28 Mar 2021, 11:02 am
Double Retired
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28 Mar 2021, 3:06 pm
29 Mar 2021, 2:20 am
I suspect being an Aspie made withdrawing into my home easier. I like it here. (But I do miss fast-food.)
Getting the diagnosis did explain so much of what I had experienced. I really liked that. I really did buy champagne (on the way home from the psychologists'). But, at my age, the diagnosis just told me what obstacles I had unknowingly but successfully gotten past.
In your case you might be able to actually use the diagnosis. Learn about it and plan accordingly.
Hi, and thanks for the welcome message
I'll certainly be poking around the forums though I can't yet say how much I will interact. I will likely read a lot to start with, and will go from there.Also thank you for replying and sorry it took me a while to get to. I'm still processing the diagnosis and today wasn't a good day. While it's helping me with self acceptance, it's made me aware that my problem areas have a permanent cause, which in turn has made me feel rather fatalistic and hopeless about 'getting better'.
I'm so exhausted all the time and just had the thought of 'is that all I have to look forward to for the next 5-7 decades? More constant work just to function without any outlook of it getting easier?' I kind of want to cry if this is my reality.
As someone with more life experience in handling asperger's, especially before knowing you had it - does life get easier to handle? Do you eventually get better at doing things without having to put in so much energy all the time? I suppose by 'things' I mean social interaction, understanding and being understood by others, finding acceptance etc.
Apologies for the outburst, and please don't feel obligated to give me details about your life. I know we're strangers and I only feel safe even voicing this because we have our diagnosis in common.
To respond to your message further, I'm definitely going to take this diagnosis to get a handle on what i know my weak areas are. I don't think my asperger's is particularly severe as most people who know me didn't know until I told them, but it has taken a lot of work to get where I am. Despite this there are still some glaring areas where I'm lacking so I think I've done all I am able to without help. Thankfully I have a therapist and psychiatrist who can support me, and once I've gotten past the acceptance stage, I can get up again to work on this.
FleaOfTheChill
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29 Mar 2021, 5:31 am
Hello and welcome 
29 Mar 2021, 7:37 am
Hey and thank you
29 Mar 2021, 7:50 am
29 Mar 2021, 1:10 pm
Double Retired
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29 Mar 2021, 5:57 pm
The general wisdom is that if you've met one Aspie you've met one Aspie. That is, we're not all the same, just as all left-handed people are not the same.
In my case I'd say being an Aspie (even though I didn't know it) was in some ways helpful for me and in some ways a problem.
It was fortuitous that I liked computers and I think being an Aspie allowed me to be good with them. That and perseverance (perhaps also from being an Aspie) positioned me well financially. I retired at 56 and am financially secure. Though there was unhappiness along the way.
It is often said that Aspies tend to have average or above average intelligence. Well, I'm in Mensa...and most of the people I am socially involved with are either family or from Mensa. I met my bride in Mensa.
Aspie kids apparently often tend to be well-behaved. I was. Fortunately! I think I would have been bad at being bad--I would have frequently gotten into trouble due to ineptness.
On the other hand, the socializing thing was an issue. I was not good at it. I did not find good romance until my 40s. (Hint: Humor helps! Dry, subtle humor can lubricate social awkwardness.)
But, if you've met one Aspie you've met one Aspie. My life is my life and your life is yours. On WP you will find some happy Aspies who married young and have children and grandchildren. And you will find others who are miserable with their lot in life. And now there is one more WP person who is not like everyone else: you!
When I finally concluded I was probably a high-functioning Autistic (I've since gotten better with my terminology) I briefly thought I was doing pretty well in life despite it. I then wondered if some other Aspies might have done well. I searched the Internet for lists of famous Aspies. My ego took a beating. Those lists are speculation. Maybe some of the folk listed are Aspies and maybe some are not. But it seems likely to me that at least a significant percentage of them really were Aspies. And I felt dwarfed by them. I can list a couple of dozen possible Aspies so famous that I probably wouldn't even need to give you their full name for you to know who they were and what they were famous for. It would be an honor to share a "syndrome" with any of them!
