"Pretentious" when you're not

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Is being called pretentious when you're just doing normal stuff you happen to enjoy a common thing for HFA people?

Technically pretentious = putting on airs and graces or showing off for the sake of it.

I don't do that. But I'm honest about things I enjoy.

And people call me pretentious for that.

Just for enjoying things like the theatre or post modern literature or James Joyce or whatever.

I've been accused of being "pretentious" before, usually because of the vocabulary I use. Kids used to make fun of me because I used words they didn't, since a bigger vocabulary helps me make up for the communication deficits I have and makes things easier for me to understand as it's more descriptive.

I've also been told the way I type makes (online) friends uncomfortable and makes me seem intimidating, because they don't usually use proper grammar and syntax while texting, so I stopped doing that. After I broke up with my partner I started typing properly though because my current friend doesn't mind it and he was the main one preventing me from doing it.

When I see someone using the words "pretentious" or "preachy" that signals me to avoid them. They tend to be unsophisticated people or worse, cynical jerks. I'm sure there are people that use those words who don't fit those categories but in my experience they're in the minority.

In my experience people who call others "pretentious", especially autistic people, are really judgmental and complain a lot. Ironically, they are pretentious so I avoid them. Whenever that gets thrown around I immediately lose interest in talking to that person.

I probably sound pretentious when I talk about certain things. There isn't really any way to acknowledge that you know more about something than most people or that you're interested in something most people don't know about without sounding pretentious.

I do have quite a formal way of talking a lot of the time, but I don't think I've ever been called pretentious. I'm certainly not egotistical! I try my best to avoid having a large, boastful ego as that can lead to many bad things. I feel sorry for those who have been called pretentious.

KT hit the nail on the head.

Very few autistic people "put on airs."

A pretentious person is almost always a snob who tries to seem "elegant" or some such thing.

I mean I want to be elegant, and people generally say I am... but I don't try and flaunt my elegance.

That means you're not pretentious.

A pretentious person TRIES to be elegant---but only succeeds in seeming pretentious because the person overdoes it, and uses it against other people.

i have been to art college
I have been to music college, studying an extremely technical subject (sound engineering)
around art, music and acting students...
I have worked in IT for a number of years...
I live on an island which has one primary area of employment, Finance....
I used to drink coffee in a local bohemian coffee shop...

Well. I believe if any thing (intentionally written to be ... pretentious) I am over qualified at spotting pretentiousness

At Art college, people went out their way to be "different", outrageous and intentionally strange...

At Sound Tech college, most the students intentionally used overly complicated technical jargon to describe very simple tasks, intentionally to alienate the audience in attempt to make them think their sound engineer is so clever...

Anyone ever been around student actors?.... lol... in fact, entertainment industry people full stop!! !

then there is the finance industry, the suits who are so important that we are lucky to even be able to stand on the same world as them, that's how important they are... and what for.... because they push numbers, usually doing the same tedious job, day in and day out for years and years and years. but they do were smart suits, so they must be important...

IT department is usually not too different, but add the tech jargon to the suits.... and that's what you get/..

As for the hipsters and cool cats from the down town coffee shop, that is oh so exclusive and the place to be...
well.... i think that says it all....

I now make my own coffee, save my money and my head space....

As for others calling names you should ask them why they say what they do
if they don't have a reason
then they will look what they are


stupid...

What about the 'quirky' internet people. The 'not like OTHER girls' people? Do they count?

I'm an old man LOL....I know nothing about this sort of Internet thing.

Call me "OK Boomer," if you want!

It could depend on a few things

1. Maybe your tone of voice and body language is off-putting
2. Maybe you say things that other people find upsetting

I took an astronomy class for beginners, which a lot of students were struggling with. When it came to passing the first exam, I boasted to the professor that this is a part of science that seems to click for me. Then when I walked away, another classmate, who I had seemed to connect with, lost her interest in me and said, "She's so stuck up." I never meant to come across as stuck up, I was just excited because I like astronomy.

People can be insecure and may not have been exposed to the things you talk about. When they hear you talking about those things, they can't relate. Yet, they are too proud to admit that, so they accuse you of these things.

It's OK! I'll link you to a couple of videos so you can see what I mean.
Here's a video with some examples. (And don't worry if you don't understand them.): link
And here's an explanation of the phenomenon: link
Hope that helps

I think I probably come across as pretentious sometimes when I've argued/debated people online. I've been so immersed in an 'educated culture' that frowns on grammar and spelling errors that I don't even think about whether it comes across as pretentious to people who don't value that sort of thing. I can imagine that it is possible for this to have been taken as a challenge to someone I may have responded to on Facebook, and in response to the perceived challenge they start making more overt digs at me and I had no idea why. (I have found myself in a situation a few times before where people have responded to me that way and I thought "that was nit-picky and uncalled for, what the heck was that about?")

Also, as a grown up, I no longer find it appealing to start condescending arguments with people online where the gist of each person's response goes something like this:

A: You're wrong and stupid.
B: I'm not
A: Yes, you are.
B: No, I'm not.
A: FFS (shows evidence)
B: Okay, maybe I was wrong about that thing, but I'm not stupid.
A: No, you are both wrong AND stupid.
B: (snarkily) I know you are but what am I!
A: You dumb.
B: I know you are but what am I!

When it concerns less normative topics, if I see someone "being wrong on the Internet" nowadays, my intention is to try to be as unassuming and charitable as possible about their intelligence and intentions while giving them information that contradicts the wrong claim they made. Being open with them about the fact that nobody has 100% information on the problem at hand, and that we can come to more and less reasonable tentative conclusions. Emphasizing the fact that "we're in this life together and we should cooperate", and not acting competitively like I'm better than someone for having a more correct answer, tends to produce the best outcome, in my (although very limited) personal experience.

Yeah but it's offline too.

Online arguments is something I need to learn to stay away from. I've put calendar reminders not to get embroiled in one on Valentine's week.