Life in a mainstream school as an ethnic minority aspie

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Ghulam Asadiq
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12 Nov 2020, 6:48 pm

I received my Aspergers Syndrome diagnosis at a young age, the age of 6, so I don't have much memories of my diagnosis or life at school before I was diagnosed. My parents didn't even tell me until I was 13.

I always went to the same mainstream school and I was always being picked on for my ethnic minority sounding name and my brown skin, but before I was told about my diagnosis, I knew I was being bullied for more than my ethnicity. I was an almost complete social outcast most of my school life, I felt like I was in a room with people but I was in a corner trapped in a glass box with no one being able to hear me no matter how much I shout or try to get people's attention.

I would get laughed at and bullied for giving correct and detailed answers when the teachers asked us questions.

On the few occasions I did make any friends, it didn't last long, because I would struggle to read people's feelings by their facial expressions or people would become bored when I brought my computer knowledge into discussions.

I was wondering if it's the norm for ethnic minority aspies to struggle a lot more with school life than non ethnic minority aspies even do?


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Jiheisho
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13 Nov 2020, 1:22 am

I am sorry to hear that. I can imagine that your ethnicity will make this harder. I saw this recently (sorry if it does not directly reflect your experience):



I know this probably does not echo your experience, but I grew up as an American in the UK. I did not know I has ASD then (I was diagnosed this year at the age of 56). Looking back on that time I realized that my autism did affect my ability to make friends and caused a lot of bullying. However, this was attributed to me being a foreigner, not autism. So my autism was hidden behind my nationality making it harder for people to understand me. Sorry, this is probably not making sense.



idntonkw
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13 Nov 2020, 1:40 am

Ghulam Asadiq wrote:
I received my Aspergers Syndrome diagnosis at a young age, the age of 6, so I don't have much memories of my diagnosis or life at school before I was diagnosed. My parents didn't even tell me until I was 13.

I always went to the same mainstream school and I was always being picked on for my ethnic minority sounding name and my brown skin, but before I was told about my diagnosis, I knew I was being bullied for more than my ethnicity. I was an almost complete social outcast most of my school life, I felt like I was in a room with people but I was in a corner trapped in a glass box with no one being able to hear me no matter how much I shout or try to get people's attention.

I would get laughed at and bullied for giving correct and detailed answers when the teachers asked us questions.

On the few occasions I did make any friends, it didn't last long, because I would struggle to read people's feelings by their facial expressions or people would become bored when I brought my computer knowledge into discussions.

I was wondering if it's the norm for ethnic minority aspies to struggle a lot more with school life than non ethnic minority aspies even do?


There will always be people who bully you in school, some students are genetically wired to do it. Key is to realize that the people who bullied you were on a roll of bullying one person after another, and you were one in a long line of people they bullied at school, you just weren't at the right place and time to see it. Once I realized that, and saw myself from a third person perspective ten years later by going back to the same school with some of the same people, I felt relief and wasn't obsessing about it anymore nearly as much.

Are you asking if you experienced a form of racism or being treated differently due to ethnicity - that is absolutely a worldwide phenomenon and what you noticed was racism most likely.

Now one other aspect to realize is that the bad reactions of peers and bullying can help an AS student become aware of inappropriate behavior and stop doing it. It's a painful way to learn, but it helps aspies learn what is inappropriate or frowned upon by their peers. Not that the bullies don't get away with being inappropriate if they chose so, but their inappropriateness is still appropriate in a sense I guess.

People inherently mistrust and dislike and therefore mistreat those who look different. Every person has that. So if you have a different skin color or different social behavior - those things make many people react badly to you. Being the outlier in a group brings on that dislike from people. It's not fair, but it is a phenomenon.

However, people can exhibit this dislike of you and still like you in other ways. For example, the students may dislike how you talked too much, but still look forward to the interesting tidbit of information you brought. So relationships are a mix of ying and yang or bad and good. For the white super social people, perhaps it is mostly good. Whereas, for people with differences, it is a mix. And perhaps with AS you have more bad, but there can be plenty of good if you look for it.



