Do You Think Dating Would Be Easier If You Were Neurotypical

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Do You Think Dating Would Be Easier If You Neurotypical?
Yes 79%  79%  [ 22 ]
No 11%  11%  [ 3 ]
About The Same As It Is Now 11%  11%  [ 3 ]
I Am Neurotypical 0%  0%  [ 0 ]
Total votes : 28

The_Face_of_Boo
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28 Mar 2021, 3:42 pm

I think we said this the for the nth times; cold approach works only in movies, maybe it would work for a extremely drop dead gorgeous guy but I even doubt it.



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28 Mar 2021, 3:57 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
many would feign being flattered.


Very astute observation. That's what I meant by "I would be polite." If act flattered, mostly for self preservation, so he didn't snap on me, but would be itching for the guy to just go away.



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28 Mar 2021, 10:58 pm

Mona Pereth wrote:
It seems to me that music might still be a good potential avenue for meeting people (other than just fellow band members). It's probably not a good career choice, but what are your prospects for obtaining occasional music gigs, either as part of a band or as a solo performer?
Women are sometimes attracted to guys who make/perform music even if the women doesn't & the guys are bad at it. I've known some guys online who were big dorks that played music badly & ended up meeting their wife through that. One played in the park & his wife hung out in the park a bit & they chatted some when they were both there & then started going out after a while. Another guy put some music out online that was bad nerdcore song parodies(imagine a really BAD version of Weird Al Yankovic singing about iPhones & anime). His wife thought he was very creative & talented & kinda funny even if the songs were very bad. She was kinda a dork herself thou. They chatted online a bit & didn't live super far from each other & kinda hit it off. It's common for guys to get into music because they are trying to impress girls as the saying goes, "Sex, drugs, & rock n roll", or the Dire Straits song "Money for nothing & your chicks for free". Of corse famous mainstream popular bands & singers can have a much much much easier time getting women than guys who are unknown but playing/making bad unpopular music does help some guys get relationships thou not everyone & probably not even most.


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28 Mar 2021, 11:05 pm

Dating can be tricky, but for me sustaining relationships is trickier. If I were an NT I'd probably still be in one of the relationships I had years ago but managed to destroy.



cyberdad
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29 Mar 2021, 3:42 am

Vito wrote:
So yeah, I think that being NT would help a great deal. If you're NT, it's just sufficient to be confident, reasonably attractive and not a **** to be moderately successful with ladies. If you're not an NT, you lack a whole category of skills to do so.


Yeah one of the reasons I post in this forum so others don't make the same mistakes I did. As an NT I actually overcomplicated things. In reality chemistry between two people is actually a very organic process.

Even if girls laugh at you and scowl, as long as you are polite and respectful the more times you put yourself out their the better practice and the more likely you'll meet your soul mate.



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29 Mar 2021, 3:45 am

kraftiekortie wrote:
Trust me: it’s not wise it go up to a stranger and ask her for a date right of the bat. You have to get to know the person a little at first


I've met some of the greatest people ever from just randomly talking to strangers who would otherwise never have crossed paths.

It's actually fun and I still do it when I get bored in public



kraftiekortie
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29 Mar 2021, 5:49 am

I’m talking about asking for a date, solely.

I go up to people randomly, too—but not immediately to ask for a date.



petraA
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29 Mar 2021, 5:50 pm

I think it would be easier to get dates and get into relationships but not easier to find real love and a meaningful relationship. Being autistic cuts a lot of BS people from my life quickly. I also don't feel the need for a partner so I am less likely to make bad choices. I married my best friend since childhood who is also autistic and we had enough circling around getting confused as it was. If I was constantly preoccupied by neurotypical dating we may have taken another decade to get together.



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29 Mar 2021, 10:41 pm

Hi petraA! I'm a little confused by the following, and would like to ask for a clarification.

Above, you wrote:

petraA wrote:
I married my best friend since childhood who is also autistic and we had enough circling around getting confused as it was.

The above seems to be saying that your husband had been your best friend ever since childhood. But here, you wrote:

petraA wrote:
As for OP making friends online... I met my husband online and have made a few other good online friends.

Does this, in conjunction with the first quote above, mean that you met him online when you were still a child?

I suspect you actually meant to say something else, but I'm not sure what. For example, was the first-quoted sentence actually intended to mean that your husband was the best friend you ever made after (but not including) childhood?

