28 Dec 2020, 1:30 pm
Clueless2017 wrote:
Tross wrote:
I guess I'm not a late bloomer afterall. I'm 32, still a virgin, but I'm with my second girlfriend, and feel like it's actually going to work out this time.
I approach relationships differently from most people though. I've known far too many people who only seem to be happy if they're in a relationship and who define themselves by who they're with. I instead see myself as being metaphorically like an instrument, where the tune that is my life will carry on regardless of whether I'm with someone or not. The way I see it, if I meet another instrument and the tune we produce together is worse than what I produced alone, then I'm best off being a solo act. However, if we're able to produce a tune together that's better than what I can produce alone...then that's a relationship worth pursuing. It's all about harmony, really.
I'm not interested in being tied down or held back, and never was. I don't need someone else to "complete me". I don't need to fulfil some society expectation or biological push to help reproduce the human race. Companionship is something I'm definitely interested in, although I can get some of that with my network of friends, as well as my church family. No, I need to feel as though my life is objectively better when I'm with someone, and I think my current gf checks that box.
Also, relationships are one area where it's very easy to fall into the trap of playing the game of life by neurotypical rules and expectations. So what if your NT friends and family have settled down before you? Maybe you're simply holding yourself to a standard that you really don't need to. What's important is whether or not you're happy, and while I think a relationship with the right person is great, being in one for the sake of being in one is way overrated. There has to be so much more to you than whether or not you're with someone.
I approach relationships differently from most people though. I've known far too many people who only seem to be happy if they're in a relationship and who define themselves by who they're with. I instead see myself as being metaphorically like an instrument, where the tune that is my life will carry on regardless of whether I'm with someone or not. The way I see it, if I meet another instrument and the tune we produce together is worse than what I produced alone, then I'm best off being a solo act. However, if we're able to produce a tune together that's better than what I can produce alone...then that's a relationship worth pursuing. It's all about harmony, really.
I'm not interested in being tied down or held back, and never was. I don't need someone else to "complete me". I don't need to fulfil some society expectation or biological push to help reproduce the human race. Companionship is something I'm definitely interested in, although I can get some of that with my network of friends, as well as my church family. No, I need to feel as though my life is objectively better when I'm with someone, and I think my current gf checks that box.
Also, relationships are one area where it's very easy to fall into the trap of playing the game of life by neurotypical rules and expectations. So what if your NT friends and family have settled down before you? Maybe you're simply holding yourself to a standard that you really don't need to. What's important is whether or not you're happy, and while I think a relationship with the right person is great, being in one for the sake of being in one is way overrated. There has to be so much more to you than whether or not you're with someone.
... ... ...
I totally get you...You are describing ME, really enjoying being SINGLE...Enjoying the company of wonderful people and wonderful activities...Like you, I never wanted to marry for the sake of marriage...I believe in love; I just thought it happens to other people NOT me
...I honestly did not believe the man for me existed...But i did not become bitter...I did the best i could with my circumstances...In fact, i accomplished great things... 
I could have married an NT like me in my younger years when i got at least three marriage proposals...They were all attractive suitors, but i simply could not see myself in the future with any of them...Still a true virgin at age 47, i finally met he who inspired marriage, he who became my beloved (Aspie) husband...We are soon approaching our second wedding anniversary...And we are still struggling in our neuro-diverse marriage due to his autistic traits...But i cannot imagine myself with anyone else...I KNOW THAT I AM BLESSED TO HAVE HIM
I always say that i am HAPPILY MARRIED not because my marriage is free of tribulation but because HAPPY single people make HAPPY married people...During our courtship, i remember one day, telling my then fiancé, at a time when he was depressed, "If you cannot join me in my happiness, then i will be happy for both of us"...I think that was a defining moment for our relationship...To date, my beloved (Aspie) husband struggles with depression, and i struggle with anxiety...And to date, regardless of circumstances, i try to be HAPPY for both of us...As a result, he is much happier now, I think
Anyway, best wishes to you and your girlfriend...Say hello to her from my behalf...And share your story with as many single people as possible...Because your ATTITUDE is the right attitude, and it is what attracts others to you...I know, because this has been my experience...
I'm sorry, but I can't see myself ever being attracted to someone who's in her late 40s when I meet her.
