HeroOfHyrule wrote:
nick007 wrote:
This is may sound odd but I was often sad & frustrated when I was single & getting in a relationship with a woman who's like that actually made me happier. I find those types of people to be more accepting & understanding of me & being accepted & understood makes me a lot happier. I may be able to feel more empathy for those types because I've been there. They say misery loves company. Being supportive of people like that may be one of the few relationship strengths that I have, I don't bring much to the table otherwise. I'm suddenly thinking of an ep of The Simpsons where Lady Gaga kept trying to cheer Lisa up but nothing was working. Then Lisa got angry at Lady Gaga & Lady Gaga decided to give up & she started feeling bad herself & Lisa was suddenly happy. I wish it would work like that for my girlfriend. It kinda works that way for me sometimes. Cass can be very tiring sometimes but the worst part is that I know lots of times there is not much I can do to change the situation. The most I can really do usually to help is be a sounding board for her. However I know from personal experience that simply having someone there who cares enough to listen & can relate some can be a huge help sometimes. Thankfully it works like that for Cass as well sometimes. The biggest reason I feel bad is because I love her & don't like her being unhappy or in pain or anything. The times I find her most difficult to deal with thou are when she's taking something out on me that really has nothing to do with me; like she's misdirecting her anger at me or her OCD or anxiety is acting up & she's upset with me over something most others would not care about. I bite my tongue a lot in those situations & avoid acting upset as best I can & usually a while later I'm OK. Or I remove myself from the situation & go in the bedroom & get on my computer or take a nap for a bit. I used to get upset & blow up at her so I've made a lot of progress over the years. She has a close relationship with her family & a couple times a month she'll spend a couple nights with family & I find having that time to myself can be very helpful for me.
I don't think that sounds odd at all. That actually was one of the perks of our relationship at first, that we both were dealing with similar problems, and due to that we were more supportive of each other, but after awhile the level of support stopped being as balanced and mutual, and then the level of understanding we had for each other also dwindled.
It's definitely nice to support others and be supported. Though when your partner stops deeming it worthwhile to spend quality time with you, promises to remedy that, and breaks that promise over and over as their communication with you wanes further, it becomes very, very tiring having to deal with that, even if they have actual issues that are causing them to partake in that behaviour.
I think part of the issue for me is that I have an uncanny knack for unintentionally ticking others off. My parents, my teachers, my principles, my classmates, & various other people I had to deal with throughout my life. I can hear Fnord rite now going
look at the common denominator & that is a very valid point. A lot of those people seemed to mostly get majorly upset with me instead of anyone else. They realized I was the main person upsetting them & as a result they started to see me as their main problem. Whereas someone who has anger & mood problems in general & realizes she does like my girlfriend, does not see me as the problem when she's in a better mood. She feels bad about the way she acted or reacted after she calms down. She believes that she would have problems with anyone she would have a relationship with & tries her best to understand me & make me feel loved, supported, & needed when she's in a better mood. That is a hell of a lot better than someone resenting me because she believes I am the one at fault. So many times throughout my life I've been accused of being selfish, demanding, manipulative, & mean. I know I have WAY more than my fair share of issues, faults, & problems but I really do care & want to do right by others. However it seems like the more I try, the worst I end up making things sometimes. I don't realize what I said or did wrong till after the fact(sometimes many years later) & then the damage is done & sometimes trying to make things right causes them to be even worse. I guess it's refreshing not to always be at fault. Sometimes when Cass is upset I try to analyze things & I realize anything I could of done or not done woulda been wrong in the moment. Then I feel bad that she's upset but at least I logically know that I'm not at fault for it.
08 Mar 2021, 6:00 pm
