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SilverProteus
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22 Jul 2007, 11:00 am

Izaak wrote:
NT's aren't all that understanding or tolerant of difference. However I have noticed they have an enormous capacity for understanding once they know you. This "acting" is merely undertaking to asuage the knee jerk 'OMG WTF' reaction of most NT's on being confronted with difference.


Sometimes I think that most Nt's don't even imagine that difference exsits in the world. I'm not generalising, obviously there are many with a good amount of knowlegde on the subject, but I fell that even if you are the stereotypical aspie, and show it, they will still want and expect you to act like them in every aspect of your life. Many of the aspie traits are considered to be undesireable. If you don't make enough eye-contact it's because you're shifty, dishonest and untrustworthy. Try getting a decent job while carrying those labels! Sticking to a few closer friends who know and tolerate aspie behavior better is far easier than trying to fit into the rest of the world. And if that wasn't enough, you're blamed for not wanting to interact socially!

Sorry for the rant, it's just I've had a few experiences which stuck me as extremely unfair in the not too distant past.



Greentea
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22 Jul 2007, 11:47 am

LOL Icarus, you're nice :D


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Icarus_Falling
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23 Jul 2007, 12:41 am

Greentea wrote:
LOL Icarus, you're nice :D

Thank you, Greentea; I am flattered. But, I'm really not all that nice; really. I don't like most people; in fact, I like very few... But, I still like you. And you really haven't done much to dissuade me from this notion, despite my dare. I actually like you MORE now than before (see what you've done? :wink: ).

What is it that you think is, in long-run, is so unlikable about you? You're one of my best friends here, now. And, you seem perfectly charming to me... Who are these fools that do not like you in the long run?

Good fortune,

- Icarus


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Last edited by Icarus_Falling on 23 Jul 2007, 2:18 pm, edited 5 times in total.

Icarus_Falling
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23 Jul 2007, 1:02 am

SilverProteus wrote:
[Sometimes I think that most Nt's don't even imagine that difference exsits in the world.

You're absolutely right. To most, there's "normal" (them), and "abnormal" (everything else, e.g. us). I've been accused of being "not normal", more than once. And when I ask, "Why? What is this "normal" of which you speak of?", the answers have been sadly inadequate. "Well, normal is 'just like me', and what I've come to expect.". What? I'm not what you're used to, a bit different, so, I'm abnormal? In a derogatory sense? Well, I suppose that's not an innacurate characterization, technically speaking... But, isn't that a narrow-minded, self-centered view of things? I'm "abnormal" because I'm not "just like you"? In your own terms, then, you're abnormal to me. How's them apples, eh?

Freaking humans.

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Pugly
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23 Jul 2007, 1:14 am

NT's appear to acquire traits of those around them... accumulating it and regurgitating it back to each other. In a way NT's all act like one mass consciousness... so it's very easy for them to relate with other "normals."

When something different comes along it's very difficult for them to acclimate... and it's just easier to shrug something off as abnormal.


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23 Jul 2007, 1:40 am

i love putting on an act! i love that my "default" personality is flat and boring by NT standards. i get to design my own "character", as it were, for general social interaction (although a lot of my aspie traits work through it). since i have to make a concious effort to act correctly, i'm a lot more aware of other people's reactions to the way i act and i can modify them accordingly. i can also have personality variations for different social circumstances.



woodsman25
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23 Jul 2007, 3:26 pm

ya, im very different at home vs. at work vs chillin with ppl, i read ya loud and clear ^



Space
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23 Jul 2007, 11:33 pm

Pugly wrote:
So this is something that those with AS do to interact in the 'NT' world, and I don't do it. I don't think I even truly understand it.

I always just act like myself... I don't change my behavior for anyone. I may change my behavior when I know more about the situation, for instance if something I have done is rude... I don't want to be rude... and if it is a reasonable request I change. But I'll always do this from this point forward... it's a part of my character now.

I could chalk this up to not being forced to act "proper" growing up. I don't have much recollection of being told specifically how to act around people... I just "act" as myself.

The very idea of putting on a show... makes me uncomfortable... it's tantamount to lying. This works to my benefit... since while people may not always like the way I act... those who really know me understand that what I put forward is always the real me.

For those of you who do put on an act... is it basically going against the grain of your very nature? Saying things you don't want to say? Expressing interest in something you don't like... just for someone else's benefit?