It's different if we met when we were younger and grew old together.
28 Dec 2020, 1:35 pm
28 Dec 2020, 1:56 pm
28 Dec 2020, 2:22 pm
28 Dec 2020, 2:32 pm
28 Dec 2020, 2:39 pm
The_Face_of_Boo
Veteran
Joined: 16 Jun 2010
Age: 41
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 32,886
Location: Beirut, Lebanon.
28 Dec 2020, 3:55 pm
28 Dec 2020, 4:25 pm
28 Dec 2020, 6:27 pm
28 Dec 2020, 6:45 pm
28 Dec 2020, 8:16 pm
29 Dec 2020, 5:32 am
Rexi wrote:
Clueless2017 wrote:
Tross wrote:
I guess I'm not a late bloomer afterall. I'm 32, still a virgin, but I'm with my second girlfriend, and feel like it's actually going to work out this time.
I approach relationships differently from most people though. I've known far too many people who only seem to be happy if they're in a relationship and who define themselves by who they're with. I instead see myself as being metaphorically like an instrument, where the tune that is my life will carry on regardless of whether I'm with someone or not. The way I see it, if I meet another instrument and the tune we produce together is worse than what I produced alone, then I'm best off being a solo act. However, if we're able to produce a tune together that's better than what I can produce alone...then that's a relationship worth pursuing. It's all about harmony, really.
I'm not interested in being tied down or held back, and never was. I don't need someone else to "complete me". I don't need to fulfil some society expectation or biological push to help reproduce the human race. Companionship is something I'm definitely interested in, although I can get some of that with my network of friends, as well as my church family. No, I need to feel as though my life is objectively better when I'm with someone, and I think my current gf checks that box.
Also, relationships are one area where it's very easy to fall into the trap of playing the game of life by neurotypical rules and expectations. So what if your NT friends and family have settled down before you? Maybe you're simply holding yourself to a standard that you really don't need to. What's important is whether or not you're happy, and while I think a relationship with the right person is great, being in one for the sake of being in one is way overrated. There has to be so much more to you than whether or not you're with someone.
I approach relationships differently from most people though. I've known far too many people who only seem to be happy if they're in a relationship and who define themselves by who they're with. I instead see myself as being metaphorically like an instrument, where the tune that is my life will carry on regardless of whether I'm with someone or not. The way I see it, if I meet another instrument and the tune we produce together is worse than what I produced alone, then I'm best off being a solo act. However, if we're able to produce a tune together that's better than what I can produce alone...then that's a relationship worth pursuing. It's all about harmony, really.
I'm not interested in being tied down or held back, and never was. I don't need someone else to "complete me". I don't need to fulfil some society expectation or biological push to help reproduce the human race. Companionship is something I'm definitely interested in, although I can get some of that with my network of friends, as well as my church family. No, I need to feel as though my life is objectively better when I'm with someone, and I think my current gf checks that box.
Also, relationships are one area where it's very easy to fall into the trap of playing the game of life by neurotypical rules and expectations. So what if your NT friends and family have settled down before you? Maybe you're simply holding yourself to a standard that you really don't need to. What's important is whether or not you're happy, and while I think a relationship with the right person is great, being in one for the sake of being in one is way overrated. There has to be so much more to you than whether or not you're with someone.
... ... ...
I totally get you...You are describing ME, really enjoying being SINGLE...Enjoying the company of wonderful people and wonderful activities...Like you, I never wanted to marry for the sake of marriage...I believe in love; I just thought it happens to other people NOT me
...I honestly did not believe the man for me existed...But i did not become bitter...I did the best i could with my circumstances...In fact, i accomplished great things... I could have married an NT like me in my younger years when i got at least three marriage proposals...They were all attractive suitors, but i simply could not see myself in the future with any of them...Still a true virgin at age 47, i finally met he who inspired marriage, he who became my beloved (Aspie) husband...We are soon approaching our second wedding anniversary...And we are still struggling in our neuro-diverse marriage due to his autistic traits...But i cannot imagine myself with anyone else...I KNOW THAT I AM BLESSED TO HAVE HIM
I always say that i am HAPPILY MARRIED not because my marriage is free of tribulation but because HAPPY single people make HAPPY married people...During our courtship, i remember one day, telling my then fiancé, at a time when he was depressed, "If you cannot join me in my happiness, then i will be happy for both of us"...I think that was a defining moment for our relationship...To date, my beloved (Aspie) husband struggles with depression, and i struggle with anxiety...And to date, regardless of circumstances, i try to be HAPPY for both of us...As a result, he is much happier now, I think
Anyway, best wishes to you and your girlfriend...Say hello to her from my behalf...And share your story with as many single people as possible...Because your ATTITUDE is the right attitude, and it is what attracts others to you...I know, because this has been my experience...