Just for fun, why don't you search the Internet for lists of famous Aspies?
Then remember three things: (1) the people on those lists may or may not really be Aspies. (2) you shouldn't feel bad about being an Aspie who is less accomplished than them--almost everyone alive or who ever has been alive, Aspie or not, is less accomplished than them! (3) If they could do that well despite being an Aspie, maybe you can do reasonably well, too.
Or, if you would like more practical advice: Don't worry about being an Aspie. Continue with your life. And, maybe learn about being an Aspie--it may or may not be useful but it is kind of interesting.
P.S. I can only point at one clear change in my life because of the diagnosis. Now when my bride bumps up against one of my Aspie traits I can say "I have a doctor's note for that!" She doesn't find that to be as amusing as I do!
P.P.S. Whenever you find yourself in a bad place, remember that would be a bad place to STOP! Keep going!!
29 Mar 2021, 9:20 pm
29 Mar 2021, 9:21 pm
Thanks!
29 Mar 2021, 10:05 pm
In my case I'd say being an Aspie (even though I didn't know it) was in some ways helpful for me and in some ways a problem.
It was fortuitous that I liked computers and I think being an Aspie allowed me to be good with them. That and perseverance (perhaps also from being an Aspie) positioned me well financially. I retired at 56 and am financially secure. Though there was unhappiness along the way.
It is often said that Aspies tend to have average or above average intelligence. Well, I'm in Mensa...and most of the people I am socially involved with are either family or from Mensa. I met my bride in Mensa.
Aspie kids apparently often tend to be well-behaved. I was. Fortunately! I think I would have been bad at being bad--I would have frequently gotten into trouble due to ineptness.
On the other hand, the socializing thing was an issue. I was not good at it. I did not find good romance until my 40s. (Hint: Humor helps! Dry, subtle humor can lubricate social awkwardness.)
But, if you've met one Aspie you've met one Aspie. My life is my life and your life is yours. On WP you will find some happy Aspies who married young and have children and grandchildren. And you will find others who are miserable with their lot in life. And now there is one more WP person who is not like everyone else: you!
When I finally concluded I was probably a high-functioning Autistic (I've since gotten better with my terminology) I briefly thought I was doing pretty well in life despite it. I then wondered if some other Aspies might have done well. I searched the Internet for lists of famous Aspies. My ego took a beating. Those lists are speculation. Maybe some of the folk listed are Aspies and maybe some are not. But it seems likely to me that at least a significant percentage of them really were Aspies. And I felt dwarfed by them. I can list a couple of dozen possible Aspies so famous that I probably wouldn't even need to give you their full name for you to know who they were and what they were famous for. It would be an honor to share a "syndrome" with any of them!
Just for fun, why don't you search the Internet for lists of famous Aspies?
Then remember three things: (1) the people on those lists may or may not really be Aspies. (2) you shouldn't feel bad about being an Aspie who is less accomplished than them--almost everyone alive or who ever has been alive, Aspie or not, is less accomplished than them! (3) If they could do that well despite being an Aspie, maybe you can do reasonably well, too.
Or, if you would like more practical advice: Don't worry about being an Aspie. Continue with your life. And, maybe learn about being an Aspie--it may or may not be useful but it is kind of interesting.
P.S. I can only point at one clear change in my life because of the diagnosis. Now when my bride bumps up against one of my Aspie traits I can say "I have a doctor's note for that!"
:D She doesn't find that to be as amusing as I do!
P.P.S. Whenever you find yourself in a bad place, remember that would be a bad place to STOP! Keep going!!
Thank you, this is giving me a lot to think about. I may be experiencing a bit of a meltdown at the moment- I'm not proud of it.
All you've said is incredibly encouraging. It somehow got into my head that I will never fit in as much as I want to, leading to lack of acceptance and finding the connections I crave. But what you've shared about your life clearly shows how wrong my assumption was, and I can't thank you enough for that.
As you said, we're all different from each other even if we do all share being on the spectrum. And of course that means what we make of our lives differs too. I can choose to be unhappy or I can choose to reframe my situation to capitalise on my strengths, to help me open up avenues I wouldn't find otherwise.
