Why Some People Wind Up Becoming 30 Year Old Virgins

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ironpony
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07 Jan 2022, 12:31 am

GadgetGuru wrote:
ironpony wrote:
But why aren't there any women have difficulty getting sex as well that men who have trouble can try to hook up with? Do all women seriously have no problem getting laid and men will take anything?

There are indeed women out there that are involuntarily celibate, for a variety of reasons.

But I think it's fair to say that women are less likely to want to "hook up", at least after a certain age.

I know a woman my age who has been single for more than a decade. She is highly intelligent, thoughtful and considerate. I have no doubt that she could find "a partner" if she so desired, but her experiences in this realm have led her to prefer (or tolerate?) solitude. She said she did try a dalliance some years back, and was left nonplussed by the experience.

Even in the case of a specific woman who is both involuntarily celibate and ready to seek a superficial sexual relationship, that doesn't mean that she will necessarily accept just anyone as a partner, especially if she has a significant "history", and knows what she wants (and doesn't want!). Don't confuse receptivity with desperation.

Darron


I see what you mean. But even though prostitution is illegal, a lot of guys still do it. So what's stopping virgins from doing it therefore?



WantToHaveALife
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08 Jan 2022, 9:28 am

Muse933277 wrote:
A lot of these toxic incel men would probably benefit from visiting a prostitute. Maybe if they have sex with a working professional, they'll realize that sex isn't that big of a deal and stop fixating on it so much.

If Elliot Rodger or Alex Minassian had visited visited prostitutes, maybe they would never killed a bunch of people.


yup thats very possible



ironpony
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08 Jan 2022, 3:18 pm

WantToHaveALife wrote:
Muse933277 wrote:
A lot of these toxic incel men would probably benefit from visiting a prostitute. Maybe if they have sex with a working professional, they'll realize that sex isn't that big of a deal and stop fixating on it so much.

If Elliot Rodger or Alex Minassian had visited visited prostitutes, maybe they would never killed a bunch of people.


yup thats very possible


I don't understand why they didn't go to a prostitute then. What was stopping them?



GadgetGuru
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08 Jan 2022, 4:08 pm

ironpony wrote:
Muse933277 wrote:
If Elliot Rodger or Alex Minassian had visited visited prostitutes, maybe they would never killed a bunch of people.

I don't understand why they didn't go to a prostitute then. What was stopping them?

I can't speak for the two mad-dogs noted above (or anyone else).

But for me, as a "young virgin", although the trope of an older relative or friend "purchasing the services of a prostitute to break in a young, shy man" was intriguing, it didn't seem like something I needed or wanted. Whether this is because I had a sex drive too low to find this to be an appealing option, I can't be sure. I think I had persuaded myself at some point that sex was likely to be most interesting in the context of a full relationship, rather than an isolated "need", so why go looking for "just" a sex partner (paid or otherwise)?

That said, if a young (or older!) woman had "thrown herself" at me when I was say, 15, I think I may well have just "gone with it", and not considered any of my "intellectual reservations" about the context. Boys are boys, after all, I guess, even autistic ones? And yeah, it would have had to have been "thrown herself" in the literal sense, given my clueless level of detecting flirting, at that age (and still today, to a degree I'm sure I'm not fully aware of).

It should be noted that I am very willing to agree that for some, a skilled prostitute would be an ideal way to get past that first very awkward stage of sexual inexperience. I live in Nevada, the only state in the US with reasonably "relaxed" laws about prostitution, and would highly suggest that anyone who lives in the US (or can visit here) would seek the services of a legal brothel, not so much because of the danger of being prosecuted, but because the women under the protection of the law here are less likely to be victimized by the vagaries of their employment.


I was fortunate enough to find a very emotionally attuned, patient woman to teach me the ropes, all those years ago. In hindsight, perhaps I owe her some serious $$, even given her "non-professional" status? I'm not sure how she would respond to such an offer, in the present... :D

Darron


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ironpony
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08 Jan 2022, 4:27 pm

GadgetGuru wrote:
ironpony wrote:
Muse933277 wrote:
If Elliot Rodger or Alex Minassian had visited visited prostitutes, maybe they would never killed a bunch of people.

I don't understand why they didn't go to a prostitute then. What was stopping them?

I can't speak for the two mad-dogs noted above (or anyone else).

But for me, as a "young virgin", although the trope of an older relative or friend "purchasing the services of a prostitute to break in a young, shy man" was intriguing, it didn't seem like something I needed or wanted. Whether this is because I had a sex drive too low to find this to be an appealing option, I can't be sure. I think I had persuaded myself at some point that sex was likely to be most interesting in the context of a full relationship, rather than an isolated "need", so why go looking for "just" a sex partner (paid or otherwise)?

That said, if a young (or older!) woman had "thrown herself" at me when I was say, 15, I think I may well have just "gone with it", and not considered any of my "intellectual reservations" about the context. Boys are boys, after all, I guess, even autistic ones? And yeah, it would have had to have been "thrown herself" in the literal sense, given my clueless level of detecting flirting, at that age (and still today, to a degree I'm sure I'm not fully aware of).

It should be noted that I am very willing to agree that for some, a skilled prostitute would be an ideal way to get past that first very awkward stage of sexual inexperience. I live in Nevada, the only state in the US with reasonably "relaxed" laws about prostitution, and would highly suggest that anyone who lives in the US (or can visit here) would seek the services of a legal brothel, not so much because of the danger of being prosecuted, but because the women under the protection of the law here are less likely to be victimized by the vagaries of their employment.


