Need an opinion on a paragraph

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r00tb33r
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24 Jan 2021, 5:18 am

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Even if our interactions were marred by misunderstandings, that doesn't mean that "correction" would have resulted in a different outcome. Misunderstandings happen between people normally, the difference is the ability to handle them and whether or not the misunderstandings can even be ironed out. I mentioned this before, but your condition itself ultimately doesn't really matter to me. It sounds mean and blunt, but my perspective is that it's you and your doctor's responsibility to figure out ways to manage yourself, and our job to figure out how to interact successfully. Obviously this is still a WIP, but that's how I see the long-term.


What's your take on this?



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24 Jan 2021, 10:18 am

r00tb33r wrote:
Quote:
Even if our interactions were marred by misunderstandings, that doesn't mean that "correction" would have resulted in a different outcome. Misunderstandings happen between people normally, the difference is the ability to handle them and whether or not the misunderstandings can even be ironed out. I mentioned this before, but your condition itself ultimately doesn't really matter to me. It sounds mean and blunt, but my perspective is that it's you and your doctor's responsibility to figure out ways to manage yourself, and our job to figure out how to interact successfully. Obviously this is still a WIP, but that's how I see the long-term.


What's your take on this?


It looks like you’re having issues with your significant other.

I know it can be difficult for us Aspies, but what I always try to do is be as gentle with my significant other as possible.

Sometimes I miss the context in things, which can create misunderstandings - so whenever I am listening to her, I try to take in everything she says and think about it from multiple angles, that way I can understand everything she is saying.

To me, the whole point of being in a relationship is love - otherwise I wouldn’t be in one.

So being gentle, sitting down with her, reminding her you love her and listening carefully are all things I try to do.



naturalplastic
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24 Jan 2021, 10:48 am

They call themselves "we". So it must be a communication from a company, or a business entity.

I assume that its addressed to you, and you and they, had some kind of disaster resulting from a communication break down.

They maybe right in saying that some things are their responsibility, and not others. But thats kinda unprofessional to say "we dont care about such and such ...". I would have said maybe the same thing, but a different way. Like "managing your condition is up to and your doctors, and our job is to help carry out what you and your doctors decide to do", or whatever.

But I am only guessing at the context of the paragraph in question.



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24 Jan 2021, 11:28 am

naturalplastic wrote:
They call themselves "we". So it must be a communication from a company, or a business entity.

I assume that its addressed to you, and you and they, had some kind of disaster resulting from a communication break down.

They maybe right in saying that some things are their responsibility, and not others. But thats kinda unprofessional to say "we dont care about such and such ...". I would have said maybe the same thing, but a different way. Like "managing your condition is up to and your doctors, and our job is to help carry out what you and your doctors decide to do", or whatever.

But I am only guessing at the context of the paragraph in question.


The paragraph seems a bit detailed and not very professional-sounding to be a company or business.

This is also a forum specifically about love and dating - so unless he’s having a romantic relationship with a company or business - I don’t think that’s the nature of the message. :mrgreen: :lol: :lmao:

The “we” in the message I think refers to r00tb33r’s significant other and his doctor.

It seems to be addressed by r00tb33r’s significant other and details some kind of misunderstanding between them that needs to be worked out.



r00tb33r
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24 Jan 2021, 11:01 pm

"Our" refers to me and her. I don't have a doctor, and that's part of our problem at the moment.

She's not my SO but a longtime interest that returned into my life and I'm now having trouble self-regulating emotions and have waves of panic attacks (anxiety). There are not many specialists around where I live that diagnose autism in adults so there is a lot of frustration in that regard because the instability of my mood (no anger), has turned our pleasant relationship into a drag, and I'm having trouble getting help in a timely manner. I am entirely upfront with her regarding needing help, and having requested the appointments, one place did not return my repeated calls for weeks, another place also did not return my calls but my persistence finally landed me on the waiting list. In short, I don't know when I will get help, but hopefully soon. When I was alone, meaning completely alone, no friends, not one, I had easier time self-regulating as life was simple from the emotional standpoint. With her back, I need help, because it's a relationship I want to preserve and continue developing.

I wanted an opinion on the tone and the attitude of the paragraph she wrote. We both have our problems, but to me it came across a little heartless, and I wonder if others think that as well.



kraftiekortie
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24 Jan 2021, 11:30 pm

It sounds too business-like—but it sounds like she might care about you, too.



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24 Jan 2021, 11:45 pm

She sounds like maybe a female aspie?

I would focus on the positive in her statement if you have the desire to improve your relationship with her. She is talking about a wip and long term results which means to me that she wants to work with you to create a better relationship moving forward. I cannot determine based on the info if that is a friendship only or what.
Do you take enough time being alone to decompress and process life as much as is needed? You seem like you are getting overwhelmed by the amount of time you are spending with her.



r00tb33r
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25 Jan 2021, 12:07 am

beady wrote:
She sounds like maybe a female aspie?

I would focus on the positive in her statement if you have the desire to improve your relationship with her. She is talking about a wip and long term results which means to me that she wants to work with you to create a better relationship moving forward. I cannot determine based on the info if that is a friendship only or what.
Do you take enough time being alone to decompress and process life as much as is needed? You seem like you are getting overwhelmed by the amount of time you are spending with her.


While she doesn't believe she's pegged to either side of the spectrum, we do not have a reason to believe she's autistic. She recycled a few of my words as it was an ongoing conversation and it was a reply. So if you think there's autism peeking through, it could be traces of mine.

I've known her since high school, she was never loose with language, but she did turn a bit into an ice queen in recent years, her life wasn't bad, but she had her share of frustrating social experiences. She's a little rough with people and that's something we're working on. We both have our issues, but we are also mature enough to keep working through them.
She does a lot of business communication, a lot of project management type work, so there's that too.

