Tired of feeling guilty for not wanting to be around nts.

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ChiefEspatier
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30 Dec 2020, 4:38 pm

I'm on the spectrum, so's my brother, two of my best friends, and one of my only friends at work.

I've been around plenty of nts and it perpetually feels like communicating in a 2nd language.

I want to speak in my first language.

I'm frustrated that when I tell people about this they assume I'm some supremacist. Not every autistic person is my friend and not every nt is my enemy. I'm simply a fan of the first language experience.

It's frustrating specifically as I've retreated from autism related groups/peoples. I live in a world of autistic people and I have no interest in leaving it. My social life isn't so much a concern, however I do wish more people, and specifically my potential future kids will get the same experience that I take for granted.

I'm frustrated because I feel like my "1st language" experience gets devalued or misunderstood.



starkid
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04 Jan 2021, 12:00 am

ChiefEspatier wrote:
I've been around plenty of nts and it perpetually feels like communicating in a 2nd language.

To me it seems even worse than that.

Quote:
I'm frustrated that when I tell people about this they assume I'm some supremacist.
Well, that's a problem with strongly social people...they tend to interpret things in terms of social hierarchy.

Quote:
I'm frustrated because I feel like my "1st language" experience gets devalued or misunderstood.

That seems inevitable given that so many people see autism entirely as a disorder and not so much as a legitimate way of being.



Benjamin the Donkey
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04 Jan 2021, 9:39 pm

Why feel guilty? Just avoid people who annoy you, at least as much as possible. People who don't like cats don't feel guilty about it; they just don't live with cats.


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Pepe
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05 Jan 2021, 5:13 am

ChiefEspatier wrote:
I'm on the spectrum, so's my brother, two of my best friends, and one of my only friends at work.

I've been around plenty of nts and it perpetually feels like communicating in a 2nd language.

I want to speak in my first language.

I'm frustrated that when I tell people about this they assume I'm some supremacist. Not every autistic person is my friend and not every nt is my enemy. I'm simply a fan of the first language experience.

It's frustrating specifically as I've retreated from autism related groups/peoples. I live in a world of autistic people and I have no interest in leaving it. My social life isn't so much a concern, however I do wish more people, and specifically my potential future kids will get the same experience that I take for granted.

I'm frustrated because I feel like my "1st language" experience gets devalued or misunderstood.


I pretty much ignore the entire NT RL world. 8)


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"A stranger is a friend gang-stalker you haven't met yet."

Truth may be inconvenient but it is never politically incorrect...The Oracle of Truth has spoken...8)


THERE WILL BE NO COUP IN AMERICA!


Juliette
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05 Jan 2021, 5:59 am

A word from Shakespeare ... “To thine own self be true”. This is your life, and you can choose to live by your own rules. Some of us choose to keep the status quo running as smoothly as possible, living in the world of people can be difficult enough. One rule of thumb that helps is to treat others, as you’d like to be treated.

There are ways of politely excusing yourself from social gatherings, and turning down offers to hang out etc. People can take it better, if you make it clear it’s nothing personal. That you’re just someone who needs alot more “me time” at the end of the day.



blazingstar
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05 Jan 2021, 6:21 am

I remember having vague feelings of guilt when I began dis-engaging from the wider world of NTs. It doesn’t bother me anymore. As others have pointed out, becoming true to myself was and still is an amazing choice.


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kraftiekortie
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05 Jan 2021, 6:24 am

As long as you’re not nasty to NTs just because they’re NTs.

They can’t help being born that way; just like we can’t help being born autistic.

One can eschew the society of people without being nasty to them.

Definitely not saying you’re a “supremacist.”

Neither NTs nor autistic people are a monolithic group.



Pepe
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05 Jan 2021, 7:31 am

Juliette wrote:
A word from Shakespeare ... “To thine own self be true”. This is your life, and you can choose to live by your own rules. Some of us choose to keep the status quo running as smoothly as possible, living in the world of people can be difficult enough. One rule of thumb that helps is to treat others, as you’d like to be treated.


But, most strangers don't want me to give then a back-rub. 8O


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Laughter is the best medicine. Age-appropriate behaviour is an arbitrary NT social construct.
Don't tell me white lies. Gaslight me at your peril. Don't give me your bad attitude.
If I'm so bad, pass me by. ;)


And one more thing,


"A stranger is a friend gang-stalker you haven't met yet."

