Page 1 of 4 [ 56 posts ]  Go to page 1, 2, 3, 4  Next

hurtloam
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 27 Mar 2011
Gender: Female
Posts: 8,743
Location: Eyjafjallajökull

17 Jan 2021, 10:08 am

Interesting article about spinsters.


Quote:
And yet the original spinsters were a not-unrespectable class of tradespeople. The term came into existence in the mid-1300s to describe those who spun thread and yarn, a low-income job that was one of the few available to lower-status, unmarried women. Most still lived in the family home, where their financial contributions were no doubt greatly appreciated. The term bore no stigma and was used almost as a surname, like Smith or Mason or Taylor.

Spinsterhood was accompanied by unusual legal and economic freedoms. The feudal law of couverture invested men with absolute power over their wives, and the “feme sole”, or unmarried woman, was the only category of female legally entitled to own and sell possessions, sign contracts, represent herself in court, or retain wages. It wasn’t until the late 18th century that people began to despise the spinster and that was largely thanks to the poets, playwrights and other trendsetters of the time, who turned her into one of the most pitiable creatures in literature and, by extension, society.


Bloomin poets and playwrites.


https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2021/jan/17/why-are-increasing-numbers-of-women-choosing-to-be-single



Purpopcorn
Butterfly
Butterfly

Joined: 14 Dec 2016
Age: 42
Gender: Female
Posts: 17

30 Jan 2021, 8:05 pm

Yes, I am a spinster. After some terrible relationships, I realized I am happier and safer on my own. When I was younger, this was one of my biggest fears. But now, it doesn't bother me.



Sweetleaf
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 6 Jan 2011
Age: 34
Gender: Female
Posts: 34,440
Location: Somewhere in Colorado

30 Jan 2021, 8:39 pm

No, I really like being in a relationship...I mean even when I was a bit younger I thought it would be really nice to just be in a close relationship with someone where we're not embarrassed or putting on a front to impress the other, like just a genuine ' we love each other' relationship and I feel I have found that, even though we do have some conflicts. I mean I see nothing wrong with a woman who doesn't want a LTR, different strokes for different folks but I cannot say I would like that very much.


_________________
We won't go back.


Lunella
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 2 Mar 2016
Age: 33
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,067
Location: Yorkshire, UK

30 Jan 2021, 10:09 pm

I used to be for years, but I found it really lonely after a while. I used to work and work in really fast paced technial job roles, it became my life to pursue a network/ISP career. When I got there I was absolutely miserable. I'd go home to an empty apartment in an expensive city centre, go out with friends all the time etc. But it just felt lonely.

These days I have a husband who is also autistic but a mechanical engineer and we have a business together, it's much more fun. Plus we get each other on the autism level so it's much easier to understand each other I found, never a dull moment either, usually hilarious things happen.

I think it all depends on finding someone who matches your brain, who has been through very similar stuff but is also an empathetic and compassionate person.


_________________
The term Aspergers is no longer officially used in the UK - it is now regarded as High Functioning Autism.


hurtloam
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 27 Mar 2011
Gender: Female
Posts: 8,743
Location: Eyjafjallajökull

31 Jan 2021, 6:21 am

Sweetleaf wrote:
No, I really like being in a relationship...I mean even when I was a bit younger I thought it would be really nice to just be in a close relationship with someone where we're not embarrassed or putting on a front to impress the other, like just a genuine ' we love each other' relationship and I feel I have found that, even though we do have some conflicts. I mean I see nothing wrong with a woman who doesn't want a LTR, different strokes for different folks but I cannot say I would like that very much.


I'm laughing. You think us spinsters choose to be the rejects no one wants? I didn't choose to be alone. No one wanted me. A lot of us just have to learn to be content with the cards we were played.

Granted you do get women who never wanted to be in an LTR and shouldn't be pressured to be in one or be made to feel pitied.

My point was that spinster wasn't a shameful word in the past. She was an skilled woman who made her own money.

It's a complicated subject. Don't pity me, but don't assume I chose this, but don't make people who chose this feel lesser. So many facets.



Last edited by hurtloam on 31 Jan 2021, 6:25 am, edited 2 times in total.

hurtloam
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 27 Mar 2011
Gender: Female
Posts: 8,743
Location: Eyjafjallajökull

31 Jan 2021, 6:22 am

Lunella wrote:

I think it all depends on finding someone who matches your brain, who has been through very similar stuff but is also an empathetic and compassionate person.


