Page 1 of 2 [ 18 posts ]  Go to page 1, 2  Next

chris1989
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

Joined: 2 Aug 2018
Gender: Male
Posts: 364
Location: Kent, UK

04 Mar 2021, 7:49 pm

I am totally aware that from 18 on-wards you are old enough to own a place of your own but I do feel like I'm one of those people who has remained in the homes of my parents (now divorced) since I was born and have remained comfortable about it even though for some people in the western culture it seems abnormal for 20 and 30 year olds to still be living at home with parents. The thing is I could move to so rented accommodation or something but a part of me thinks ''why do that anyway ? I'd rather not live in a flat with other people I don't know ?'' and I seem to think the house I'm living in right now is better than a small flat. I seem to think that since my mid 20s I've never been in the mindset of thinking ''I have to move out now'' as I seem to think other people of that age do. This is probably due to what I mentioned earlier, that it is my comfort zone that I've grown up with and that for some people like me with Aspergers moving out can be stressful, upsetting and spoil routines they've been used to for so long.



KT67
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 6 May 2019
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,807

04 Mar 2021, 8:07 pm

You have a right to be 'selfish' in your own life.

If neither your parents or you mind living at home, you are entitled to do that for the rest of your life.

Ignore social pressures that say otherwise. They're very historically & culturally dependent. And 'the times they are a-changing' anyway - most of my mum's friends' NT kids live at home into their 30s and 40s nowadays, something which wasn't the case for her friends themselves.

Some NTs enjoy living with people who aren't their parents. They find it fun. This is likely more affordable than living alone.

Some autistic people find this stressful to the point of breakdown. You shouldn't do that to yourself if you feel like that would be the case for you.

Between those two extremes are allistic and autistic people who don't really mind it either way or who like it most of the time but find their flat mate annoying sometimes or who dislike it but can put up with it while they save up for somewhere else cos it beats living at home.

Lots of my generation are boomerang kids. Bear in mind that millennials like all other generations are mostly NT.

I myself moved out at 32. Through my own voluntary choice rather than feeling forced out by age. I still live two streets away from my parents & see them every day.

One benefit of living in a different house & basically being able to do everything (please try and learn life skills if you possibly can - if you live at home then your parents will see you more as a grown up if you do that & if you move out then it's highly impractical to not know stuff) is that I'm having genuine quality time with my mum now. We meet up for walks or cups of tea. Rather than bumping into each other every 5 minutes but not spending quality time talking/catching up.

I like living alone but I couldn't stand living with flat mates.


_________________
Not actually a girl
He/him


Fireblossom
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 18 Jan 2017
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,887

05 Mar 2021, 10:14 am

It is, and not really a good one, but it doesn't sound to be your reason to not do so. If you're fine at your parents' place and they're fine with having you there then all's good.



Fnord
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 6 May 2008
Age: 64
Gender: Male
Posts: 48,882
Location: Stendec

05 Mar 2021, 10:21 am

While laziness is a reason, it is not a good one.


_________________
 Link to Official List of Trump's Atrocities 

45OFFICE = TRE45ON
Lock Him Up!


CollegeGirlAnon
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

User avatar

Joined: 9 Jan 2021
Age: 28
Gender: Female
Posts: 326
Location: USA

06 May 2021, 11:55 am

Fnord wrote:
While laziness is a reason, it is not a good one.


Thank you for saying that.


_________________
Apparently I am an INTJ-A Personality.

TriPM Score (Taken 05/22/2021):
103 out of 174 points (99th percentile)

ADHD & ASD diagnosis made in childhood.


nick007
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 4 May 2010
Age: 38
Gender: Male
Posts: 24,276
Location: was Louisiana but now Vermont in the police state called USA

09 May 2021, 11:37 pm

What one calls laziness, another might call it something very different. My mom accused me of not moving out cuz of laziness & she hoped that by making me uncomfortable & arguing & b!tching at me would motivate me to magically have a job & suddenly have my own place the very second I decided to actually try :roll: The thing is I was doing my very best to find a job but I was having no luck. My SSI was NOT enough for me to afford my own place, especially since half of it was going towards my health insurance & various medical expenses. I had NO real help with finding employment or qualifying for other types of programs & services. I was NOT living with her & dad cuz I loved living with them, I was stuck living with them due to me having NO other choice. Is choosing to live with your parents so you will not be living on the street, staying in a homeless shelter, serving jail time, or dead due to not having any other options, really be considered laziness :? I sure would NOT consider that laziness but lots of others believe it is :wall: I'm betting that most of the people who would call that laziness never had a major physical or mental disability or if they did they came from a wealth family that had connections & owned businesses.

OP, I agree with the others on here who said if you & your parents are OK with the arrangement, then there is no real problem with it. I do think it would be good for you to try & learn independent living skills & set some money on the side for an emergency or something but there is no pressing need to move out. However if your wanting a romantic relationship, there is a bit or a lot of stigma against guys who are still living with their parents. Some women see it as a sign of laziness & lacking motivation & others see it as a sign of the guy being a very dependent mamma's boy & women could worry that the guy will not pull his share of the weight with household chores or employment. That said it is getting more & more common for adult kids to keep living with their parents, at least here in the US anyways. The economy has been in the toilet since the millennium started. Things started to improve a little but they started going downhill again a few years ago & then took a major nosedive 1ce the pandemic hit.


