly; a threesome relationship. O Boy.:mrgreen:

Otherwise...it’s cheating.


Ew... :x



Pepe
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14 Nov 2020, 5:08 am

RightGalaxy wrote:
Pepe wrote:
kraftiekortie wrote:
The guy has a girlfriend. You would be foolish to go out with him now.

This is not characteristic of Aspergers. It's a sort of stereotypical "male" characteristic wherein one might want their cake, and eat it as well.


@OP.
Autistic or otherwise, he sounds like a dick because he is already in a relationship.



Piss him off. 8)



Yay Pepe!! ! ! :D :heart:


Erm, interested in some coffee and cake, some time? :coffee: :heart: :mrgreen:


_________________
Laughter is the best medicine. Age-appropriate behaviour is an arbitrary NT social construct.
Don't tell me white lies. Gaslight me at your peril. Don't give me your bad attitude. Hypnosis, psychosis. Tomarto, tomayto. There are *4* lights. Honey badger.
If I'm so bad, pass me by. ;)


And one more thing,


"A stranger is a friend gang-stalker you haven't met yet." Humour is not meant to be taken seriously, yet many pervert its intent.
Truth may be inconvenient but it is never politically incorrect...The Oracle of Truth has spoken...8)


I luv KFC!


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Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
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12 May 2021, 12:27 am

Hi I would say he's towards the obsessed side of things. If he was maybe overwhelmed by things then I would feel sorry for him. But he's been pursuing you, and he's got a girlfriend so he obviously got some confidence. So I would be up front with him. It's not like he's going to be lonely.
I wouldn't say it's normal aspergers behaviour. Personally I would respect what you had to say and leave it there. Maybe the long phone calls have given him some false hope, and he has developed strong feelings. That's the aspergers problem, these strong feelings. He has probably enjoyed these times and doesn't like the change. Maybe his current girlfriend doesn't chat to him as much as you did. But other than that you've not led him on, and I wouldn't feel bad about it.
Next time he talks to you say oh you and so and so make such a cute couple I'm really happy for you. And say you've moved on with your life too.