I was fortunate enough to find a very emotionally attuned, patient woman to teach me the ropes, all those years ago. In hindsight, perhaps I owe her some serious $$, even given her "non-professional" status? I'm not sure how she would respond to such an offer, in the present... :D

Darron


I was able to find a woman like this as well in the past, but it seems nowadays that most women do not want to be teachers unfortunately.



GadgetGuru
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08 Jan 2022, 4:47 pm

ironpony wrote:
I was able to find a woman like this as well in the past, but it seems nowadays that most women do not want to be teachers unfortunately.

I often find myself slipping into the mindset of "it's different these days", and would give examples, if I thought that relevant for this discussion.

That's no doubt due to both the inevitability of change in any culture, and the "Get off my lawn, you damn kids!" attitude that too many of us develop as we age, and find ourselves no longer willing to follow the cultural trends, or even maintain a basic awareness of them.

The temptation to adopt a dismissive attitude towards "kids today", or even one's aging peers should be struggled against, in my opinion, if only to try and maintain a positive mindset.

I certainly can't offer you any objective evidence that "good women" exist in higher or lower proportion now than in the past. And even if such evidence could be at hand, it would not be useful to doom one's self to abject misery over the "odds" of achieving a nebulous idea of a meaningful relationship. "Perfect is the enemy of good enough" is an old quote that I've recently found to be so very appropriate when thinking of many challenges in life, and relationships would be high on that list.

Darron


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ironpony
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09 Jan 2022, 9:26 am

Oh okay. And when I was young, I lost my virginity to a significantly older woman, who was willing to teach, but are older women still more willing to do that then younger, even today?

But if this is the case, do guys go after older women to attempt this if they are more willing, or do most virgin guys do not?



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09 Jan 2022, 1:42 pm

WantToHaveALife wrote:
Muse933277 wrote:
A lot of these toxic incel men would probably benefit from visiting a prostitute. Maybe if they have sex with a working professional, they'll realize that sex isn't that big of a deal and stop fixating on it so much.

If Elliot Rodger or Alex Minassian had visited visited prostitutes, maybe they would never killed a bunch of people.


yup thats very possible


ya i always hated it whenever people say there is no age-cap or age limit on love, dating, relationships.



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09 Jan 2022, 6:23 pm

Saying that incels should see a prostitute is at best like suggesting to put a bandage on a wound. We know that prostitution isn't universally legal or accessible in every place and it has some bad issues of it's own too. I understand where it's coming from, but I'm sure most of these men want a relationship or at least a stable "more than sex" partner, and getting to enjoy sexual activity and have someone to indulge in fantasies is more the icing on top of that cake.

Maybe if society genuinely cared equally about the status quo of both men and women, we wouldn't see as many males ranting about this topic.



ironpony
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09 Jan 2022, 8:32 pm

Hollywood_Guy wrote:
Saying that incels should see a prostitute is at best like suggesting to put a bandage on a wound. We know that prostitution isn't universally legal or accessible in every place and it has some bad issues of it's own too. I understand where it's coming from, but I'm sure most of these men want a relationship or at least a stable "more than sex" partner, and getting to enjoy sexual activity and have someone to indulge in fantasies is more the icing on top of that cake.

Maybe if society genuinely cared equally about the status quo of both men and women, we wouldn't see as many males ranting about this topic.


What do you mean by the status quo of both men and women in this context?



cyberdad
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10 Jan 2022, 3:01 am

Hollywood_Guy wrote:
Maybe if society genuinely cared equally about the status quo of both men and women, we wouldn't see as many males ranting about this topic.


What you are seeing is because there is equality between men and women. Women now can choose whom they want to date and have sex with. That means a large fraction of the male population aren't going to get sex or a relationship.

To make matters worse, the older a man gets the smaller the pool of women left + as women get older they are less likely to want a relationship. For a man who has little or no experience with dating, if he wants a long term relationship then its an understatement to say the odds are literally stacked against him as he slips into his 40s.



ironpony
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10 Jan 2022, 9:46 am

But if there is a large percentage of guys who cannot choose compared to women, it doesn't sound like equality. But how is it that women have more choice than men though? Are guys just giving the options to them too easily, and need to develop higher standards themselves, and challenge them more to be on a more equal playing field?



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10 Jan 2022, 9:56 am

It’s really no use speculating as to why.

Just accept the state of affairs, and adjust accordingly.



chris1989
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10 Jan 2022, 10:13 am

I seem to think that society views it as ''abnormal'' to still be a virgin at 30 and that society views it as acceptable to be a virgin in your late teens and twenties although society says that you MUST have sex before you are 18, 20, 21, 25 or 30.



kraftiekortie
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10 Jan 2022, 10:18 am

You don’t have to have sex until you want to have sex.

Don’t go around talking about your virginity. And don’t tell a potential lover you’re a virgin until you feel comfortable doing so. It’s not like being a virgin is something one has to “confess” to.

If questioned, just state you want to wait until you find the “right” person.



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13 Jan 2022, 7:23 pm

I first had sex when I was 32. It wasn't all that great. I live a life of chastity these days. It's better for me.


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