That's wonderful, Im sure you helped him. Nice work to take the pressure off of him. That's one of the most important things in a relationship.
... ... ...
Thank you Rexi...It never occured to me that i was taking the pressure off him to "make me happy"...As i well know, only i can make me happy...Nobody but me is responsible for my happiness...My beloved (Aspie) husband surely contributes to my happiness JUST BECAUSE HE EXISTS...And for this i thank him (This sounds really romantic in Spanish: "AMOR, gracias por existir"
)...In reality, it is God who deserves to be thanked for my husband's existence...And i thank God everyday as well...In a close relationship, one can also 'take-away' per se someone else's happiness...There are things that my husband may do inadvertedly or that i may do inadverdtedly that 'take-away' from each others' happiness...And then, there are faults of ommission as well...Those are all the things we should do for each other but for some reason fail to do for each other...These faults also 'take-away' the happiness of the couple...As long as we are both FORGIVING to each other, because we understand that there was NO ill-intent to hurt each other when we said or did such and such or failed to say or failed to do such and such, we will quickly return to our state of happiness...Am i making any sense, Rexi???...
Greetings to you...And please stay safe
Rexi
Veteran
Joined: 3 Sep 2017
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,388
Location: "I know there's nothing we can do. But my heart can't accept it." "If this is real, then I want to change the future."
02 Jan 2021, 3:26 am
Clueless2017 wrote:
Rexi wrote:
Clueless2017 wrote:
Tross wrote:
I guess I'm not a late bloomer afterall. I'm 32, still a virgin, but I'm with my second girlfriend, and feel like it's actually going to work out this time.
I approach relationships differently from most people though. I've known far too many people who only seem to be happy if they're in a relationship and who define themselves by who they're with. I instead see myself as being metaphorically like an instrument, where the tune that is my life will carry on regardless of whether I'm with someone or not. The way I see it, if I meet another instrument and the tune we produce together is worse than what I produced alone, then I'm best off being a solo act. However, if we're able to produce a tune together that's better than what I can produce alone...then that's a relationship worth pursuing. It's all about harmony, really.
I'm not interested in being tied down or held back, and never was. I don't need someone else to "complete me". I don't need to fulfil some society expectation or biological push to help reproduce the human race. Companionship is something I'm definitely interested in, although I can get some of that with my network of friends, as well as my church family. No, I need to feel as though my life is objectively better when I'm with someone, and I think my current gf checks that box.
Also, relationships are one area where it's very easy to fall into the trap of playing the game of life by neurotypical rules and expectations. So what if your NT friends and family have settled down before you? Maybe you're simply holding yourself to a standard that you really don't need to. What's important is whether or not you're happy, and while I think a relationship with the right person is great, being in one for the sake of being in one is way overrated. There has to be so much more to you than whether or not you're with someone.
I approach relationships differently from most people though. I've known far too many people who only seem to be happy if they're in a relationship and who define themselves by who they're with. I instead see myself as being metaphorically like an instrument, where the tune that is my life will carry on regardless of whether I'm with someone or not. The way I see it, if I meet another instrument and the tune we produce together is worse than what I produced alone, then I'm best off being a solo act. However, if we're able to produce a tune together that's better than what I can produce alone...then that's a relationship worth pursuing. It's all about harmony, really.
I'm not interested in being tied down or held back, and never was. I don't need someone else to "complete me". I don't need to fulfil some society expectation or biological push to help reproduce the human race. Companionship is something I'm definitely interested in, although I can get some of that with my network of friends, as well as my church family. No, I need to feel as though my life is objectively better when I'm with someone, and I think my current gf checks that box.
