You can't win arguments with women?

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I got into an argument with my partner. It went on all day and made us feel terrible.

Last night she wanted me to help her buy a baby fence on ebay. I often buy things on ebay because she doesn't have an ebay account.

She wants a fence to go around our bed because the baby keeps falling out. She bought a large and expensive cot that she refuses to use because the baby (who's favourite hobby is injuring herself) kept banging her head on the bars.

My friend, the mother of two girls said the cot needs padding. My partner refused to install padding because, reasons.

So for the past few months my bed has been used by Jane and the baby while I have to sleep in the guest bedroom.

A few days ago Jane awoke to the sound of baby falling out of the bed and onto its head. This isn't the first time this has happened. I had tried to warn Jane that it's dangerous to sleep with the baby. She can't watch the baby while she's sleeping. The baby often wakes up before Jane and she's learning to crawl.

Jane sees this bed perimeter fence on ebay. I think it's actually not a bad idea. She sends me a picture and tells me to buy it.

There's a few similar ones on ebay. One for $35, one for $37, etc. She says the $37 one is expensive. I buy the $35 one.

Now her English isn't so good. Not her fault, English is not her first language. She's good with nouns and verbs but not with the joining words that construct them into sentences.

Often when I'm doing something she'll say the verb for my activity in an angry voice and I'll say I'm already doing that thing. Later she'll say she was telling to stop. The verb alone doesn't convey stop. E.g. I could be hanging out the clothes and she'll say "you hang out the clothes" then she gets frustrated when I didn't understand she meant stop hanging out the clothes.

Now when she said "the $37 one is expensive, I thought she meant too expensive. Lately she's been pushing me towards economy, telling me to buy less Pepsi and less Google Nest speakers, etc.

The morning after she sends me an angry Facebook message saying I bought the wrong one and that when she said "that one is expensive" she meant she wanted me to buy the expensive one.

I told her I misunderstood and she became furious. She said the reason I misunderstood was because I'm impatient.

I told her that to avoid misunderstandings in the future she should create her own ebay account. She told me she already has one but she never uses it because she doesn't want to type in her credit card number. She said the RFID chip in her credit card is broken. I tried to explain to her that ebay depends only on the credit number. It will still work if the card itself is physically damaged.

After a day of arguing the borders came home. A young couple. The man told me quitely that you can't win arguments with women. This got me thinking.

I've heard this phrase before. Aside from the phrase sounding a little misogynist, it seems kind of one sided. Should I just capitulate without a word in my own defence?

I know how my partner would answer that question. She'd say yes without a moments hesitation. She has some old fashioned ideas about gender roles. She likes to say women are the weaker sex yet in some ways she's remarkably strong.

She likes to say "We shouldn't argue" after she's said her side of the argument.

Is it true that men can't win arguments against women? So should men let women win arguments all the time? Or is that misogynist and reducing women to the status of children?

No. If a man is right, a man is right. If a woman is right, a woman is right.

It’ll make you look ridiculous if you give in all the time.

Goes against what I heard which is 'if you want to win an argument with a man, plant enough hints until he's convinced it's his idea'.

Both seem pretty sexist to me.

If the fence doesn't work out, have you considered just putting the mattress on the floor? Then it's not too far for baby to fall. Of course you might not have room to safely store the rest of the bed while you're not using it. Or you could all sleep in the bed so you two are bumpers to stop the baby rolling out. That's what we do but we won a big bed in a competition so there's enough room for us all. You're not supposed to put padding in cots because it might cause the baby to suffocate, apparently the risk of death is much higher. Hope you guys are OK now.

Also RetroGamer87,

Your baby girl needs to be in a crib - that’s the safest place for her to be.

In terms of whether you can win an argument with a woman or not - keep in mind that this particular woman is supposed to be your Soul Mate - this isn’t about men and women - because you are both two parts of the same whole.

Sit her down, kiss her - and communicate to her gently that you love her and that you want to be able to work together on important life decisions.

I guess it’s a Chinese cultural thing for a baby to sleep with the mother.

In practical reality, a crib is best, especially for a baby who can’t climb yet. It guarantees against baby falling out of bed.

Then again, maybe a mattress on the floor might not be a bad idea.

I used to sleep with only a mattress on the floor. I did okay. The only problem is superficial aesthetics.

You can’t have a baby falling off the bed all the time. It’s not good for the baby (to say the least).

I’m not blaming anybody. But one has to think practically.

That's really rubbish RetroGamer87 . Do you want to stay with her because you want to or just because you think you have too? Perhaps if she struggles so much to make herself understood she can't think of a better way to actually discuss things. Is there any way you could do some couples councelling to help you learn to communicate in a way you both can manage? Or could she even go for some English lessons (or you could have lessons in Chinese depending on how well you know it already)?


As for sleeping: We didn't let out daughter sleep in our bed until she was a bit older, forgotten what age they said was less dangerous now though. She did a lot of head-banging in the cot too and ended up with quite a few bruises on her legs but that's probably better than regularly falling off a bed. I also found a mattress on the floor to be quite comfy.

If she uses separation as blackmail, I might eventually call her bluff.