Could you please clarify?


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30 Mar 2021, 8:59 am

hurtloam wrote:
Ah, yes.

Eastern Europeans and Russians are way more direct in conversation I've found. There is a definite cultural difference.

I do find them easier to talk to in general. I thought I might meet an Eastern European guy once I moved to the city because I have female Polish and Hungarian friends that I can be myself with and enjoy the company of, but that hasn't happened.

I think the Eastern European man I met and got on well with thought I wasn't an ideal housewife type and said I was fun, but no to long term.


Yes, culture is definitely a factor. It didn't occur to me that such behavior might be perceived differently in the UK or the US, when I was making the first post. It's true that especially in Russia, men are supposed to show the initiative and women who show it are actually perceived as morally improper. Czechia is somewhere in between the Russian way and the Western way. So, approach like that is culturally appropriate, depending on the circumstances. Of course, I wouldn't dare to approach a lone woman in secluded area, or when it's dark, as I'm relatively big, and bearded. But during the day in a place with lots of people around, I don't see a problem with that.

Sorry to hear about your Eastern European guy. Yeah, it goes both ways - men are supposed to display certain qualities and behaviors there and so do women. Russian men generally think that Czech women are not a good housewife material either.

kraftiekortie wrote:
Why can’t you just talk to a woman a little bit before asking her out?


Of course I can, and I frequently do so (well, talking to women, not asking them out, as I'm married). I just wonder, whether it's not better in some cases to make my intentions clear from the start, instead of finding some excuse to talk to her, or use some lame pick-up phrase. More so, if I'm not even sure whether she wants to have any sort of conversation at that moment, in the first place. And I know it's definitely better to ask her out sooner than later, once you know her a bit. I tended to keep waiting for the right moment and usually they lost interest in me after a while.

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
I think we said this the for the nth times; cold approach works only in movies, maybe it would work for a extremely drop dead gorgeous guy but I even doubt it.


Well, actually, I met one of my past girlfriends by a cold approach on a long-distance bus. I don't remember it clearly already, it was like 9 years ago, or so. I just remember making some remark, to which she responded and we ended up chatting for the full 2 hours of the trip and exchanged contact information after. True, I asked her out only like 2 weeks later after my previous gf dumped me, but still - had I not made my remark, we would have never met.

I also met my wife in a very similar fashion. She happened to sit next to me on a first lecture in the first year of college and I thought it nice to strike a conversation with her. We hadn't become friends (just sort of classmates who know each other and interact inside the college), but eventually, I had asked her out as well (or she sort of "pressured" me into doing that by making sure that I know she's interested).

Btw, in both cases I was sort of average or a bit below average in terms of attractiveness (tall, apparently intelligent and with bright blue eyes, but overweight with weak and slightly doubled chin, oily-skinned and haired, with not a great taste in clothes, and poor body language) and the girls were way out of my league (or at least me and my friends seemed to think so).

So much for the cold approach not working or working only with drop dead gorgeous guys. Besides what's generally considered attractive, and what particular women find attractive, are very different things.

Of course, cold approach will not work most of the time, but even if it works only 1 time out of 10, it's still worth trying.


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Vito
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30 Mar 2021, 11:58 am

nick007 wrote:
Mona Pereth wrote:
It seems to me that music might still be a good potential avenue for meeting people (other than just fellow band members). It's probably not a good career choice, but what are your prospects for obtaining occasional music gigs, either as part of a band or as a solo performer?
Women are sometimes attracted to guys who make/perform music even if the women doesn't & the guys are bad at it. I've known some guys online who were big dorks that played music badly & ended up meeting their wife through that. One played in the park & his wife hung out in the park a bit & they chatted some when they were both there & then started going out after a while. Another guy put some music out online that was bad nerdcore song parodies(imagine a really BAD version of Weird Al Yankovic singing about iPhones & anime). His wife thought he was very creative & talented & kinda funny even if the songs were very bad. She was kinda a dork herself thou. They chatted online a bit & didn't live super far from each other & kinda hit it off. It's common for guys to get into music because they are trying to impress girls as the saying goes, "Sex, drugs, & rock n roll", or the Dire Straits song "Money for nothing & your chicks for free". Of corse famous mainstream popular bands & singers can have a much much much easier time getting women than guys who are unknown but playing/making bad unpopular music does help some guys get relationships thou not everyone & probably not even most.



