What is your Concept of Romantic LOVE? Please DEFINE it.

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I am an NT, happily married to my beloved (Aspie) husband...I am very much interested to know if the concept of Romantic LOVE differs from NTs and those on the spectrum...If so, in which way?...Please elaborate...Obviously, there are no right or wrong answers...Your contribution to this thread is greatly appreciated...Thank you in advance...And stay safe...

Post-Script: Just to clarify, all i am asking for here is that you attempt to define ROMANTIC LOVE according to your 'dictionary'...Thanks again...

My concept of romantic love (for my beloved NT partner) is liking what I see (ie, feeling attracted to him), getting along, working things out together as a partnership, being honest with each other, trust, compromise, accepting and getting along with each other's families (trust me, this helps), being there for each other... actually there are so many more things I can't think of right now.

To me my boyfriend is part of my family. If we disagree with something, I still love him and I think of ways to work things out and compromise. I've had arguments with him before, that even ended up with me crying on the bed and saying how horrible he is. But this doesn't occur often, and we're always sorry and make up again the same day. Just like I did whenever I had arguments with my family (I don't argue with them so much now because I don't live with them).

I think that the answer to the question is really dependable on who answers, and you really could get a lot of variation when it comes to answers.

I would say that people with ASD like a lot of the same things in a relationship that NT people like.

There may be some problems with particular people with ASD, depending on how their neural networks work,
with each being judged on its own merit. As the old saying, no two ASD people are alike, although some recognisable traits from a spectrum of traits can be recognised in order to identify the condition and diagnose it in an individual.

So what does this mean.

Well, if you wanted to work out what people with ASD liked in terms of a romantic relationship, you perhaps would have to do a tailor made profile for each individual person with ASD, which detailed certain stereotypical behaviour for each individual, if the behaviour was thought to be significant.

For example. A common feature of some people's with ASD's cognitive behaviour is affected by a type of rigidity of thought which can affect that person's ability to function or cope with some aspects of a relationship.

One common trait among people with ASD is that we have a tendency to interpret information literally and have very little tolerance for deviation from literal interpretation.

For example, in some people with ASD, we are compelled to be very honest, and to expect others to be honest.
Even to the extent that our honest opinion becomes tactless.

I personally am fairly much like this, and prefer not to lie. Of course, my IQ is above average, so I am intelligent enough to lie, in fact, as I am a very creative person, I imagine I could make a very good liar if I were to put my mind to it.

However, i bluntly refuse based on moral virtue, even if it is to my detriment. This may appear to be stupid.
But personally, I am not particularly materialistic, so don't care so much about material loss, which perhaps a person who is less honest and less intelligent may be extremely upset over.

How does such a way affect romantic relationships.
Well, if both parties recognise this feature of how ASD affects me, and works within a framework that understands this, the sure, a relationship can work well. But i do understand that such partners are very rare.

How has having relationships with people who are NT who do not understand my neurological differences affect me?
Well, I believe that having relationships with NT woman who are dishonest and manipulative has damaged me a great deal, especially in my last relationship, which was with my ex-wife, who portrayed herself as pure as the driven snow, and as honest as the day is long, while in reality she couldn't have been further from the truth.

Such a relationship for such a person with this dynamic of ASD symptoms, is without a doubt going to damage the person with ASD. As constant inconsistencies in outcome which do not match what was to be expected results in nothing but an unreliable result for all outcomes. In simple language, dishonest people to the analytical Asperger end up being rejected due to their unreliability, especially if accompanied with psychological abuse and domestic violence (violent woman).

Although our disability is still fairly unrecognised as a disability. I do think that the ordeal I have been through with my ex-wife, was no short of abuse of someone with a disability, which i think isn't that far off child or animal abuse.

The only aspect of my circumstances that confuses the world as to whether what i have been subjected to is or is not abuse, is due to my IQ level. As for sure, if i also had an intellectual disability (if my IQ was lower than 75), then people would without a doubt have stepped in and got my ex-wife prosecuted. Or perhaps not, because I am a man, so have a penis rather than being a woman, and female genitals.

Perhaps one aspect of equality that woman aren't so keen at pushing for change in. The inequality in how the law is so keen to prosecute men but ignores any complaints from men who are psychologically or physically abused by abusive woman.

But that is perhaps another story that perhaps deserves its own thread, or perhaps best forgotten (leaving more men to suffer abuse at the hands of sadistic woman instead).

So yep, my point is, I think if you really wanted to get a grasp of the differences, a more in-depth study or survey would be needed, as like i mentioned early, if you have met one person with ASD, you have met just one person with ASD.
We are all different.

Interestingly enough, I did read about a mother and daughter who started up a dating site for people with Asperger syndrome, who included a psychological profile for each of their members.

Sadly, the site went down following the death of the husband of the mother, which must have had a massive impact on the mother and daughter, as the website stopped working and people got upset, as they got charged for services that they didn't get. Although this was due to the mother and daughter grieving and not done to cause intentional distress.

So, sadly, I can not refer you to this site.

Autism Research Centre in Cambridge UK, may have some articles or studies on this area.
The ARC is supposed to be one of the leading research centres in the world and who i believe are very open to reveal the findings of their research.

I define romantic love based on passion and a strong connection and it ideally should be at a distance. I don't feel there is a need for "two to become one", and ideally romantic love involving NDs should evolve without trying to merge views or social circles. It works much better if people remain themselves and nurture their passion and connection instead. I even think that much of the conflicts in neurodiverse relationships can be traced back to trying to control each other. Many NDs are very hostile to being controlled.

An emotional checklist with a rare connection.

I can't say that it's ever truly happened to me. It's always been dissolved by the illusion of infatuation. I'm sad about it but I'm not sure what I can do other than hope for the best.

Welp, I'm done being vulnerable for the day. Back to my regulatory scheduled programming.