19, turning 20, feeling like I wasted my teen years.

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Kathulhu
Butterfly
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Joined: 21 Dec 2020
Age: 20
Gender: Male
Posts: 16

29 Dec 2020, 7:26 am

Is this normal? I didn't do any of the stereotypical teenager stuff in media like going out with friends, dating and etc. I always chalked it up to hollywood hyping these things up and that it wasn't a realistic portrayal of teenagers but... People around me were going to parties, hanging out, getting girlfriends and I didn't do any of that. I stayed mostly at home and had a small group of "friends" who I barely talked with and only hanged out with due to the fear of being alone at school. I never got invited anywhere, didn't even have their contacts to begin with.

I honestly hate myself for not trying to meet new people in high school and sticking with the same group of people who clearly mocked and avoided me. I feel so detached from other people to begin with, and not having had a good time during my teenage years only makes me feel even more... detached. I also always wanted to do those things that are so romanticized as well, it's just that I was too insecure to meet new people. Did I genuinely waste my teen years? I recently got diagnosed with aspergers and it made me realise why I was the way I was and was unable to make the simplest of small talk. Aspergers and social anxiety make one hell of a pair.



TatjanaErika
Tufted Titmouse
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Joined: 16 Jun 2020
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30 Dec 2020, 2:43 pm

It's normal to have such feelings. I am one year older than you and last year, I have been thinking about this a lot. Just like you, I have had just one friend in high school, I never went to parties or had a boyfriend. I can tell you for sure that if you really want to experience those things, you are not late! You still have at least 5 years.
However, you should consider if it's really worth it. Are you sure you would enjoy parties as aspie? For me, the loud music and so many people in one small space would be unbearable. Even spending time with many people for more than three hours would be very tiring. I think that having a bf or gf also requires many social skills, much more than having friends. That's why I don't regret not having normal teenager life that much. I think that spending time pursuing something you really like or talking to a good friend is even more fun than parties.



Kathulhu
Butterfly
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Joined: 21 Dec 2020
Age: 20
Gender: Male
Posts: 16

04 Jan 2021, 9:09 am

TatjanaErika wrote:
It's normal to have such feelings. I am one year older than you and last year, I have been thinking about this a lot. Just like you, I have had just one friend in high school, I never went to parties or had a boyfriend. I can tell you for sure that if you really want to experience those things, you are not late! You still have at least 5 years.
However, you should consider if it's really worth it. Are you sure you would enjoy parties as aspie? For me, the loud music and so many people in one small space would be unbearable. Even spending time with many people for more than three hours would be very tiring. I think that having a bf or gf also requires many social skills, much more than having friends. That's why I don't regret not having normal teenager life that much. I think that spending time pursuing something you really like or talking to a good friend is even more fun than parties.


I do realise I'm still young till I hit my 30s, or if I want to go even a bit further, 35, but I feel like I should've done those things earlier y'know. It just feels like I'm way behind every other person my age as I did not have a fun time during my teen years, no fond memories to look back on with friends, no girlfriend and etc.

I probably wouldn't enjoy parties that much if I'm being honest with you, but it feels like something I should be going to. To either meet new people or to hang out with friends. Main problem tho is that I never got invited to any except one and it was a birthday party.



ValerieStrawberries
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Joined: 9 Mar 2021
Age: 20
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09 Mar 2021, 5:05 pm

I think TV and media in general has given all of us an unrealistic expectation on how our lives are suppose to be. I agree with you there. Also 30 is young, I know it may not seem young when you're a kid but I assure it is (to the person who posted 30s being old) I don't know, everyone's lives different, also you never know what that person is really going through.