That would drive me nuts. If you actually are able to do it, that's commendable. I am impressed.

I don't put on an act really. I try to adjust my words when in certain situations, because I don't want to be rude, or disrupt conversations because of AS traits. My friends all know that I am crazy (but in a good way), and they don't seem to care. They are fairly abnormal too for the most part, so they don't judge me too harshly. The so called "normal" NT people I see on the street, on campus, etc. I don't know how I could ever get along with them. The best option if you have AS is to find a strange group of friends, as they will likely be more accepting of you.



nb411
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25 Jul 2007, 5:31 am

NT's actually are just very good actors, and they do it constantly. Very, very few of them show their "true" face for a long time after you get to know them. At least in my experience. A pretty obvious and clear example is at work, where a person wants a promotion. They adapt their behaviour and will do things deliberately that go against who they are in order to achieve (hopefully) a desired goal. So a group of co-workers goes out for lunch with the boss. They are all trying to impress him (it's a him in this case, see I'm not sexist) and he wants a Crown lager with his meal and he for whatever reason respects people who enjoy the same beer and gets all excited about it asking everyone if they want a crown.

The truth is that he really does not care what other people's preferences are, he is just saying have a crown with me or I will be offended. What a person chooses to do in such a situation is very individual. I imagine there would be both AS and NT people would both go with the flow or against it. However, the more socially accepted behaviour in the situation is to have a drink with your boss, and it should be a crown, because he's excited :P The distinction with ASD is that we try less often to fit in and do the accepted behaviour due to both or a combination of ignorance and apathy. So maybe AS people sometimes act in order to get along, but NT's act too. If you stripped away their outer false layer they would be very similar to us. Well they are. Anyways, I'll end it there before I ramble on too much. :)



Greentea
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25 Jul 2007, 1:02 pm

nb411, so true! Brilliantly said.


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25 Jul 2007, 4:17 pm

nb411 wrote:
NT's actually are just very good actors, and they do it constantly. Very, very few of them show their "true" face for a long time after you get to know them.


This has long been my conception. In fact, if you want to see the process in action, observe children in, say, 3rd grade, and then reevaluate them in 5th grade. Where once you would see children acting fairly impulsively and directly, you would now see kids regulating their behavior much more acutely.

People learn social roles in order to fit in, and, more importantly, to get people to do what they want. In a social species such as ours, this ability is powerful. Acting out these roles serves as a kind of screening test to determine how normal a person is. If they do and say expected things, others will trust them, as they're not worried about the person doing something unpredictable.



Brittany2907
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25 Jul 2007, 11:55 pm

I don't "put on a act" when around others.

I find it difficult and it makes me stressed, always having to think about what to say, what not to say, how to eat, how to greet people etc. Even if I try and "act" like "everyone else", it still fails to work, and in the end, I always say something that offends, or is innapropriate without knowing, which completely demolishes my "act".

Because of all of that, I just act how I feel comfortable. If people don't like me, thats their problem, and I shouldn't waste any of my energy speaking to them.


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Cyanide
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26 Jul 2007, 2:24 pm

I only "put on an act" if I think it'll benefit me somehow....which is rare.



MrSinister
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29 Jul 2007, 8:20 am

Sometimes I feel like I'm pantomiming others' actions, and there are frequent occasions when I've absorbed somebody else's mannerisms or phrases quite without even realising it until after the fact.


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29 Jul 2007, 4:34 pm

Pugly wrote:
For those of you who do put on an act... is it basically going against the grain of your very nature? Saying things you don't want to say? Expressing interest in something you don't like... just for someone else's benefit?

That would drive me nuts. If you actually are able to do it, that's commendable. I am impressed.


I've tried doing this, but it doesn't work.

I get very irritated, bored, frustrated and confused. When I put on an act, I end up failing at connecting with the other people anyways, and I leave the social event isolated, self-loathing, envious of others and more miserable than when I arrived there..



MichaelMols
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29 Jul 2007, 7:48 pm

I have tried both being myself and putting up an act. If I put up an act i tend not to say very much at all and give off the impression of being an introvert loner. When I act myself I am far too honest, blunt and loud; particularly after a beer. Fortunately I have a small number of friends who dont judge me and are a bit immature and so are ok when i act myself. The problem is ehat to do when meeting new people, especially the opposite sex.