Last edited by idntonkw on 13 Nov 2020, 5:21 am, edited 2 times in total.

funeralxempire
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13 Nov 2020, 2:44 am

I would imagine any two traits that might cause some bullying, when combined would lead to more bullying than either in isolation.


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Ghulam Asadiq
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27 Jan 2021, 2:26 pm

idntonkw wrote:
Ghulam Asadiq wrote:
I received my Aspergers Syndrome diagnosis at a young age, the age of 6, so I don't have much memories of my diagnosis or life at school before I was diagnosed. My parents didn't even tell me until I was 13.

I always went to the same mainstream school and I was always being picked on for my ethnic minority sounding name and my brown skin, but before I was told about my diagnosis, I knew I was being bullied for more than my ethnicity. I was an almost complete social outcast most of my school life, I felt like I was in a room with people but I was in a corner trapped in a glass box with no one being able to hear me no matter how much I shout or try to get people's attention.

I would get laughed at and bullied for giving correct and detailed answers when the teachers asked us questions.

On the few occasions I did make any friends, it didn't last long, because I would struggle to read people's feelings by their facial expressions or people would become bored when I brought my computer knowledge into discussions.

I was wondering if it's the norm for ethnic minority aspies to struggle a lot more with school life than non ethnic minority aspies even do?


There will always be people who bully you in school, some students are genetically wired to do it. Key is to realize that the people who bullied you were on a roll of bullying one person after another, and you were one in a long line of people they bullied at school, you just weren't at the right place and time to see it. Once I realized that, and saw myself from a third person perspective ten years later by going back to the same school with some of the same people, I felt relief and wasn't obsessing about it anymore nearly as much.

Are you asking if you experienced a form of racism or being treated differently due to ethnicity - that is absolutely a worldwide phenomenon and what you noticed was racism most likely.

Now one other aspect to realize is that the bad reactions of peers and bullying can help an AS student become aware of inappropriate behavior and stop doing it. It's a painful way to learn, but it helps aspies learn what is inappropriate or frowned upon by their peers. Not that the bullies don't get away with being inappropriate if they chose so, but their inappropriateness is still appropriate in a sense I guess.

People inherently mistrust and dislike and therefore mistreat those who look different. Every person has that. So if you have a different skin color or different social behavior - those things make many people react badly to you. Being the outlier in a group brings on that dislike from people. It's not fair, but it is a phenomenon.

However, people can exhibit this dislike of you and still like you in other ways. For example, the students may dislike how you talked too much, but still look forward to the interesting tidbit of information you brought. So relationships are a mix of ying and yang or bad and good. For the white super social people, perhaps it is mostly good. Whereas, for people with differences, it is a mix. And perhaps with AS you have more bad, but there can be plenty of good if you look for it.

I was asking if you think I experienced racism.


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idntonkw
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27 Jan 2021, 5:26 pm

Ghulam Asadiq wrote:
idntonkw wrote:
Ghulam Asadiq wrote:
I received my Aspergers Syndrome diagnosis at a young age, the age of 6, so I don't have much memories of my diagnosis or life at school before I was diagnosed. My parents didn't even tell me until I was 13.

I always went to the same mainstream school and I was always being picked on for my ethnic minority sounding name and my brown skin, but before I was told about my diagnosis, I knew I was being bullied for more than my ethnicity. I was an almost complete social outcast most of my school life, I felt like I was in a room with people but I was in a corner trapped in a glass box with no one being able to hear me no matter how much I shout or try to get people's attention.

I would get laughed at and bullied for giving correct and detailed answers when the teachers asked us questions.

On the few occasions I did make any friends, it didn't last long, because I would struggle to read people's feelings by their facial expressions or people would become bored when I brought my computer knowledge into discussions.