There is no label on our relationship and I'd like to keep it that way, I don't want us having rigid boundaries as she is an interest to me, but we are not dating yet.

I'm not really giving myself much recovery time, and we have been moving a bit quick. Relative to me not having anyone at all, it is obviously infinitely faster than anything that came before. I also moved recently, and I haven't really been doing any activities that would promote my recovery. I'm not weak, but there are a lot of things going on.



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25 Jan 2021, 12:47 am

kraftiekortie wrote:
It sounds too business-like—but it sounds like she might care about you, too.


She does, but it seems to depend on the day. While talking about my condition and the progress I made I mentioned that I pulled a lot of my knowledge from Tony Attwood's guide to AS, and she picked up the book without even telling me. She did abandon it after reading the first chapter though, but she said she might resume reading again.

After a difficult conversation I felt terrible, was panicking, and started crying (I cry because I can't be a "normal" person), she sent me a picture of fresh scones she just baked, because she said she thought it would make me feel better. That was certainly a nice act. I cried harder, naturally.



kraftiekortie
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25 Jan 2021, 7:44 am

She’s trying, at least!

Most people don’t even try.

I hope she treats you with respect always.



r00tb33r
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26 Jan 2021, 4:18 am

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CockneyRebel
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29 Jan 2021, 12:59 am

r00tb33r wrote:
Quote:
Even if our interactions were marred by misunderstandings, that doesn't mean that "correction" would have resulted in a different outcome. Misunderstandings happen between people normally, the difference is the ability to handle them and whether or not the misunderstandings can even be ironed out. I mentioned this before, but your condition itself ultimately doesn't really matter to me. It sounds mean and blunt, but my perspective is that it's you and your doctor's responsibility to figure out ways to manage yourself, and our job to figure out how to interact successfully. Obviously this is still a WIP, but that's how I see the long-term.


What's your take on this?


I think that paragraph is well written. It gets straight to the point, which I like. It doesn't seem hurtful to me. I think that people should work with their doctors to better manage themselves instead of relying on their partners to help them. This is a very good paragraph all around.


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beady
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01 Feb 2021, 12:02 am

r00tb33r wrote:
beady wrote:
She sounds like maybe a female aspie?

I would focus on the positive in her statement if you have the desire to improve your relationship with her. She is talking about a wip and long term results which means to me that she wants to work with you to create a better relationship moving forward. I cannot determine based on the info if that is a friendship only or what.
Do you take enough time being alone to decompress and process life as much as is needed? You seem like you are getting overwhelmed by the amount of time you are spending with her.


While she doesn't believe she's pegged to either side of the spectrum, we do not have a reason to believe she's autistic. She recycled a few of my words as it was an ongoing conversation and it was a reply. So if you think there's autism peeking through, it could be traces of mine.

I've known her since high school, she was never loose with language, but she did turn a bit into an ice queen in recent years, her life wasn't bad, but she had her share of frustrating social experiences. She's a little rough with people and that's something we're working on. We both have our issues, but we are also mature enough to keep working through them.
She does a lot of business communication, a lot of project management type work, so there's that too.

There is no label on our relationship and I'd like to keep it that way, I don't want us having rigid boundaries as she is an interest to me, but we are not dating yet.

I'm not really giving myself much recovery time, and we have been moving a bit quick. Relative to me not having anyone at all, it is obviously infinitely faster than anything that came before. I also moved recently, and I haven't really been doing any activities that would promote my recovery. I'm not weak, but there are a lot of things going on.



Just wanted to be sure you didn’t believe it was “weak” to need time to yourself.
It took me a long time to realize my needs and then a long time to take control of my life and to live it how I need and want it to be.
Some times it felt like I was stuck in a speeding car taking me in a direction I had not chosen - which may not always be a totally bad thing. Now, however, it feels infinitely better to take control. Be sure to take care of yourself :).



r00tb33r
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01 Feb 2021, 2:40 pm

She doesn't speak to me anymore. She got too frustrated with me. I misunderstood her figures of speech a couple of times and panicked. She said I was "about to throw her off the cliff" and she wanted "to finish off" our conversation. How is that benign?

How do you reconcile with a person who doesn't speak with you?



that1weirdgrrrl
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01 Feb 2021, 6:11 pm

r00tb33r wrote:
She doesn't speak to me anymore. She got too frustrated with me. I misunderstood her figures of speech a couple of times and panicked. She said I was "about to throw her off the cliff" and she wanted "to finish off" our conversation. How is that benign?

How do you reconcile with a person who doesn't speak with you?


When I'm in that situation, I give the other person time to cool off (don't try to approach them too soon).

When I do approach, I try to be as pleasant as possible and not have expectations....

Something like, "Hi, how have you been lately?"

And if they don't respond, just leave them alone. Definitely don't confront them about a lack of reply...


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02 Feb 2021, 12:14 am

r00tb33r wrote:
She doesn't speak to me anymore. She got too frustrated with me. I misunderstood her figures of speech a couple of times and panicked. She said I was "about to throw her off the cliff" and she wanted "to finish off" our conversation. How is that benign?

How do you reconcile with a person who doesn't speak with you?



Sorry to hear about the misunderstandings. I don’t quite understand what she means but it would help if the statements were in their original context.
I’ve found myself in the situation where I thought I understood what was being said only to later realize I had missed the intended meaning completely. I don’t know how to rescue oneself from the ensuing mess. We can’t rewind and do it differently and even if we could I think I’d be rewinding more than living.
Sorry if that is a big, rambly, useless answer.