_________________
"I don't have an anger problem, I have an idiot problem!"

~King Of The Hill


"Hear all, trust nothing"

~Ferengi Rule Of Acquisition #190
https://memory-alpha.fandom.com/wiki/Ru ... cquisition


Sweetleaf
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 6 Jan 2011
Age: 31
Gender: Female
Posts: 32,152
Location: Somewhere in Colorado

10 May 2021, 12:39 am

chris1989 wrote:
I am totally aware that from 18 on-wards you are old enough to own a place of your own but I do feel like I'm one of those people who has remained in the homes of my parents (now divorced) since I was born and have remained comfortable about it even though for some people in the western culture it seems abnormal for 20 and 30 year olds to still be living at home with parents. The thing is I could move to so rented accommodation or something but a part of me thinks ''why do that anyway ? I'd rather not live in a flat with other people I don't know ?'' and I seem to think the house I'm living in right now is better than a small flat. I seem to think that since my mid 20s I've never been in the mindset of thinking ''I have to move out now'' as I seem to think other people of that age do. This is probably due to what I mentioned earlier, that it is my comfort zone that I've grown up with and that for some people like me with Aspergers moving out can be stressful, upsetting and spoil routines they've been used to for so long.


Well if you are comfortable living at home with your parents, I don't see any issue. In my case I was not so comfortable with that...my parents got divorced so it ended up being my mom and her boyfriend I lived with, but yeah I did not like living with them so I wanted to get out. I suppose I may have felt differently if it felt comfortable to be at home living with my mom but it didn't. On one hand sure I got to be in a house but it was decidedly not my house even if an apartment is smaller at least I can set it up how I want and I do not have to hide all my cannabis stuff when I am not actively smoking in stealth mode with a 'poof' (toilet paper roll with some dryer sheets in it, to blow through to reduce the smell) to avoid pissing off my mom. Also well we get along better since I don't live there.


_________________
Fascism is a disease.


nick007
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 4 May 2010
Age: 38
Gender: Male
Posts: 24,276
Location: was Louisiana but now Vermont in the police state called USA

10 May 2021, 4:16 am

Sweetleaf wrote:
but yeah I did not like living with them so I wanted to get out. I suppose I may have felt differently if it felt comfortable to be at home living with my mom but it didn't. On one hand sure I got to be in a house but it was decidedly not my house even if an apartment is smaller at least I can set it up how I want and I do not have to hide all my cannabis stuff when I am not actively smoking in stealth mode with a 'poof' (toilet paper roll with some dryer sheets in it, to blow through to reduce the smell) to avoid pissing off my mom. Also well we get along better since I don't live there.
I know what you mean. My mom started going through my stuff when I was a teen cuz she thought I was on drugs or something even though I NEVER even tried using anything illegal so far in my life & I'm 38 & a half. I couldn't have porn either as a teen cuz we didn't have the net till after I graduated high-school & mom mighta found anything physical. Yet when I got caught going through my parents stuff when they came back home earlier than expected, you can bet my mom was p!ssed & I got punished. They had weed too, very luckily that was in a very different spot than the 1s I got caught snooping through. Maybe it's from before I was born but I hate double standards :ncool: When I was getting ready to move in with my current girlfriend, my parents actually asked me if I was moving in with her cuz I felt forced out of there :silent: Mom threatened to kick me out since I was a teen whenever I had a bad meltdown which was very often partly cuz of her regularly criticizing me & pressuring me about stuff, then when I FINALLY am moving out she suddenly cares if I feel I'm being forced out :roll: Me & mom get along a lot better since I moved away. Very thankfully my dad was a lot more laid back & he mostly only got mad at me when me & mom were fighting. As a kid I kinda wished my parents woulda got divorced so I coulda stayed with dad. Oh well at least me & mom have a much better relationship nowadays in small doses of each other. I mean I know she loves me & was worried about what would happen to me after her & dad died but her methods did NOT work for me. I sure was NOT easy to live with back then either though. We were a bad match for each other.


_________________
"I don't have an anger problem, I have an idiot problem!"

~King Of The Hill


"Hear all, trust nothing"

~Ferengi Rule Of Acquisition #190
https://memory-alpha.fandom.com/wiki/Ru ... cquisition


maycontainthunder
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 9 Mar 2020
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,587
Location: Watching the dog watching me

10 May 2021, 4:55 am

40 and still living with my parents and I know older people than me who are the same.

The cost of moving out rendered it utterly impossible for my to afford it on the wages I was getting when I had a job.


_________________
To start press any key. Where's the any key?

Note to all: My user ID doesn't mean I'm going to explode at you it just means that I may contain...a different kind of thunder.


nick007
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 4 May 2010
Age: 38
Gender: Male
Posts: 24,276
Location: was Louisiana but now Vermont in the police state called USA

10 May 2021, 2:45 pm

maycontainthunder wrote:
40 and still living with my parents and I know older people than me who are the same.