I was wondering if it's the norm for ethnic minority aspies to struggle a lot more with school life than non ethnic minority aspies even do?


There will always be people who bully you in school, some students are genetically wired to do it. Key is to realize that the people who bullied you were on a roll of bullying one person after another, and you were one in a long line of people they bullied at school, you just weren't at the right place and time to see it. Once I realized that, and saw myself from a third person perspective ten years later by going back to the same school with some of the same people, I felt relief and wasn't obsessing about it anymore nearly as much.

Are you asking if you experienced a form of racism or being treated differently due to ethnicity - that is absolutely a worldwide phenomenon and what you noticed was racism most likely.

Now one other aspect to realize is that the bad reactions of peers and bullying can help an AS student become aware of inappropriate behavior and stop doing it. It's a painful way to learn, but it helps aspies learn what is inappropriate or frowned upon by their peers. Not that the bullies don't get away with being inappropriate if they chose so, but their inappropriateness is still appropriate in a sense I guess.

People inherently mistrust and dislike and therefore mistreat those who look different. Every person has that. So if you have a different skin color or different social behavior - those things make many people react badly to you. Being the outlier in a group brings on that dislike from people. It's not fair, but it is a phenomenon.

However, people can exhibit this dislike of you and still like you in other ways. For example, the students may dislike how you talked too much, but still look forward to the interesting tidbit of information you brought. So relationships are a mix of ying and yang or bad and good. For the white super social people, perhaps it is mostly good. Whereas, for people with differences, it is a mix. And perhaps with AS you have more bad, but there can be plenty of good if you look for it.

I was asking if you think I experienced racism.


not white people will always experience racism its a fact of life



Ghulam Asadiq
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01 May 2021, 4:03 am

idntonkw wrote:
Ghulam Asadiq wrote:
idntonkw wrote:
Ghulam Asadiq wrote:
I received my Aspergers Syndrome diagnosis at a young age, the age of 6, so I don't have much memories of my diagnosis or life at school before I was diagnosed. My parents didn't even tell me until I was 13.

I always went to the same mainstream school and I was always being picked on for my ethnic minority sounding name and my brown skin, but before I was told about my diagnosis, I knew I was being bullied for more than my ethnicity. I was an almost complete social outcast most of my school life, I felt like I was in a room with people but I was in a corner trapped in a glass box with no one being able to hear me no matter how much I shout or try to get people's attention.

I would get laughed at and bullied for giving correct and detailed answers when the teachers asked us questions.

On the few occasions I did make any friends, it didn't last long, because I would struggle to read people's feelings by their facial expressions or people would become bored when I brought my computer knowledge into discussions.

I was wondering if it's the norm for ethnic minority aspies to struggle a lot more with school life than non ethnic minority aspies even do?


There will always be people who bully you in school, some students are genetically wired to do it. Key is to realize that the people who bullied you were on a roll of bullying one person after another, and you were one in a long line of people they bullied at school, you just weren't at the right place and time to see it. Once I realized that, and saw myself from a third person perspective ten years later by going back to the same school with some of the same people, I felt relief and wasn't obsessing about it anymore nearly as much.

Are you asking if you experienced a form of racism or being treated differently due to ethnicity - that is absolutely a worldwide phenomenon and what you noticed was racism most likely.

Now one other aspect to realize is that the bad reactions of peers and bullying can help an AS student become aware of inappropriate behavior and stop doing it. It's a painful way to learn, but it helps aspies learn what is inappropriate or frowned upon by their peers. Not that the bullies don't get away with being inappropriate if they chose so, but their inappropriateness is still appropriate in a sense I guess.

People inherently mistrust and dislike and therefore mistreat those who look different. Every person has that. So if you have a different skin color or different social behavior - those things make many people react badly to you. Being the outlier in a group brings on that dislike from people. It's not fair, but it is a phenomenon.

