I am fed up with their drama

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Pepe
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22 Feb 2021, 7:58 pm

Rexi wrote:
Pepe wrote:

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Desiderata
Go placidly amid the noise and the haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even to the dull and the ignorant; they too have their story. Avoid loud and aggressive persons; they are vexatious to the spirit. If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain or bitter, for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself. Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time. Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals, and everywhere life is full of heroism. Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is as perennial as the grass. Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth. Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness. Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should. Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be. And whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace in your soul. With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.[3]

Max Ehrmann, 1948

Please, God, not the Desiderata again. Why..

Not all loud extrovert people are toxic. Extroverts feel positive while more social and loud while introverts frel worse, only extroverts can fake it til they make it.


You are not an "aggressive person" and you are not "vexatious to the spirit". ;)
There is nothing wrong with being an extrovert. 8)



Rexi
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23 Feb 2021, 11:54 am

Sylkat wrote:
I don’t believe the categorization of introvert vs. extrovert is what the Desiderata is referring to.
The phrase is ‘loud and aggressive ‘.
The initial post refers to 2 people who deliberately manipulate and use and hurt people, and drag others into drama that they have deliberately created, for attention.
I do not believe that people like that will change, and I hope that they will be avoided.

I know what you mean, but loud is separate. If we replaced it with silent, the thing still stands. Aggression isn't always loud.
Loudness cannot be used in that sentence fairly.

There are words used excessively and wrongly: placidly, noise, silence, quietly, loud that leans towards if you're anything else than silent and calm you are bad and must be avoided. This is quite clearly bigotry even if it wasn't intended by the writer. It's a bit of a fallacy, don't you think? It's a hasty generalization.

The piece is also dated, nowadays we have studies on extroverts, social people and loud people. Not to mention some people on the spectrum speak loudly and are anxious and react\act in ways that may come across sharp and unfit for the situations and places.


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Summer_Twilight
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23 Feb 2021, 1:25 pm

Sylkat wrote:
Is there some reason that you are not breaking off your relationship with these people?



I broke it off with both of them and especially the autistic woman child, as she picked a fight with me in Oct before going to her parents and accusing me of "Harassing her." So her mother got involved and told me to leave them alone or they would take legal action against me rather getting my side of the story. I am still angry with them but I know enough to leave them alone because her parents sound like they are opportunists. Not only that, she threatened to destroy my reputation.

I have not even been in contact with this person, rather, she contacted a friend of mine in a FB messenger over the weekend and told him not to be friends with me because she made me out to be someone who controls other people and that I harass them. He then forwarded the message onto me which it upset me. We shared the message with another friend of mine who is a leader of an autism self-advocacy group that this immature autistic woman had been a part of. She got herself banned for trying to start more trouble. As I also said, she was clueless as to why she got in trouble. In fact, she contacted him out of the blue.

Meanwhile, I forwarded the message to her parents and also told them they accuse me of the things their daughter is guilty of and I have no more desire to be with her, period.



Sylkat
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23 Feb 2021, 5:10 pm

I am so glad for your decision!
You are doing the right thing.
She or they are destructive and toxic.
You deserve a good life, and good people in it.
Now I rather feel sorry for her parents, though;
Sounds like she has them fooled into seeing her as a helpless victim.
You did the right thing by sending them proof of her behavior.


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Rexi
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24 Feb 2021, 12:50 am

Summer_Twilight wrote:
Sylkat wrote:
Is there some reason that you are not breaking off your relationship with these people?



I broke it off with both of them and especially the autistic woman child, as she picked a fight with me in Oct before going to her parents and accusing me of "Harassing her." So her mother got involved and told me to leave them alone or they would take legal action against me rather getting my side of the story. I am still angry with them but I know enough to leave them alone because her parents sound like they are opportunists. Not only that, she threatened to destroy my reputation.

I have not even been in contact with this person, rather, she contacted a friend of mine in a FB messenger over the weekend and told him not to be friends with me because she made me out to be someone who controls other people and that I harass them. He then forwarded the message onto me which it upset me. We shared the message with another friend of mine who is a leader of an autism self-advocacy group that this immature autistic woman had been a part of. She got herself banned for trying to start more trouble. As I also said, she was clueless as to why she got in trouble. In fact, she contacted him out of the blue.

Meanwhile, I forwarded the message to her parents and also told them they accuse me of the things their daughter is guilty of and I have no more desire to be with her, period.

You are very brave and smart, Im surprised the way you reacted to the whole thing. I suppose they tried to intimidate you by threatening with the law but you weren't intimidated because you know you're not in the wrong.


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24 Feb 2021, 5:53 am

Some things I've been thinking about lately: why would only children, toxics and narcs be allowed\accepted to enjoy the benefits of being loud, bold, excited, proud.


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Pepe
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24 Feb 2021, 6:00 am

Rexi wrote:
Some things I've been thinking about lately: why would only children, toxics and narcs be allowed\accepted to enjoy the benefits of being loud, bold, excited, proud.


I am LOUD! , bold, excited :bounce: and proud 8) on the inside. :wink:



Summer_Twilight
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24 Feb 2021, 12:30 pm

Sylkat wrote:
I am so glad for your decision!
You are doing the right thing.
She or they are destructive and toxic.
You deserve a good life, and good people in it.
Now I rather feel sorry for her parents, though;
Sounds like she has them fooled into seeing her as a helpless victim.
You did the right thing by sending them proof of her behavior.




Actually, I had talked to her mother some years back one time and she revealed to me that her daughter is extremely abusive to her when things don't go her way. It sounds like she has even destroyed her property. Yet, her mother does not know how to create the right circuit breaker with her. Now it sounds like they have some mitigation as she is working with some trained professionals.


