Fifty one year old woman, diagnosed last year. Overwhelmed.

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I'm Rose, 51 in the US, and was diagnosed last year. I'm also going through menopause and will soon be going through divorce. I think I'm experiencing autistic burnout. I'm dropping masks right and left, trying to peel away the layers and figure out who I am without them. I was raised by a very domineering mother who has narcissistic personality disorder, which is such a big f**k you from the universe that I'm not sure how to process it. I can see I'm going to need help figuring out what's from the trauma and what's just my autism. And I do feel that it's MY AUTISM. I feel very defensive and protective of my autistic status. I feel like someone handed me the key to me and I don't want anyone else to see it. I made the sad mistake of telling my sister, who also shows very strong nacissistic tendencies, and she belittled me. Told me not to use it as an excuse. For what, behaving autistically? But my oldest daughter was curious enough to be tested herself and was not surprised to find that she is also autistic. She's also the daughter I can relate to and get on with the best. She really seems to understand me and I her.

I spent most of my life by turns forcing myself to be extroverted, and then shutting down for days or weeks when it all got to be too much. I don't do that anymore, at least not for long periods of time. Today (Christmas) was exhausting and I'm going to be down for several days because of it. Can I just say I really hate traditional American holidays? So much chaos. So few nice, calm, meaningful conversations.

I realized last year that trying to live with others has been a huge mistake. I'm converting a nice shuttle bus into a tiny house and am currently living in it with my three kitties and my dog. They are my best friends and I love spending time with them more than anything. I thin they and I are going to head down to Mexico in Spring to get some solitude and a new experience of independence. Wish me luck!

Hi and welcome to Wrong Planet.

hello
btw cool re tiny house, although if you want 3 cats and a dog,
i perhaps would expect more space? Well perhaps outside space can help.

I think that when it comes to ASD (autism etc) it isn't really your relatives to use it as a put me down,
although i have to admit, when i was first diagnosed, due to my fathers lack of understanding of the condition,
he did use it as "its cause you have autism" kind of dig, which wasn't cool.

Instead of changing what they say or do because you have ASD, some people will use it as a way to blame you...
yere its your fault cause you have asd etc.. this however is discrimination and wrong.
But takes intelligence and kindness to overcome.

Things are better now for me at least for the short term.

But you have my sympathy as it can take time for the real life diagnosis to sink into some people/.
I mean, i still have some problems with friends who are alcoholics and not autistic who think that our problems
are the same. Which they are not, i am not an alcoholic but some things in life are impossible for me,
not impossible out of choice as with some alcoholics who choose the easy path

people with ASD do not have a choice
apart from live or don't life

different to drink or dont drink
not that I belittle alcoholism, i don't. We all have our problems
but some problems can be solved and some can not.

Anyway.
I welcome you and wish you well
hope you can get the answers that you seek out of this forum and make more sense of your life
and ideally, ultimately find peace

cheers

welcome! I am 69, had formal diagnosis at 68, so much to sort out. No wonder you feel overwhelmed. Diagnosis gives us a whole new way to look at life, from the earliest experiences to the most recent. Autism has become a special interest. The more I learn about it, the more "aha" moments I have, and things are finally starting to make sense to me regarding my past, and how autism worked without me ever knowing it. Like you, I had an abusive narcissistic mother who I was able to understand as autistic after thinking about much of her behavior. I did not know or understand that until long after she had passed away. Sorting through memories and looking at them knowing now about autism so much is becoming clear. What a relief to finally begin to understand all of the pain and"whys" of the past. Self care right now is the most important thing. Things will get clearer bit by bit and you will learn how to help the worst things you struggle with as you sort and get more info. I know about the emotional overwhelm, the mixed emotions, the re-living pains of the past. I want to encourage you to take your time and give yourself credit for being a survivor of all that without having the tools or understanding (about autism etc) that you needed to make sense of it all. It won't happen overnight, but one day you will wake up and find that things are starting to get better. None of this will change your neurology, but you will understand your past, your self, and your present much better. Treat yourself kindly as you would any other person going through such a huge amount of stressful things. Rest when you need to, etc. Sending best wishes, there are lots of people on this board who understand and can share insights and info from their experience. Glad you are with us.

Welcome to Wrong Planet. I am glad you are here.

When I realized I was autistic, just a few years ago, it was like the penny dropped and my life experiences made sense. This forum has been helpful for me to learn and to find others like me.

I too have found it necessary for my health and sanity to drop the masking and cut down on social interactions.

Your converted van sounds great. I hope you have many wonderful times ahead with it and your dog and cats.

Welcome to WP. I hope you find it a pleasant place to occasionally visit.

Also, please extend my respectful regards to the kitties. And tell the dog that, for me, they will need a character reference from the kitties.

Welcome to WP!

Going on a road trip with ones fluffy furbabies sounds amazing. I hope you have a wonderful time and enjoy lots of exciting adventures together!

Welcome. I was diagnosed this year at the age of 56.

You may be find this article and site useful for you: Acceptance as wellbeing