I completely agree. Difficult to find though.



ezbzbfcg2
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 15 Feb 2013
Age: 41
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,936
Location: New Jersey, USA

31 Jan 2021, 6:27 am

A memory was jogged from a few years back.

I remember a moderator getting all huffy and disingenuous when I used the term spinster to refer to unmarried women past a certain age. She tried to argue that it only referred to people who spin wool. Okay...

I think she later moved from Canada to England to be with a much younger man and left WP. GOOD RIDDANCE!



hurtloam
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 27 Mar 2011
Gender: Female
Posts: 8,743
Location: Eyjafjallajökull

31 Jan 2021, 6:30 am

Now I know about the wool thing I like it better as a word. Sounds less like Miss Havershome covered in spiders webs and more like a busy woman happily working away. I like crafting you see.



Purpopcorn
Butterfly
Butterfly

Joined: 14 Dec 2016
Age: 42
Gender: Female
Posts: 17

31 Jan 2021, 11:42 am

If I had met someone wonderful, I would have been married by now. And in all honesty, if I do meet him in the future, I will probably get married.

But, some people never get their "second half" and that's okay. For me, I feel like there is no need to wallow in misery. You can have a very full and happy life without being married. It doesn't stop anyone from traveling, writing great novels, contributing to society or even running countries. Look at all the fantastic women, and men, that never married throughout history.



dragonsanddemons
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 19 Mar 2011
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 6,659
Location: The Labyrinth of Leviathan

31 Jan 2021, 2:56 pm

I’m probably too young to be called one yet, if I’m interpreting it correctly. First time I’ve ever really known the term to be used in any sense besides “someone who spins (yarn),” I could be mistaken.

I highly doubt I will ever be in a romantic relationship at all, let alone married. I don’t seem to be capable of connecting to anyone on that level or feeling anything like “romantic love” (at least, I haven’t experienced it yet). I also find that I am highly unsuited to living with others, for various reasons, I absolutely need my own space. Can’t imagine ever feeling comfortable sleeping in the same bed as anyone else.


_________________
Yet in my new wildness and freedom I almost welcome the bitterness of alienage. For although nepenthe has calmed me, I know always that I am an outsider; a stranger in this century and among those who are still men.
-H. P. Lovecraft, "The Outsider"


kraftiekortie
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 4 Feb 2014
Gender: Male
Posts: 87,510
Location: Queens, NYC

31 Jan 2021, 3:13 pm

It’s a word which insults women.

Men who remain single throughout life are called “confirmed bachelors.”



MaxE
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 2 Sep 2013
Gender: Male
Posts: 5,224
Location: Mid-Atlantic US

31 Jan 2021, 3:17 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
It’s a word which insults women.

Men who remain single throughout life are called “confirmed bachelors.”

That was actually a code word for gay men.


_________________
My WP story


kraftiekortie
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 4 Feb 2014
Gender: Male
Posts: 87,510
Location: Queens, NYC

31 Jan 2021, 3:19 pm

It was. True.

But straight men were called that, too.



Peta
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

User avatar

Joined: 31 Aug 2019
Age: 30
Gender: Female
Posts: 172
Location: Pixie Hollow

03 Feb 2021, 10:28 pm

My a bit young for called spinster



Alterity
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 7 Feb 2019
Age: 36
Gender: Female
Posts: 627
Location: New England

04 Feb 2021, 12:01 am

Indeed. I've reached the decision(I guess?) to lean into it, as it really may be for the best.

The disparagement of spinsters has a lot to do with classicism and sexism. Women were/are expected to do X (marry by a certain age in this case) and those that didn't or were unable to were going against that. I think we all know what happens to those that don't 'conform' or fit the norm.

There have always been various reasons for spinterhood, but none are necessarily bad - an insult to the woman. Even when it's where no one has wanted you. It's not our fault others fail to see our worth, and magic and know how to value it.


_________________
"Inside the heart of each and every one of us there is a longing to be understood by someone who really cares. When a person is understood, he or she can put up with almost anything in the world."


IsabellaLinton
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 1 Nov 2017
Gender: Female
Posts: 67,988
Location: Chez Quis

04 Feb 2021, 1:46 am

Sure I am. I'm successful and independent, and I don't depend on anyone to support me. It's my choice that I'll never get married again. That doesn't mean I won't date, fall in love, or have fun in other ways.

The misogynists who characterise unwed women as ugly and undesirable need to give their heads a shake. Believe it or not we can be beautiful, smart, sexy, and talented without having a spouse of either gender to define us.