Also, relationships are one area where it's very easy to fall into the trap of playing the game of life by neurotypical rules and expectations. So what if your NT friends and family have settled down before you? Maybe you're simply holding yourself to a standard that you really don't need to. What's important is whether or not you're happy, and while I think a relationship with the right person is great, being in one for the sake of being in one is way overrated. There has to be so much more to you than whether or not you're with someone.
... ... ...
I totally get you...You are describing ME, really enjoying being SINGLE...Enjoying the company of wonderful people and wonderful activities...Like you, I never wanted to marry for the sake of marriage...I believe in love; I just thought it happens to other people NOT me
...I honestly did not believe the man for me existed...But i did not become bitter...I did the best i could with my circumstances...In fact, i accomplished great things... I could have married an NT like me in my younger years when i got at least three marriage proposals...They were all attractive suitors, but i simply could not see myself in the future with any of them...Still a true virgin at age 47, i finally met he who inspired marriage, he who became my beloved (Aspie) husband...We are soon approaching our second wedding anniversary...And we are still struggling in our neuro-diverse marriage due to his autistic traits...But i cannot imagine myself with anyone else...I KNOW THAT I AM BLESSED TO HAVE HIM
I always say that i am HAPPILY MARRIED not because my marriage is free of tribulation but because HAPPY single people make HAPPY married people...During our courtship, i remember one day, telling my then fiancé, at a time when he was depressed, "If you cannot join me in my happiness, then i will be happy for both of us"...I think that was a defining moment for our relationship...To date, my beloved (Aspie) husband struggles with depression, and i struggle with anxiety...And to date, regardless of circumstances, i try to be HAPPY for both of us...As a result, he is much happier now, I think
Anyway, best wishes to you and your girlfriend...Say hello to her from my behalf...And share your story with as many single people as possible...Because your ATTITUDE is the right attitude, and it is what attracts others to you...I know, because this has been my experience...
That's wonderful, Im sure you helped him. Nice work to take the pressure off of him. That's one of the most important things in a relationship.
... ... ...
Thank you Rexi...It never occured to me that i was taking the pressure off him to "make me happy"...As i well know, only i can make me happy...Nobody but me is responsible for my happiness...My beloved (Aspie) husband surely contributes to my happiness JUST BECAUSE HE EXISTS...And for this i thank him (This sounds really romantic in Spanish: "AMOR, gracias por existir"
)...In reality, it is God who deserves to be thanked for my husband's existence...And i thank God everyday as well...In a close relationship, one can also 'take-away' per se someone else's happiness...There are things that my husband may do inadvertedly or that i may do inadverdtedly that 'take-away' from each others' happiness...And then, there are faults of ommission as well...Those are all the things we should do for each other but for some reason fail to do for each other...These faults also 'take-away' the happiness of the couple...As long as we are both FORGIVING to each other, because we understand that there was NO ill-intent to hurt each other when we said or did such and such or failed to say or failed to do such and such, we will quickly return to our state of happiness...Am i making any sense, Rexi???...
Greetings to you...And please stay safe
Yes i have been through it the same way and a bit different. I find it really hard to take pressure off of people though if it means that I don't cry on them every day about it, if they're really bad at providing emotional reciprocation and do things that counterbalance it. I have to ask them to pet me but they dislike doing it.
_________________
My Pepe Le Skunk. I have so much faith in our love for one another. Thanks for being an amazing partner.
x Any topic, PM me; mind my profile.
02 Jan 2021, 6:37 am
Rexi wrote:
Clueless2017 wrote:
Rexi wrote:
Clueless2017 wrote:
Tross wrote:
I guess I'm not a late bloomer afterall. I'm 32, still a virgin, but I'm with my second girlfriend, and feel like it's actually going to work out this time.
I approach relationships differently from most people though. I've known far too many people who only seem to be happy if they're in a relationship and who define themselves by who they're with. I instead see myself as being metaphorically like an instrument, where the tune that is my life will carry on regardless of whether I'm with someone or not. The way I see it, if I meet another instrument and the tune we produce together is worse than what I produced alone, then I'm best off being a solo act. However, if we're able to produce a tune together that's better than what I can produce alone...then that's a relationship worth pursuing. It's all about harmony, really.