The cost of moving out rendered it utterly impossible for my to afford it on the wages I was getting when I had a job.
I what you mean. I was making just over the federal minimum wage when I was working. $8 is NOT enough for anyone to afford their own place & other living expenses even if they are working a bit of over-time.


_________________
"I don't have an anger problem, I have an idiot problem!"

~King Of The Hill


"Hear all, trust nothing"

~Ferengi Rule Of Acquisition #190
https://memory-alpha.fandom.com/wiki/Ru ... cquisition


Nades
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 8 Jan 2017
Age: 1930
Gender: Male
Posts: 658
Location: wales

15 May 2021, 12:27 pm

I live with my mother at the age of 30 but ironically I'm also the landlord of a few properties and started buying houses when I was 21. Back then I decided not to move into the house because I just didn't see the point. I'm happy living with my mother as I save a small fortune in living expenses but she also gets her own bills cut in half as we split them. It works for us both and has allowed her to cut back on the hours she works while I have someone I know I get along well with in the house too. It's not laziness that I failed to move out but rather stability and finances.

I might move out into one of my houses eventually but over the years I've hardwired into my head that houses are better off lived in by someone other than me. It's a weird mentality but I guess hasn't done me bad over the years other than the tenant that keeps feeding street rats in the kitchen that I'm having to deal with.



CockneyRebel
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 17 Jul 2004
Age: 46
Gender: Male
Posts: 104,840
Location: Canada in person, Germany in spirit

15 May 2021, 5:02 pm

Fear was my reason for not moving out. When I turned 31, I finally told myself that I was moving out by the end of the year and that's that. I moved into my apartment in the November of that year.


_________________
Peabody

Om Nom 2024

viewtopic.php?f=11&t=26&start=645


1stSauce
Sea Gull
Sea Gull

Joined: 11 Jun 2016
Age: 32
Gender: Male
Posts: 242

25 May 2021, 6:06 am

Can be.... but it's such a tired, lazy excuse that minimises people's circumstances.
I'm 32 and still live with my parents because I have a good relationship with them

The cost of living has gotten so astronomical that I'd be homeless in a week.



kraftiekortie
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 4 Feb 2014
Gender: Male
Posts: 75,832
Location: Queens, NYC

25 May 2021, 8:53 am

As long as they don't mind, why should you mind?

My mother and I didn't get along----so I moved out when I was 20. I'm 60 now, and would never go back, even if I was homeless.



And So It Goes
Pileated woodpecker
Pileated woodpecker

User avatar

Joined: 16 Oct 2019
Gender: Male
Posts: 179

25 May 2021, 9:01 am

If it wasn't for my pressuring, coercive stepdad, I'd have most likely lived under my mother's roof for a lot longer than I did.

I'm in my early 30's, and moved out in my early 20's, with barely any finances to my name. It had to take the present circumstances that started to occur back then for anything to happen.

Supported Housing said I was "capable enough" to not qualify for their support, (despite under disability benefits) and using a landlord under private rented accommodation is a tightrope walk over hungry crocodiles at the best of times, so in the end, I was put into council housing, something I hope to break free of soon.

The seismic changes were incredibly distressing for me, but in the end it has worked out for the better for myself, giving me that extra confidence and independence that I needed, but initially didn't know how to go about to achieve.

If you and your parents are personally happy under your current living circumstances (putting finances aside), why force yourself to change it if it doesn't benefit yourself? It ain't broke...


_________________
"Apparently people don't like the truth, but I do like it; I like it because it upsets a lot of people. If you show them enough times that their arguments are BS, then maybe just once, one of them will say, 'Oh! Wait a minute - I was wrong.' I live for that happening. Rare, I assure you." - Lemmy


BeaArthur
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 11 Aug 2015
Posts: 5,605

25 May 2021, 2:04 pm

Reasons why it makes sense to move out from parents' house include the following:
- growing in maturity, in terms of handling challenges on one's own. Example: an appliance needs repair.
- I don't believe people living with a parent will have much luck finding a romantic, marital, or sexual partner, as it is seem as a sign of dependence and immaturity.
- limits on your privacy
- limits on your parent(s)'s privacy
- limited opportunities to expand your social skills as you would in a shared rental
- frictions with the parents, as others have already mentioned; although you will have frictions with roommates, at least they are peers rather than superiors/authority/patron figures.
- eventually your parents are going to die, or want to retire. Or maybe be free to travel, or remarry. You need to be able to function independently.

Reasons it makes sense to stay in parents' housing:
- Save up money for a car, university tuition, or down payment on your own house
- The parent may actually need YOU to care for THEM
- You're from a culture where extended family is just one big happy family and get along pretty well
- You had a baby too young and now are trying to get a career going so you can eventually move out

I think "parents have a swimming pool" or "I have a much better standard of living with parents" are kind of poor reasons to stay, because ultimately, you're going to be an adult or even the older generation. It's probably easier to mature into an adult role at 30 than it is at 60.


_________________
A finger in every pie.