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It's....HAMMER time!

Is the Moon really made of green cheese?

No, it's made of invisible cheese. What we can see is the dust that fell on it.

What should I read before sleep?

The warnings about tearing the tags off pillows.

Do you believe in pillows?

They should be all put in a pillory.

What's the most boring piece of information you've ever encountered?

A label next to a big red button marked "DO NOT PUSH THIS BUTTON, NOT EVER, DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT."
So I pushed it and due to the ensuing explosion I'm now posting from the spirit realm. Sigh.

What is the most important advice you can give to everyone?

You won't shave yourself with a cucumber.

For which sin will I face my eternal punishment?

Obviously the one about wearing clothing of mixed material for which you will rightly go to hell and burn there in agony for all eternity.

Can I buy a "get out of hell free" card anywhere?

Only if you buy a gold-played monopoly game.

Why isn’t “monopoly” called “polymono”?

Because it's called Pollyanna.

How much sleep does an average human need?

Around 5 minutes, best taken on your drive home from work.

Why did my car just crash?

You gave it too much sugar sending it into a sugar rush. Now that it's worn off, your car crashed and won't leave your couch for several hours.

What are ten things that can be worn as a hat?

Pipe, slippers, a dead cat, a bottle of beer, a carbuncle, a fishing rod, a tyre, a bicycle, a herring and a cactus.

What should you wear on your feet in snow?

Nothing should be worn in the feet in snow, so that feet can become super cold which is important for keeping away fleas.

How many letters are there in the English alphabet?

25 and a half.

how many digits are in a googleplex?

Minus pi.

How to cure headache?

That's an easy one, you stub your toe on a wall then all you feel is the pain in your foot.

Why do motorcyclists wear a helmet?