I'm not interested in being tied down or held back, and never was. I don't need someone else to "complete me". I don't need to fulfil some society expectation or biological push to help reproduce the human race. Companionship is something I'm definitely interested in, although I can get some of that with my network of friends, as well as my church family. No, I need to feel as though my life is objectively better when I'm with someone, and I think my current gf checks that box.
Also, relationships are one area where it's very easy to fall into the trap of playing the game of life by neurotypical rules and expectations. So what if your NT friends and family have settled down before you? Maybe you're simply holding yourself to a standard that you really don't need to. What's important is whether or not you're happy, and while I think a relationship with the right person is great, being in one for the sake of being in one is way overrated. There has to be so much more to you than whether or not you're with someone.
I approach relationships differently from most people though. I've known far too many people who only seem to be happy if they're in a relationship and who define themselves by who they're with. I instead see myself as being metaphorically like an instrument, where the tune that is my life will carry on regardless of whether I'm with someone or not. The way I see it, if I meet another instrument and the tune we produce together is worse than what I produced alone, then I'm best off being a solo act. However, if we're able to produce a tune together that's better than what I can produce alone...then that's a relationship worth pursuing. It's all about harmony, really.
I'm not interested in being tied down or held back, and never was. I don't need someone else to "complete me". I don't need to fulfil some society expectation or biological push to help reproduce the human race. Companionship is something I'm definitely interested in, although I can get some of that with my network of friends, as well as my church family. No, I need to feel as though my life is objectively better when I'm with someone, and I think my current gf checks that box.
Also, relationships are one area where it's very easy to fall into the trap of playing the game of life by neurotypical rules and expectations. So what if your NT friends and family have settled down before you? Maybe you're simply holding yourself to a standard that you really don't need to. What's important is whether or not you're happy, and while I think a relationship with the right person is great, being in one for the sake of being in one is way overrated. There has to be so much more to you than whether or not you're with someone.
... ... ...
I totally get you...You are describing ME, really enjoying being SINGLE...Enjoying the company of wonderful people and wonderful activities...Like you, I never wanted to marry for the sake of marriage...I believe in love; I just thought it happens to other people NOT me
...I honestly did not believe the man for me existed...But i did not become bitter...I did the best i could with my circumstances...In fact, i accomplished great things... I could have married an NT like me in my younger years when i got at least three marriage proposals...They were all attractive suitors, but i simply could not see myself in the future with any of them...Still a true virgin at age 47, i finally met he who inspired marriage, he who became my beloved (Aspie) husband...We are soon approaching our second wedding anniversary...And we are still struggling in our neuro-diverse marriage due to his autistic traits...But i cannot imagine myself with anyone else...I KNOW THAT I AM BLESSED TO HAVE HIM
I always say that i am HAPPILY MARRIED not because my marriage is free of tribulation but because HAPPY single people make HAPPY married people...During our courtship, i remember one day, telling my then fiancé, at a time when he was depressed, "If you cannot join me in my happiness, then i will be happy for both of us"...I think that was a defining moment for our relationship...To date, my beloved (Aspie) husband struggles with depression, and i struggle with anxiety...And to date, regardless of circumstances, i try to be HAPPY for both of us...As a result, he is much happier now, I think
Anyway, best wishes to you and your girlfriend...Say hello to her from my behalf...And share your story with as many single people as possible...Because your ATTITUDE is the right attitude, and it is what attracts others to you...I know, because this has been my experience...
That's wonderful, Im sure you helped him. Nice work to take the pressure off of him. That's one of the most important things in a relationship.
... ... ...
Thank you Rexi...It never occured to me that i was taking the pressure off him to "make me happy"...As i well know, only i can make me happy...Nobody but me is responsible for my happiness...My beloved (Aspie) husband surely contributes to my happiness JUST BECAUSE HE EXISTS...And for this i thank him (This sounds really romantic in Spanish: "AMOR, gracias por existir"
)...In reality, it is God who deserves to be thanked for my husband's existence...And i thank God everyday as well...In a close relationship, one can also 'take-away' per se someone else's happiness...There are things that my husband may do inadvertedly or that i may do inadverdtedly that 'take-away' from each others' happiness...And then, there are faults of ommission as well...Those are all the things we should do for each other but for some reason fail to do for each other...These faults also 'take-away' the happiness of the couple...As long as we are both FORGIVING to each other, because we understand that there was NO ill-intent to hurt each other when we said or did such and such or failed to say or failed to do such and such, we will quickly return to our state of happiness...Am i making any sense, Rexi???...
