I wonder how many people with ASD, managed to find love?

Page 1 of 1 [ 15 posts ] 

pawelk1986
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 2 Apr 2010
Age: 38
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,899
Location: Wroclaw, Poland

29 Mar 2021, 1:48 pm

I wonder how many people with ASD managed to find sexual partners/love despite ASD?

I wonder how many people born with Asperger's managed to find their love/sexual partner regardless gay on straight.

Fun fact I heard at least on history who dating a girl who was on spectrum against her parents wishes only to be diagnosed with ASD later one, he was diagnosed with ADHD but not ASD only later they found that he had Asperger's too :-)

I also wonder how many people with ASD have a partner who is either autistic too or have another type of neurodiversity? ;-)

And if so does is help in your relationship or au contraire?


https://answers.yahoo.com/question/inde ... 016AAhkkH7



Fnord
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 6 May 2008
Age: 67
Gender: Male
Posts: 59,887
Location: Stendec

29 Mar 2021, 1:51 pm

← Married 25+ years.

You could have included a poll.


_________________
 
No love for Hamas, Hezbollah, Iranian Leadership, Islamic Jihad, other Islamic terrorist groups, OR their supporters and sympathizers.


kraftiekortie
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 4 Feb 2014
Gender: Male
Posts: 87,510
Location: Queens, NYC

29 Mar 2021, 1:51 pm

Very many.....that's for sure!



Tim_Tex
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 2 Jul 2004
Age: 44
Gender: Male
Posts: 45,529
Location: Houston, Texas

29 Mar 2021, 2:03 pm

Many of us had.

I've been in two relationships, though I haven't been in one in nearly 15 years.


_________________
Who’s better at math than a robot? They’re made of math!

Now proficient in ChatGPT!


Mona Pereth
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 11 Sep 2018
Gender: Female
Posts: 7,811
Location: New York City (Queens)

29 Mar 2021, 6:38 pm

My partner and I have been together since 2012. Both of us being on the autism spectrum, and knowing what that means, helps us understand each other.


_________________
- Autistic in NYC - Resources and new ideas for the autistic adult community in the New York City metro area.
- Autistic peer-led groups (via text-based chat, currently) led or facilitated by members of the Autistic Peer Leadership Group.
- My Twitter / "X" (new as of 2021)


that1weirdgrrrl
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 19 Jul 2017
Age: 43
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,090
Location: Between my dreams and your fantasies

29 Mar 2021, 6:59 pm

I've had a few relationships.... only a couple of those have been remotely healthy

Did I love them? Yeah, I believe at the time, I did.


_________________
...what do the public, the great unobservant public, who could hardly tell a weaver by his tooth or a compositor by his left thumb, care about the finer shades of analysis and deduction!


Last edited by that1weirdgrrrl on 29 Mar 2021, 10:17 pm, edited 1 time in total.

kraftiekortie
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 4 Feb 2014
Gender: Male
Posts: 87,510
Location: Queens, NYC

29 Mar 2021, 7:05 pm

I've had many casual and a pretty good amount of serious relationships, too.

Some of been healthy; others unhealthy; others both healthy and unhealthy.

I'm rather short and stubby....and I'm not the most charismatic person around....



IsabellaLinton
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 1 Nov 2017
Gender: Female
Posts: 68,652
Location: Chez Quis

29 Mar 2021, 7:30 pm

Boyfriend 1: Mid 1980s to mid 1990s: Very controlling, likely not ASD (Love - NO)

Boyfriend 2: Mid 1990s: Alcoholic, addict, abusive, sociopath, bankrupt, unemployed, homeless, deviant, stole from me, likely not ASD (Love - NO)

Boyfriend 3: 1998 - 2002: Alcoholic - Probable ASD, ADHD, Paranoia, very superstitious, transgendered (Love - Yes, but more like friends)

(17 years being single)

Boyfriend 4: Late 2019 - Present: Acute PTSD and grief. He doesn't think like an NT. (Love - I think so)

Also I don't have Aspergers. I'm ASD Level 2. Your question seems to only be about Aspergers?


_________________
And in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make.


pawelk1986
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 2 Apr 2010
Age: 38
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,899
Location: Wroclaw, Poland

30 Mar 2021, 9:30 am

IsabellaLinton wrote:

Also I don't have Aspergers. I'm ASD Level 2. Your question seems to only be about Aspergers?


Because I have Aspergers, so my question might be a little bit self-serving but seeing that other people with a more severe type of autism is very uplifting :D



nick007
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 4 May 2010
Age: 41
Gender: Male
Posts: 27,125
Location: was Louisiana but now Vermont in the police state called USA

30 Mar 2021, 10:46 am

It would be extremely hard to have remotely accurate statistics on this when there is currently LOTS of confusion about autism even amongst mental health professionals. For example autism is diagnosed 4x more in women than men & some believe that the percentage ratio of autistic women to autistic men are more evenly splint but autistic women are much more likely to miss being diagnosed with autism due to the belief that autism is more common in men &/or because autism presents differently in men than in women. We cant really have statistics on autistics in relationships when there is debate about who is autistic & who is not. We can really only talk about our own personal experiences on this.