What I want is to be accepted and loved for my weirdness instead of feeling like I have to hide it. While the official diagnosis may close some doors, it's also giving me a clear starting point to work from since my techniques so far haven't worked anyway.
It's ironic you should mention Mensa as I'd been looking into it for a good while, before being diagnosed even. Not because I think I'm some superhuman genius but because I know I'm intelligent, yet feel stupid a lot of the time. I thought maybe there are more people like me in that community, of being intelligent in areas that aren't part of daily life much, yet not very bright in things most people find easy - like socialising.
I've never developed an interest in computers though I do like numbers and logic puzzles. I don't know if I'm good enough at that sort of thing to make a career out of it but I know I grasp concepts very quickly. I guess I haven't yet found my niche.
I have been looking at famous people with asperger's so I think I likely have a good idea of who you mean. And definitely, there is a feeling of honour in possibly sharing a condition with these famous geniuses (as many of them have been called). I also know that most people won't ever reach that same level of fame or admiration and quite honestly, I'm okay with that. I suppose I was looking at who the regular person with asperger's is, how they cope with life and if they find happiness and love. In hindsight, it sounds like a stupid worry to have.
I'm really glad to hear that you've made such a good life for yourself, you sound happy with what you have and achieved by now (with the acknowledgement that there have been hard times along the way). I think that's all I wanted, to know that one of many possibilities includes being happy while living with Asperger's. The rest is up to me and what I make of it.
Maybe I'll try applying for Mensa, though whether I get in remains to be seen. It sounds worth it to find a wider community to connect to. I will certainly keep going even if this path leaves me empty handed. I've never been good at giving up.
Thank you for the talk
it's kind of you and has already been so helpful.
30 Mar 2021, 9:23 am
Double Retired
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30 Mar 2021, 9:53 am
it's kind of you and has already been so helpful. Mensa: If you've met one Mensan you've met one Mensan. We're all different. And the entrance criteria are arbitrary...being almost eligible still means you're brighter than most folk. It is just a social group where people meet primarily to talk and eat. I'm sure there are other ways to get the same result. But if you join Mensa, Congratulations, and keep your expectations low. Many folk like those famous maybe Aspies would've been eligible for Mensa, too, but they had better ways to spend their time. (Though Asimov was, for a while, a Mensan.)
30 Mar 2021, 10:02 am
30 Mar 2021, 10:15 am
it's kind of you and has already been so helpful. Mensa: If you've met one Mensan you've met one Mensan. We're all different. And the entrance criteria are arbitrary...being almost eligible still means you're brighter than most folk. It is just a social group where people meet primarily to talk and eat. I'm sure there are other ways to get the same result. But if you join Mensa, Congratulations, and keep your expectations low. Many folk like those famous maybe Aspies would've been eligible for Mensa, too, but they had better ways to spend their time. (Though Asimov was, for a while, a Mensan.)
I love the paraphrasing haha. And for sure, I'm not entirely sure what to expect either way, but while I had been thinking about Mensa for a while, I didn't seriously consider joining until you mentioned having found a close circle of friends there. I used to think of it for all the wrong reasons but it being a social group sounds like most attractive quality by now. I will say, intelligence is a touchy subject for me and one I was afraid to discuss for a very long time. I wanted an IQ test to prove to myself that I'm not stupid, and thought about attempting the Mensa test just for that. But it was the wrong time and motivation, for me personally. Intelligence was too wrapped up in my sense of self, and I didn't want to give a single test result the power of destroying or making my self confidence. I am in a better mental space nowadays, generally, or at least I like to think I am. Which is why I am strictly viewing it as an experiment to join a social club, the stakes are lower that way.
If I don't get in it's not the end of the world, I will surely find another group I can connect with. As you say, many famous Aspies would have been eligible but used their time differently. I don't have much to do right now, or rather, I'm still figuring it out. But it's all theorising at this point either way, so for now I'm just thankful for your openness and for lifting the mystery surrounding Mensa a bit
31 Mar 2021, 6:53 am
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