Greetings to you...And please stay safe
Yes i have been through it the same way and a bit different. I find it really hard to take pressure off of people though if it means that I don't cry on them every day about it, if they're really bad at providing emotional reciprocation and do things that counterbalance it. I have to ask them to pet me but they dislike doing it.
... ... ...
You & i might have much more in common than we could imagined...Emotional Reciprocity is of utmost importance to me as well...And this is where my beloved (Aspie) husband has failed me repeatedly...However, he keeps getting better...Did you read my post yesterday about his gift to me???...A black teddy bear, a heart-shape box of chocolates and a bouquet of my favorite flowers...I wanted to cry tears of joy, because his show of affection made me so happy...
Post Script: Best wishes to you...
Rexi
Veteran
Joined: 3 Sep 2017
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,388
Location: "I know there's nothing we can do. But my heart can't accept it." "If this is real, then I want to change the future."
02 Jan 2021, 8:18 am
Clueless2017 wrote:
Rexi wrote:
Clueless2017 wrote:
Rexi wrote:
Clueless2017 wrote:
Tross wrote:
I guess I'm not a late bloomer afterall. I'm 32, still a virgin, but I'm with my second girlfriend, and feel like it's actually going to work out this time.
I approach relationships differently from most people though. I've known far too many people who only seem to be happy if they're in a relationship and who define themselves by who they're with. I instead see myself as being metaphorically like an instrument, where the tune that is my life will carry on regardless of whether I'm with someone or not. The way I see it, if I meet another instrument and the tune we produce together is worse than what I produced alone, then I'm best off being a solo act. However, if we're able to produce a tune together that's better than what I can produce alone...then that's a relationship worth pursuing. It's all about harmony, really.
I'm not interested in being tied down or held back, and never was. I don't need someone else to "complete me". I don't need to fulfil some society expectation or biological push to help reproduce the human race. Companionship is something I'm definitely interested in, although I can get some of that with my network of friends, as well as my church family. No, I need to feel as though my life is objectively better when I'm with someone, and I think my current gf checks that box.
Also, relationships are one area where it's very easy to fall into the trap of playing the game of life by neurotypical rules and expectations. So what if your NT friends and family have settled down before you? Maybe you're simply holding yourself to a standard that you really don't need to. What's important is whether or not you're happy, and while I think a relationship with the right person is great, being in one for the sake of being in one is way overrated. There has to be so much more to you than whether or not you're with someone.
I approach relationships differently from most people though. I've known far too many people who only seem to be happy if they're in a relationship and who define themselves by who they're with. I instead see myself as being metaphorically like an instrument, where the tune that is my life will carry on regardless of whether I'm with someone or not. The way I see it, if I meet another instrument and the tune we produce together is worse than what I produced alone, then I'm best off being a solo act. However, if we're able to produce a tune together that's better than what I can produce alone...then that's a relationship worth pursuing. It's all about harmony, really.
I'm not interested in being tied down or held back, and never was. I don't need someone else to "complete me". I don't need to fulfil some society expectation or biological push to help reproduce the human race. Companionship is something I'm definitely interested in, although I can get some of that with my network of friends, as well as my church family. No, I need to feel as though my life is objectively better when I'm with someone, and I think my current gf checks that box.
Also, relationships are one area where it's very easy to fall into the trap of playing the game of life by neurotypical rules and expectations. So what if your NT friends and family have settled down before you? Maybe you're simply holding yourself to a standard that you really don't need to. What's important is whether or not you're happy, and while I think a relationship with the right person is great, being in one for the sake of being in one is way overrated. There has to be so much more to you than whether or not you're with someone.
... ... ...