I've had 3 romantic relationships but I have various mental & physical things that limit me besides autism & in some ways I'm kinda opposite of the stereotypical autistic when it comes to romantic relationships. My 1st girlfriend was NT but had bad ADHD, dyslexia, & a little OCD & I have those things as well which is why we we connected so well. My 2nd was on the spectrum & my current one is as well or at least my current has lots of overlapping issues but she has various things besides autism too. I do love all 3. I think one of the major issues in my 2nd relationship is that she was more like the stereotypical autistic with wanting a bit of space & alone time as well as desiring her independence whereas I'm very needy & clingy & dependent within romantic relationships. My current girlfriend is more like me when it comes to that so we get along a lot better in some ways. I've had no luck with getting in romantic relationships with anyone else thou despite trying desperately for 8 years between my 1st & 2nd relationship.


_________________
"I don't have an anger problem, I have an idiot problem!"
~King Of The Hill


"Hear all, trust nothing"
~Ferengi Rule Of Acquisition #190
https://memory-alpha.fandom.com/wiki/Ru ... cquisition


rottingpetal
Tufted Titmouse
Tufted Titmouse

Joined: 9 Aug 2020
Age: 29
Gender: Female
Posts: 40

11 Apr 2021, 11:39 pm

Both my partner and I are aspies and we happened to find each other.
I've only been in three relationships in my life (all long distance) and all three seemed to be ASD men. I've found the secret is learning who the person is first, rather than jumping into things. When you find someone who clicks with you, it just works, most times despite any awkward behavior you might have.



amykitten
Velociraptor
Velociraptor

User avatar

Joined: 17 Sep 2013
Gender: Female
Posts: 480

13 Apr 2021, 9:02 am

My parents have been together since they were 12 so 47 years. My dad 8s on the spectrum.

I've had my first serious boyfriend at 9-16 although we did break up a few times and I did date other people whilst not together. We broke up as my parents had to relocate.

I know what I like and I set a high standard as well as being clingy so it's more or less impossible now



Muse933277
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 13 Mar 2020
Gender: Male
Posts: 793

13 Apr 2021, 9:29 am

I feel like for people with autism, they may benefit from looking for love in unconventional/unorthodox methods, or dating someone who is similar to them in terms of looks/personality. The fat overweight nerd who's socially awkward and plays video games all day PROBABLY isn't going to date the super hot, super fit, and extroverted sorority blonde. It's just simply not a good fit.


As for unconventional methods, perhaps try long-distance online dating, perhaps with a girl from a different country or some niche website such as autistic singles, etc... I know long-distance isn't ideal but if you're 25+ and still a virgin, then most likely what you're doing now isn't clearly working, so going 6 months before having sex with a girl you met online isn't going to be that big of a deal anyways.



nick007
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 4 May 2010
Age: 41
Gender: Male
Posts: 27,125
Location: was Louisiana but now Vermont in the police state called USA

13 Apr 2021, 10:24 am

Muse933277 wrote:
I feel like for people with autism, they may benefit from looking for love in unconventional/unorthodox methods, or dating someone who is similar to them in terms of looks/personality. The fat overweight nerd who's socially awkward and plays video games all day PROBABLY isn't going to date the super hot, super fit, and extroverted sorority blonde. It's just simply not a good fit.


As for unconventional methods, perhaps try long-distance online dating, perhaps with a girl from a different country or some niche website such as autistic singles, etc... I know long-distance isn't ideal but if you're 25+ and still a virgin, then most likely what you're doing now isn't clearly working, so going 6 months before having sex with a girl you met online isn't going to be that big of a deal anyways.
That approach is what worked for me. I am not fit for starting a relationship with or dating normal NT women. I never really had my sh!t together in life much & I've always been a passive person with life in general. I did my best to take a proactive role in my search to find somebody but those things made me very unattractive to LOTS of women. I'm also very direct & straightforward & I'm horrible with indirectness & hints. People tend to misread me a lot as well & assume that I'm mad when I'm not or that I'm happy in a sad situation when I'm not. People who know me tend to think I'm sweet & they know that I'm very loyal, supportive, & protective of people close to me but I'm just majorly unattractive in a romantic sense to single women who are my age or younger. I'm the type of guy people turn to when they are upset about something or having a bad day but I'm just not a very attractive potential relationship partner to most women. I'm more of a special charity case women don't have the time, patience, or energy to deal with. Normal NT women think I don't bring much to the table. However I potentially have much better luck & match with women who have their own various mental & physical issues & problems. Then me being protective, supportive, loyal, & sweet can potentially shine through if given a real honest chance & try. I got that with my current girlfriend. She actually does not get why other women would not want me. I get that she's not conventionally attractive with her looks or her various issues & problems but she's cute, funny, sweet, sensitive, caring, & loving amongst other things & that's much easier for me to deal with & is much much more attractive & important to me than her looking like a supermodel or porn actress.


_________________
"I don't have an anger problem, I have an idiot problem!"
~King Of The Hill


"Hear all, trust nothing"
~Ferengi Rule Of Acquisition #190
https://memory-alpha.fandom.com/wiki/Ru ... cquisition


Danusaurus
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 18 Jul 2020
Age: 39
Gender: Male
Posts: 942
Location: Brisbane, Australia

13 Apr 2021, 5:54 pm

Mona Pereth wrote:
My partner and I have been together since 2012. Both of us being on the autism spectrum, and knowing what that means, helps us understand each other.


I watched a doco on something similar.

It's called love on the spectrum.

This kinda thing does exist.. it eludes me. FML!