However, people can exhibit this dislike of you and still like you in other ways. For example, the students may dislike how you talked too much, but still look forward to the interesting tidbit of information you brought. So relationships are a mix of ying and yang or bad and good. For the white super social people, perhaps it is mostly good. Whereas, for people with differences, it is a mix. And perhaps with AS you have more bad, but there can be plenty of good if you look for it.

I was asking if you think I experienced racism.


not white people will always experience racism its a fact of life

My brother did not seem to experience racism at school as much as I did.


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I am casually disfunctional. Diagnosed with Aspergers aged 6 and Bipolar aged 19.


idntonkw
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01 May 2021, 4:35 am

Ghulam Asadiq wrote:
idntonkw wrote:
Ghulam Asadiq wrote:
idntonkw wrote:
Ghulam Asadiq wrote:
I received my Aspergers Syndrome diagnosis at a young age, the age of 6, so I don't have much memories of my diagnosis or life at school before I was diagnosed. My parents didn't even tell me until I was 13.

I always went to the same mainstream school and I was always being picked on for my ethnic minority sounding name and my brown skin, but before I was told about my diagnosis, I knew I was being bullied for more than my ethnicity. I was an almost complete social outcast most of my school life, I felt like I was in a room with people but I was in a corner trapped in a glass box with no one being able to hear me no matter how much I shout or try to get people's attention.

I would get laughed at and bullied for giving correct and detailed answers when the teachers asked us questions.

On the few occasions I did make any friends, it didn't last long, because I would struggle to read people's feelings by their facial expressions or people would become bored when I brought my computer knowledge into discussions.

I was wondering if it's the norm for ethnic minority aspies to struggle a lot more with school life than non ethnic minority aspies even do?


There will always be people who bully you in school, some students are genetically wired to do it. Key is to realize that the people who bullied you were on a roll of bullying one person after another, and you were one in a long line of people they bullied at school, you just weren't at the right place and time to see it. Once I realized that, and saw myself from a third person perspective ten years later by going back to the same school with some of the same people, I felt relief and wasn't obsessing about it anymore nearly as much.

Are you asking if you experienced a form of racism or being treated differently due to ethnicity - that is absolutely a worldwide phenomenon and what you noticed was racism most likely.

Now one other aspect to realize is that the bad reactions of peers and bullying can help an AS student become aware of inappropriate behavior and stop doing it. It's a painful way to learn, but it helps aspies learn what is inappropriate or frowned upon by their peers. Not that the bullies don't get away with being inappropriate if they chose so, but their inappropriateness is still appropriate in a sense I guess.

People inherently mistrust and dislike and therefore mistreat those who look different. Every person has that. So if you have a different skin color or different social behavior - those things make many people react badly to you. Being the outlier in a group brings on that dislike from people. It's not fair, but it is a phenomenon.

However, people can exhibit this dislike of you and still like you in other ways. For example, the students may dislike how you talked too much, but still look forward to the interesting tidbit of information you brought. So relationships are a mix of ying and yang or bad and good. For the white super social people, perhaps it is mostly good. Whereas, for people with differences, it is a mix. And perhaps with AS you have more bad, but there can be plenty of good if you look for it.

I was asking if you think I experienced racism.


not white people will always experience racism its a fact of life

My brother did not seem to experience racism at school as much as I did.


so he probably has a personality that changes people's racist feelings toward less or not racist. also, you may have had blow back from people because of AS which you may interpret as racism, and/or the AS can make people's racism get worse toward you. i would imagine you experienced both AS blowback and racism from people. you can take strategies to get less negative treatment from people, but some form of racism and AS blowback is just something you have to live with.



cyberdad
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01 May 2021, 4:41 am

My daughter is experiencing this in mainstream school (her mum is south asian). Her ethnicity reinforces why girls in her class don't invite her to birthday parties or try to talk to her. Although she's never been racially vilified, she has been bullied.