I totally get you...You are describing ME, really enjoying being SINGLE...Enjoying the company of wonderful people and wonderful activities...Like you, I never wanted to marry for the sake of marriage...I believe in love; I just thought it happens to other people NOT me
...I honestly did not believe the man for me existed...But i did not become bitter...I did the best i could with my circumstances...In fact, i accomplished great things... I could have married an NT like me in my younger years when i got at least three marriage proposals...They were all attractive suitors, but i simply could not see myself in the future with any of them...Still a true virgin at age 47, i finally met he who inspired marriage, he who became my beloved (Aspie) husband...We are soon approaching our second wedding anniversary...And we are still struggling in our neuro-diverse marriage due to his autistic traits...But i cannot imagine myself with anyone else...I KNOW THAT I AM BLESSED TO HAVE HIM
I always say that i am HAPPILY MARRIED not because my marriage is free of tribulation but because HAPPY single people make HAPPY married people...During our courtship, i remember one day, telling my then fiancé, at a time when he was depressed, "If you cannot join me in my happiness, then i will be happy for both of us"...I think that was a defining moment for our relationship...To date, my beloved (Aspie) husband struggles with depression, and i struggle with anxiety...And to date, regardless of circumstances, i try to be HAPPY for both of us...As a result, he is much happier now, I think
Anyway, best wishes to you and your girlfriend...Say hello to her from my behalf...And share your story with as many single people as possible...Because your ATTITUDE is the right attitude, and it is what attracts others to you...I know, because this has been my experience...
That's wonderful, Im sure you helped him. Nice work to take the pressure off of him. That's one of the most important things in a relationship.
... ... ...
Thank you Rexi...It never occured to me that i was taking the pressure off him to "make me happy"...As i well know, only i can make me happy...Nobody but me is responsible for my happiness...My beloved (Aspie) husband surely contributes to my happiness JUST BECAUSE HE EXISTS...And for this i thank him (This sounds really romantic in Spanish: "AMOR, gracias por existir"
)...In reality, it is God who deserves to be thanked for my husband's existence...And i thank God everyday as well...In a close relationship, one can also 'take-away' per se someone else's happiness...There are things that my husband may do inadvertedly or that i may do inadverdtedly that 'take-away' from each others' happiness...And then, there are faults of ommission as well...Those are all the things we should do for each other but for some reason fail to do for each other...These faults also 'take-away' the happiness of the couple...As long as we are both FORGIVING to each other, because we understand that there was NO ill-intent to hurt each other when we said or did such and such or failed to say or failed to do such and such, we will quickly return to our state of happiness...Am i making any sense, Rexi???...
Greetings to you...And please stay safe
Yes i have been through it the same way and a bit different. I find it really hard to take pressure off of people though if it means that I don't cry on them every day about it, if they're really bad at providing emotional reciprocation and do things that counterbalance it. I have to ask them to pet me but they dislike doing it.
... ... ...
You & i might have much more in common than we could imagined...Emotional Reciprocity is of utmost importance to me as well...And this is where my beloved (Aspie) husband has failed me repeatedly...However, he keeps getting better...Did you read my post yesterday about his gift to me???...A black teddy bear, a heart-shape box of chocolates and a bouquet of my favorite flowers...I wanted to cry tears of joy, because his show of affection made me so happy...
Post Script: Best wishes to you...
That must feel like heavens. It's nice of him, too.
Hope it lasts you awhile.
I'm tearing up.
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My Pepe Le Skunk. I have so much faith in our love for one another. Thanks for being an amazing partner.
x Any topic, PM me; mind my profile.
goldfish21
Veteran
Joined: 17 Feb 2013
Age: 41
Gender: Male
Posts: 22,612
Location: Vancouver, BC, Canada
02 Jan 2021, 4:41 pm
I’m less than 2 years from 40. Never been in a relationship. I can treat my ASD symptoms, but there is no full permanent cure. AS traits are unattractive And I wouldn’t want to be a burden or embarrassment to anyone. I’m also aesthetically unappealing thanks to several medical misdiagnoses that resulted in my skin being destroyed. It’s been healing for 2-3 years now, but still has a ways to go & will require more tattoos than I can afford to cover the scars.
All that said, life isn’t over. I can still get fit & strong and do things - get back to kiteboarding in the summers, motorcycle riding when it isn’t raining, and pursue an education so that I can feel like my life hasn’t been wasted just waiting for it to end.
So, accept what is and make the most of it in your way instead of just complaining and waiting for time to pass. IMO.
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No
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