Single and Childless not by Choice
22 Feb 2021, 9:10 am
Blue Thunder wrote:
Thank you all for your feedback! I’m starting to poke around on the Love and Dating forum here on wrong planet and I see some good info. there. I just thought of a single lady I ran into just today I have known for years who is very nice. I’ve always been nervous about how to get to know her better. If anyone has tips about how to further a friendship with the opposite gender feel free to share. I don’t mind asking about such things at age 39. Maybe I’m just a very late bloomer, by nearly 30 years!
The secret to conversations is to ASK QUESTIONS. Sometimes people wish to share their lives with others and will open up if they are asked the right questions. And then it is just a matter of listening.
_________________
Author of Practical Preparations for a Coronavirus Pandemic.
A very unique plan. As Dr. Paul Thompson wrote, "This is the very best paper on the virus I have ever seen."
22 Feb 2021, 9:30 am
jimmy m wrote:
BeaArthur wrote:
jimmy m wrote:
One of the positive attributes of Aspies is:
A relationship with someone who has Aspergers tends to be free from bias and discrimination based on race, gender, age or other differences. They judge people based on their behavior not the color of their skin, socioeconomic status or political influence.
A relationship with someone who has Aspergers tends to be free from bias and discrimination based on race, gender, age or other differences. They judge people based on their behavior not the color of their skin, socioeconomic status or political influence.
Source?
Several years ago, I scanned much of the literature on Asperger's Syndrome. One of the authors I relied upon was Tony Attwood. In his book "The Complete Guide to Asperger's Syndrome", he made the following observations:
Men with Asperger's syndrome are often less concerned about their partner's physique than other men, and also less concerned about age or cultural differences.
I have encountered plenty of people with autism who use appearance, age, culture, race to disqualify a mate, and who are highly opinionated. Attwood's book may be dated, and (if I'm not mistaken) is secondary research, not showing the original data or studies which would suggest less tendency to discriminate.
To the extent that a person with Asperger's/autism accepts outliers in a relationship, it's probably related to the fact that it's the best they can do.
Sorry if this offends anyone. I just found your statement likely untrue and certainly unhelpful.
_________________
A finger in every pie.
22 Feb 2021, 9:34 am
Blue Thunder wrote:
Thank you all for your feedback! I’m starting to poke around on the Love and Dating forum here on wrong planet and I see some good info. there. I just thought of a single lady I ran into just today I have known for years who is very nice. I’ve always been nervous about how to get to know her better. If anyone has tips about how to further a friendship with the opposite gender feel free to share. I don’t mind asking about such things at age 39. Maybe I’m just a very late bloomer, by nearly 30 years!
Use information from Love and Dating with caution. It's probably better now, but for a long time it was full of misogynistic and self-defeating recommendations.
Anyway, I wish you well. People with autism do couple. My autistic daughter made dating a "special interest" (norms, behaviors, expectations) and has now been in a committed relationship for several years.
_________________
A finger in every pie.
22 Feb 2021, 10:31 am
jimmy m wrote:
Blue Thunder wrote:
Thank you all for your feedback! I’m starting to poke around on the Love and Dating forum here on wrong planet and I see some good info. there. I just thought of a single lady I ran into just today I have known for years who is very nice. I’ve always been nervous about how to get to know her better. If anyone has tips about how to further a friendship with the opposite gender feel free to share. I don’t mind asking about such things at age 39. Maybe I’m just a very late bloomer, by nearly 30 years!
The secret to conversations is to ASK QUESTIONS. Sometimes people wish to share their lives with others and will open up if they are asked the right questions. And then it is just a matter of listening.
That it is, but make sure that the other person has the chance to ask you questions too if they want to, and make sure to answer them, preferably with about the same amount of detail as they answer to yours. I have this one aspie (officially diagnosed) friend who's always asking questions like an interrogation and I barely have a chance to ask anything back... though he's gotten better at having a conversation lately. The point is that just one person asking questions and the other just answering them isn't really a proper conversation, so avoid that situation.
Quote:
Use information from Love and Dating with caution. It's probably better now, but for a long time it was full of misogynistic and self-defeating recommendations.
I'd say that it is better than it was back when I joined, but it's by no means perfect and those problems still exist there so yes, use caution.
