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TatjanaErika
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02 Feb 2021, 3:15 pm

It seems to me that generally people think that only males can get obsessive about a crush and become a stalker. Well, I used to be a proof that it's not true.. I don't know if this has something to do with aspergers or I am just stupid, but when I was a teen, I absolutely didn't understand boundaries and when I am making another person feeling uncomfortable. I have never been one of those girls who fancy boys, think about them a lot and want to have a boyfriend. I have had just two crushes till now but both were so intense and overwhelming and in addition to my lack of social skills and my lack of understanding other people's emotions they made me do things I deeply regret now. When I was 13, I used to wait for one boy every day in front of my school. During the classes, I used to stare at him and try to talk to him all the time. Other children were laughing at me and that boy didn't show any attention to me, but I just didn't get it. He moved to another town two months later and everyone, even myself forgot about my weird behavior. I wish someone explained me back than how creepy that was, because I still had no idea. When I was 18, I met my second crush. He ran into me at the school corridor so my books fell down and he helped me to collect them. Fully meaningless things, but since this is a popular motive in romantic movies, I was persuaded that he likes me and doesn't tell me just because he is shy. So I decided to ,,help him" a little bit and started to behave like with the first boy. My crush was reserved to me but still nice and didn't tell me to stop, so I thought he enjoys my attention. I started to tell everyone he was my boyfriend, I wanted to introduce him to my parents and once I even recherched his address and went to see his house. :!: I swear I still thought that this is normal and it's supposed to be so. But again, that boy graduated, moved to another city and started to ignore my messages so again no consequences for me. One day, two years later, my mom was talking about being stalked by a boy when she was a teenager. And then I realized - I used to be a stalker!! Of course I felt terribly ashamed and guilty for disturbing those people. I don't know what to do now. I was thinking about reconnecting with them just to apologize but I feel I would make the things just worse. I don't think that they would understand that someone can be so stupid. I really can't forgive myself for being so insensitive and rude.
Have you ever been guilty of stalking? Did you apologize to the people you stalked? And how do you cope with guilt and remorse? :(



r00tb33r
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Joined: 28 May 2016
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02 Feb 2021, 4:03 pm

Yes. I feel terrible, but also don't see myself being any other way. I apologized and am currently trying to repair that relationship many years later.



Joe90
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02 Feb 2021, 8:05 pm

When I was 14 I was utterly obsessed with this 30-year-old guy who lived in my town. At the time I believed I loved him, but looking back I don't think I ever got close enough to know what he actually looked like. It was just a fantasy obsession. But at the time, I was absolutely besotted with him. I couldn't stop talking about him, and I ended up stalking him to get as much information about him as I possibly could. I secretly took pictures of him and even followed him around a couple of times. I did know what I was doing though, but I just had these impulsive urges to stalk him. He was the focus of my whole life; I even put him before my school grades and my friends. I was just so obsessed. I drew pictures of him and wrote fictional stories about him, and I put them all in a special book that I told nobody to touch.

And to cut a long story short, I nearly got myself into trouble with the police, because he did have a wife and a baby. :oops: :oops: :oops: :oops: (Luckily my parents backed me up).
He actually thought I was after his baby and didn't seem to pick up on the fact that it was just a crush on him. His wife threatened to beat me up too. And despite all that, I was still obsessed and didn't grow out of the obsession until I was 17, when I left school and had branched out. I was very happy and relieved and I never looked back.


I never got to apologize, and I won't now because I live in a different area and I'm just getting on with my life like he's getting on with his life. I think he's on Facebook but I'm not going to search for him and message him saying "sorry for what I did 16 years ago." :lol: If anything it'd probably just weird him out. I just don't want to be involved with him ever again.


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HeroOfHyrule
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02 Feb 2021, 8:26 pm

When I was in my early teens I got crushes on people and borderline stalked them since I had a really bad sense of boundaries and very limited social experience. I don't think anyone usually noticed besides my friends because I was relatively reserved with what I did (I didn't stare at them 24/7, go to their house, or try to contact them via social media or anything), but it still makes me cringe so damn hard now. One dude did notice and got physically aggressive with me, which made me stop and I didn't do anything like that again. I also had a couple other female friends with autistic-traits who did things like that because they also hadn't developed a proper sense of boundaries yet.


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rdos
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03 Feb 2021, 4:25 am

This is pretty normal behavior for NDs. Just try to do it only when there is mutual interest.