I think that people in general (and women especially so) tend to be attracted to people who have some sort of respectable hobby, but what's deemed as respectable is very subjective. A hip-hop girl will probably not think much of a guy playing a violin in the park, whereas woman with interest in classical music will prefer the violin player to an amateur rapper. The same as athletically based women will be more likely to see competitive chess players as dorks, whereas gamer girls could see them as kinda cool. The point is to have something. Just going with your friends to a pub or play computer games all the time is not going to impress anybody. Even doing weird Weird Al-Yankovic cover stuff on YouTube is going to be more respected than that.

Of course, unless you're really famous, being in a band will not do all the work with girls for you, but it's better than nothing, I think.


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SportsGamer35728
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30 Mar 2021, 12:30 pm

Vito wrote:
The same as athletically based women will be more likely to see competitive chess players as dorks, whereas gamer girls could see them as kinda cool.

The fact that I have such a diverse range in hobbies over which to connect has been one of my biggest frustrations when it comes to dating! :P To cite two personal examples over the past week, I've yet to meet a woman who'd be equally interested in a road trip to the Baseball and Boxing Halls of Fame like I went on last Thursday, and the RetroMania Wrestling video game coming out for the Nintendo Switch today.



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30 Mar 2021, 2:42 pm

SportsGamer35728 wrote:
Vito wrote:
The same as athletically based women will be more likely to see competitive chess players as dorks, whereas gamer girls could see them as kinda cool.

The fact that I have such a diverse range in hobbies over which to connect has been one of my biggest frustrations when it comes to dating! :P To cite two personal examples over the past week, I've yet to meet a woman who'd be equally interested in a road trip to the Baseball and Boxing Halls of Fame like I went on last Thursday, and the RetroMania Wrestling video game coming out for the Nintendo Switch today.


Yeah, I get that. :wink: Two of my main hobbies (chess and motorcycle travel) are not ideal for connecting with women either. My wife does not like either of those things, though she finds my desire of competing at chess tournaments and discovering the world on a saddle of a motorcycle equally respectable. I don't mind - last thing I need is to ride with one additional bag behind my back that is alive and full of complaints! :lol: Though I guess, I'd be much happier if she would find enjoyable both of these things and accompany me to the same gym as well, because they have a larger barbell area than in the gym she goes to, but I can't be that picky, can I? :D

The point is, woman does not need to share hobbies with you - it's sufficient that she finds them respectable. Unfortunately, not all hobbies and interests are created equal in terms of respectability. Also, it's probably better to have hobbies and no woman than to have a woman who forbids you to engage in your hobbies. I have an acquaintance who lives under the iron heel of such a woman and it's not a pretty sight.


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cyberdad
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30 Mar 2021, 3:21 pm

Vito wrote:
The point is, woman does not need to share hobbies with you - it's sufficient that she finds them respectable. Unfortunately, not all hobbies and interests are created equal in terms of respectability. Also, it's probably better to have hobbies and no woman than to have a woman who forbids you to engage in your hobbies. I have an acquaintance who lives under the iron heel of such a woman and it's not a pretty sight.


This is actually a very good point you raise. Women do not need to share hobbies at all (and often they don't). I do hope autistic guys are not expecting to find a partner who shares their special interests then they are only making it harder for themselves.

Common interests are fine but actually a lot of NT relationships are borne from male-female interest.

Your second point also makes sense. For example if you are 28 yr old man who'se special interests are lego or minecraft then that might be perceived to be not age-specific. There are plenty of other examples with regard to special interests.

BTW girls love guys who ride motorcycles. I missed out on p**** because I never got a motorcycle licence.



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09 Apr 2021, 6:33 pm

No, because it's hard for most people in general.

1) For women, there's sexual harassment and safety concerns. For men, online dating has a skewed ratio so it's ultra-competitive; average-looking or overweight men get very few matches.

2) After high school and college, it's hard to meet people (even before the pandemic). People often meet each other through repeated interaction at the same place and social circle. Which is much harder to find as an adult.

Neither of these things would be different if I were neurotypical.



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09 Apr 2021, 10:27 pm

As a 5 ft 3 man with autism, dating would DEFINITELY be easier if I were a 5 ft 10 neurotypical male. In fact, it would be drastically easier!

As a 5 ft 3 man with autism, I am effectively invisible to the opposite sex.

But don't worry, I have a backup plan.