Truth may be inconvenient but it is never politically incorrect...The Oracle of Truth has spoken...8)


THERE WILL BE NO COUP IN AMERICA!


Pepe
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05 Jan 2021, 8:09 am

kraftiekortie wrote:
As long as you’re not nasty to NTs just because they’re NTs.

They can’t help being born that way; just like we can’t help being born autistic.

One can eschew the society of people without being nasty to them.

Definitely not saying you’re a “supremacist.”

Neither NTs nor autistic people are a monolithic group.


I agreed.
You can't condemn all Germans for what happened in WWII.
You can't condemn all the gangs-stalkers, errr, well actually you can, I think. :scratch:

You can't ignore all the suffering that so many auties have had to endure, under the ignorant and toxic NT dominated social system that incorporates institutionalised gang-stalking.

There is only so much humiliation we are prepared to endure.
If we choose to isolate ourselves, it is our right.
Is "contemptible" too strong a word to apply to those who invalidate our point of view?


_________________
Laughter is the best medicine. Age-appropriate behaviour is an arbitrary NT social construct.
Don't tell me white lies. Gaslight me at your peril. Don't give me your bad attitude.
If I'm so bad, pass me by. ;)


And one more thing,


"A stranger is a friend gang-stalker you haven't met yet."

Truth may be inconvenient but it is never politically incorrect...The Oracle of Truth has spoken...8)


THERE WILL BE NO COUP IN AMERICA!


kraftiekortie
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05 Jan 2021, 8:16 am

You can’t ascribe the mores and actions of a whole society to one person who happens to be a mainstream member of that society through “guilt by association.”

That’s akin to believing all Germans were Nazis during the Third Reich.

I like to give people the benefit of the doubt.



KT67
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05 Jan 2021, 8:36 am

Outside of work/family, unless you're the kind of (usually NT) person who desperately needs a lot of friends, the older you get, the more you can be picky.

Don't write off all NTs but there's definitely a kind of NT who doesn't work well with a kind of aspie as a friend/partner.

Trouble is we're taught to be picky about partners, not friends. Mostly because that personality type can exist among some people where they need a whole lot of people. It's bad for them to be too picky, sure, but for some of us, it's definitely a case of quality over quantity. Some of us don't even need friends! (Do be polite to acquaintances and nice to family, though, but that doesn't seem like a problem in your OP)



theprisoner
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13 Jan 2021, 1:29 pm

People are people so why should it be you and Nt's should get along so awfully.


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madbutnotmad
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13 Jan 2021, 1:35 pm

To ChiefEspatier

As long as your not hurting anyone
do what makes you happy

Personally I think most people in life eventually become more selective about who they hang out with.
I think it quite a natural progression.

Be happy!

btw Think Juliette also gives good advice here too, along with the many others.



HeroOfHyrule
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13 Jan 2021, 1:45 pm

I felt guilty when I first started talking to a lot of autistic people and realized that I liked doing so 10x more than being surrounded by NTs.

My entire life I've been told there's something "wrong" with the way I naturally think and behave, and that I don't get along with NTs because I just don't want to, so I felt guilty for not wanting to be around them as much since I felt like I wasn't putting effort into "bettering" myself and acting more like how I "should".

Now I just try to remind myself that most NT people wouldn't want to surround themselves with autistic people, and if it's acceptable for them to find it uncomfortable to be surrounded by people like us then I should find it acceptable to let myself surround myself with people who are like me and who I get along with better.


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Spunge42
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13 Jan 2021, 2:18 pm

Pepe wrote:
You can't condemn all the gangs-stalkers, errr, well actually you can, I think. :scratch:

You can't ignore all the suffering that so many auties have had to endure, under the ignorant and toxic NT dominated social system that incorporates institutionalised gang-stalking.


Can you explain what gang stalking is? The first time I saw the phrase was on here. I looked it up, but there are so many differing definitions and ideas of what it is. I've seen it mentioned many times but still don't completely understand what it is. So I guess can you explain what it means to you or how you experienced it?

Sorry, if it's not something you want to elaborate on, I totally understand.



CockneyRebel
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13 Jan 2021, 9:31 pm

I don't feel guilty about it at all. I hang around people that I feel comfortable with.


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