Can you switch your empathy on and off?

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I seem to be able to.

I am careful of when I choose (if it can be called that) to do so AND what I do when I choose to do so.

I have my lines, I generally don’t really seek out people to cause issues. But if they cause me major issues (like with the morons who had the shooting in my apartment building, see post history) then I find a way to deal with it that protects me and I really don’t care about them. Them is whoever caused me major issues.

One thing that almost always switches my empathy off is if I tell someone to leave me alone or get away from me, and they don’t. Or they otherwise don’t respect my boundaries (which I can be direct with at times).

Sometimes (not often) if I feel maybe a person does not understand that their behavior is weird I will try and tell them.

But I don’t indulge behavior that pushes my boundaries from anyone extensively.

Or they sexually assault me (I don’t wish to talk about this much in this thread). Then it does not matter, I think that person is utter garbage and I don’t give a crap how sad their life was or any mental issues they do or do not have.

Basically, I am interested to hear from other people diagnosed with ASD about their experiences. I ask that no try and tell me what my diagnosis is at all.

What I will say though is that it’s not human to have endless compassion/empathy/whatever, and I think people who claim to have that have a lot of issues (regardless of if their compassion/empathy is actually endless).

I can't really "switch" my empathy "on/off". I think it's normal to have limits with people and to not be particularly sympathetic towards them when they have messed with you. I do have issues not empathizing with people who have hurt me, but I am often guilt tripped really easily by others. There still have been times where I'm so stressed out and irritated that I don't really care about upsetting someone though.

I couldn't at least half the time.

I try my best to turn it off. Like, at all.

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In my experience most NTs have what you'd call "selective empathy", where they are able to switch their empathy (if any) on and off. I, however, find it hard to switch my empathy off and I find it overwhelming at times.

I find it difficult to switch off my empathy.

I think empathy is involuntary. Either you can intuit what other people are feeling, or you can't.

I often feel empathy for people I'm not fond of, because it's involuntary. I can understand their feelings even though I may not have sympathy for them in the given situation.

I don't have a separate switch for that, but I'm sure that it is normal for empathy to come and go in people. If we think of someone as "family" it is on, and for others, it is off. Our "family" feelings may include some large groups, or not. If we don't want someone in our life, we don't much care what happens to them. People make a tremendous fuss over their pets, while feeding them on other animals that were just as keen to be pets, but never got adopted, just left in the slaughter line.

I've spent quite a lot of time thinking about my own empathy and my feeling is that I have little 'natural' empathy for others. This is based on lots of things but most obviously when I was growing up and people (and pets) in my life have died. I'm talking about close people, familiy members, and I have felt almost nothing and wondered why the other people around me are so upset. Also there have been instances where people around me have needed medical attention, i.e. I have to take them to A&E, and my first feeling is not concern for them but irritation that I have to change my own plans. I know this is not nice, but I can't deny it either.

What I do also believe though is that I have learned a sort of intellectual empathy to compensate for the emotional one that seems to be absent. I think this is like the way the body and the brain compensates for missing senses or biomechanical issues by creating new neural pathways or strenghtening alternative muscles. I needed to have some sort of empathy to be an acceptable person to this society, so I built one.

Can I switch it on and off? Yes I can, but I don't like myself much when its off.

I can't switch empathy on and off. I don't feel much (sometimes wonder if I can feel any) empathy for others. Sympathy, I can do that. Sometimes I know when empathy would be an appropriate thing to be feeling, and I can adjust my behavior/speech accordingly.

There are times I think I would like to be able to feel empathy for others. Maybe I would think of my self as something like human, not a robot or whatever. It makes me wonder what's wrong with me. Other times I think empathy sounds like a curse, going around feeling miserable every time someone else feels miserable.

Interesting question.

I’m more sympathetic than empathetic if I haven’t experienced something I SHOULD be empathetic for.


There are times when I don’t SEEM empathetic, since I feel like advocating distraction is sometimes better than dwelling upon a situation. I’ve received flak for not being empathetic enough.

In my experience, dwelling upon the lousy past is invariably harmful. Rather than letting the past reinforce the bad in one’s present, I feel one should use the past as a learning experience, and evolve from the past.

In some circles, this opinion does not seem like an empathetic one (and maybe it isn’t). But do believe harping on something like past bullying when you’re get getting bullied in the present; or a lack of romance when young when there’s romance in the present, is absolutely useless and counterproductive.

What I just said could be correctly construed as simplistic—but I believe it can serve as a basis for giving advice. Afterwards, I would tailor my advice to the individual situation, modifying it if necessary.

The level of empathy I feel various a lot.

I think that sometimes it depends how relaxed I am - if I am tired and stressed its less likely. At other times if the cues and clues that I usually need to piece together to figure out where someone else is coming from aren't obvious to me then its unlikely to happen.

I cant control the process by an act of will though.

While I can easily empathize with someone over the suffering they experience, if that person lashes out at me, then I can almost feel all empathy for them dissolve and fade away.

I once lived in a co-op.  A new member came on-board.  She had a drug problem.  One day, I caught her trying to steal my property.  She physically attacked me, and I had to pay out-of-pocket for subsequent medical care.  After several similar incidents involving other members, a vote was taken -- should we let her stay or turn her out?  The vote was split 50/50 until I cast the deciding vote, and she was evicted.

Had she simply apologized for trying to steal my property, she might have stayed a little while longer.