On the other hand, her parents are very protective of her and do seem like they feel sorry for her because she is autistic. All three of them have this attitude that everyone is out to get them all the time too. Therefore they are always causing trouble.

As for the autistic woman child, it's never enough for her. When one situation ends, she finds something else to complain about regarding the lack of services in her life.

For example, "I need to get this therapy but I can't afford it and I can't get this or that because of this or that reason." Or "The problem is." I even offered to help her find some free alternatives but all she did was complain about that and accuse me of trying to tell her how to live her life.



Sylkat
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24 Feb 2021, 5:05 pm

You made the right decision.
You cannot help her.
She wants attention, not help.
Her parents are victims as well, but willing victims.
You cannot change or help them, either.
If they get a professional, that is the only person who has a CHANCE of being listened to.
You have a right to a good, calm life, you do not need abuse and manipulation.
Stick with your decision.
Block her from your online groups.
You deserve good people for friends.


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Summer_Twilight
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26 Feb 2021, 11:44 am

I used to hang out with toxic people all the time and was pretty immune it but when I started getting away from those people, I noticed a difference. I feel sick every time I associate with someone who is toxic like that.

As for this woman child, she is extremely controlling. My other friends told me that she has attempted to control an autism support group they are a part of. They said she attempted to get them to do things "Her way." When they said, "No," it sounds like she threw one of her tantrums.



Summer_Twilight
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16 Mar 2021, 5:39 pm

Update:

That autistic woman child contacted my friend again today and pretty much twisted things again. She and her parents are not owning up to anything. Instead, they are looking at it as "Harassment," while also insisting that I am this "Dangerous person." They are also going to a local autism center and complaining about me the personnel there. However, I know staff and I happened to tell them my side of the story.



Earthbound_Alien
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17 Mar 2021, 3:55 am

Summer_Twilight wrote:
Sylkat wrote:
I am so glad for your decision!
You are doing the right thing.
She or they are destructive and toxic.
You deserve a good life, and good people in it.
Now I rather feel sorry for her parents, though;
Sounds like she has them fooled into seeing her as a helpless victim.
You did the right thing by sending them proof of her behavior.




Actually, I had talked to her mother some years back one time and she revealed to me that her daughter is extremely abusive to her when things don't go her way. It sounds like she has even destroyed her property. Yet, her mother does not know how to create the right circuit breaker with her. Now it sounds like they have some mitigation as she is working with some trained professionals.


On the other hand, her parents are very protective of her and do seem like they feel sorry for her because she is autistic. All three of them have this attitude that everyone is out to get them all the time too. Therefore they are always causing trouble.

As for the autistic woman child, it's never enough for her. When one situation ends, she finds something else to complain about regarding the lack of services in her life.

For example, "I need to get this therapy but I can't afford it and I can't get this or that because of this or that reason." Or "The problem is." I even offered to help her find some free alternatives but all she did was complain about that and accuse me of trying to tell her how to live her life.


Would she prefer to be more independent and do these things for herself?
Does she like certain things a certain way because of her autism?
Does she have any physical health issues that can be problematic and limit how and when she is able to do things?
Did she ask for your help or did you offer it?
Does she just want to vent because of frustration and simply needs and understanding ear to listen to her?

Whatever the issues are I hope they get sorted out.



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17 Mar 2021, 5:14 am

Summer_Twilight wrote:
Nope, I never provided services for either of them. Actually, one of them is a man and the other is a woman. However, they ate immature and co-dependent on their parents.


The woman always seems to play tie victim card.
1. She can’t do this or that because due to this or that related disability related to autism


Maybe her autism really does restrict her capabilities in those ways. Perhaps she does not want to do whatever it is and does not know how to assertively communicate that. Autism does come with social communication issues. Perhaps she is feeling pressured and the pressure is stressing her out?

Quote:

3. Everything is always “The problem is this or that.”


Could she be trying to explain things to people rather than creating problems perse? Could it be a communication issue?

Ie

"I'd love to go swimming on friday but the problem is that I have another appointment I must attend at the same time and can't do it"

Instead of

"I'd love to go swimming on friday but unfortunately I have another appointment I must attend at the same time and can't do it"

When you use the word problem, people tend to fixate on it and it can change the meaning of the communication as a result.

Autism comes with social communication problems.

Quote:
4. Finds a way to make it about her


Autism comes with social communication differences.

Quote:

I tried like to give her some suggestions which she always made excuses for. I also told her to stop complaining only to be told that I am going “The bad guy.”


Maybe only give suggestions if she actually asks you for them?



Summer_Twilight
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17 Mar 2021, 11:36 am

Earthbound_Alien

No, she does have a problem with these things but she has the tends to ruminate on her problems all the time. She also tends to be very controlling and wants everything her way. Meanwhile, her parents are opportunists and they find any type of situation and make a mountain out of a mole hill.



Sylkat
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17 Mar 2021, 6:41 pm

You need and deserve to move forward with YOUR life.
If they choose to be miserable and make others feel that way, that is their choice.


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Mona Pereth
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18 Mar 2021, 12:00 pm

Summer_Twilight wrote:
I recently got fed up with their drama a few months ago and even told them how I felt. However, all they want to do was blame me for things and twist th :x e things around. They both snitched on me to their parents, who got involved and told me to leave them alone or take legal action against me.

Though I thought it had died down, the autistic woman had the nerve to contact a good friend of mine and say nasty things about me and make it look like I am this controlling person and a rotten friend.

Yikes! I hope they didn't succeed in turning your friend against you.


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